FR+ First ever date with a cutie

[HumanWhoLearns]

So I went on my first ever date on Sunday. I'm sure I made several mistakes and it's looking like it's cost me a shot at a second date. Let's dive in.

Met this girl about 2 weeks ago at a casino I played poker at. She works as a sec guard at the casino, as she was checking my ID I gave her a complement and she followed me and started talking to me. I sensed an opportunity and got her number. Originally wanted to schedule a date that weekend but the weather didn't cooperate. So I rescheduled for Sunday (yesterday). In between I texted her and it seemed to go well, she kept using emojis and telling me how excited she was to see me.

So the actual day of the date it snowed in the morning. I scheduled the date for 5:15 pm but I left at 3:00 because I didn't want to be late, being that the drive to the nearest big city next to both of us is 1 hour, I arrive there way to early and text her that I'm there early (first mistake? look needy and desperate?). So after about 30-45 minutes she shows up and we place our orders at this BBQ place that neither of us have ever been to (next mistake, taking a girl to an unfamiliar place?). We end up getting a private booth and she talks a lot about herself and I talk some about myself, trying to make a connection when I can. I don't go on many dates, but she doesn't seem particularly enthused, just neutral. I don't do a lot of touching at that point, just a light hug when she says she is single because she caught her bf cheating on her 5 months ago. After the dinner to which either of us barely ate any of our food and me being much more excited than her, we head back to my car.

I ask her if she wants to ride with me to the theater and she says she would but that we're near a bad part of town and she doesn't feel comfortable leaving her car there. So we drive over to the theater and find the small screening room in which the movie is playing. It's only 5 rows of chairs deep and 8 chairs wide. We sit in the back and there's only 3 other people close to the front. At this point I hold her hand and ask if she is ok with it and she says yes. Occasionally I whisper some affectionate words to her during the movie to which she turns and smiles and occasionally reciprocates. After the movie we head to her car holding her hand (after asking, lol). So she's acting really tired and not at all concerned with acting womanly or trying to impress me or anything. I figure I have to at least ask her for a kiss (I asked because there was never a window for a romantic kiss or anything, without really forcing it). Our first kiss lasts about 3 seconds. I'm not very good as this is my first kiss. We talk some more and as she's about to leave I ask for one more kiss, this one is better than the first but she pulls back after 4 seconds. I ask her if she wants to see me again and she says yes and asks me to text her when I get home. I send an overly excited text (nail in coffin?) and she responds by saying she had a good time too and that she'll text me tomorrow. As I write this it's almost 2:00 PM and no text from her. So I've accepted that she probably isn't interested in going out with me again. Her actions aren't congruent with her words. We all know actions mean far more than words, especially when it comes to women.

I guess my question is what are the mistakes that I made/what articles do I need to go over.

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

I also told her I had depression and social anxiety during the dinner date, which is probably another big mistake.

 

[themino]

Get out and go more dates! You made a lot of mistakes. Complements give away your power so it’s paramount to learn how to complement girls without giving away too much power. Read up on how to do it. You ask her for things which shows your unsure. This is a attraction killer because it shows your not confident.read up on how to kiss. There’s almost never a prefect kiss window. Just take her hand next time and just kiss her next time. Dinner and movie dates suck. Why? Look that up too. Your conversations weren’t engaging, there’s a lot of info on that too.

Never ask her if she wants to see you again! It’s an attraction killer, because It’s unconfident.Your saying this because your afraid of losing her and want her to say yes, so you’ll feel secure. Women also like the uncertainty. Will I see him again. Will he text me.

 

[themino]

I also told her I had depression and social anxiety during the dinner date, which is probably another big mistake.

Yeah. You don’t want to telll her your insecurities, because this makes you look weak. It might garner sympathy but will not create attraction or arousal. There are ways to talk about them. I told a girl I was depressed when it was contextually relevant and said it like it wasn’t a big deal and continued on with the conversation. But the most important thing when doing this is your vibe. Like your not saying this because you’re insecure about it, but your saying this because your confident. There are other ways to reveal insecurities too.

 

[Fuck This]

Go meet 10 other women but don't do dinner and a movie....that gets expensive quick. The more time you spend around women just talking, the more at ease you will feel. YOu will become desensitized. 6 months at a job in retail would do a LOT of people good here. Just make them able to engage people in small talk and be at ease with them.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Human,

That was your first date, and I don't want to minimize that. You talked to her, got her number, and took her out on a date, this simple fact is great and give yourself a pat in the back for that! I certainly would if we met. So, that was good job.

Now the bad news: you still have a long way to go. You will need to get more dates before you can start seeing some better results. Let me review what you did and provide you feedback - in any case take it with an open mind as a constructive feedback, and don't take things too personally.

I absolutely agree with what the other guys have posted here. Just want to add:

• About the date venue: go for simpler date templates, such as a coffee shop. Informal, relaxed setting, where you guys will be sitting side by side rather than face to face. It is better to bring her in a place that you already know personally, instead of going to a brand new place (and face surprises). There's already enough uncertainty, so don't leave that part to luck.
  
• About asking permission: for some things it is better to act from a position of smooth authority, rather than asking permission. Just take her hand. Just draw her to you and kiss her. Don't ask, just do it!
  
• About touching her: touch very early, and very often. First do it in a way that looks "incidental". Later do it more deliberately. You can start by gently fixing her hair. If it goes well, you can then run your hand on her hair. When your casual touch is accepted, you can even become more daring.
  
• About your body language: avoid giving yourself up. Keep her guessing as whether you like her or not. If you're not paying attention, chances are that your body language was screaming "I like you!" (e.g. you mention "being much more excited than her"). That kills the sexual tension.
  
• About kissing: an attempt at kissing actually also falls into this "give yourself away" tension killer, so be careful with it. And in any case, remember that she is acutely aware of who is watching at all times. Better to avoid kissing in an open, public place. And asking for the second kiss will certainly make you look needy.

Now there is another point: know what you are measured against!

Even in her early twenties, chances are that she already has a good amount of dating experience. And chances are that she has already dated a guy such as what Girls Chase advocates. Know that such a guy is able to smoothly and confidently swipe her on her feet against her (token) defenses, and take her to bed in a matter of a few hours. The date with such a guy will feel very, very different (and, to be fair, very exciting to her). Without even going to that extreme, she has probably already met some guys decently good with girls. And that means she immediately sees your overall level of experience at dating girls.

It is unfair, but that is playing against you. So that's why, even if you are just beginning, I would still advise you to take a leap of faith, get out of your comfort zone, and take some bolder moves, quicker than you would be comfortable. With girls, boldness pays off much better. Just try!

In any case, that shouldn't prevent you from trying again This community is here to help you.

Looking forward to reading your next report.

Seppuku

 

[jakesykes949]

"Act as if you have 50 women calling you every day." -David DeAngelo

Your mistake wasn't a particular action, dude - it's your mindset. You're way too needy and upset.

Oh no, she didn't text you back the SECOND she said she would? Who cares? Maybe she got busy or something, just do your own thing.

This is why guys need to focus on their own lives first and foremost. Yes, you did act a bit needy with the overly eager text, the asking if she wants to see you again, etc., etc., but those are just the manifestation of an underlying mindset which you need to fix.