First Impression in Day-Game

[Marty]

Here's one I've been pondering for a while—how do you ensure you're perceived in a helpful way upon opening? I'm chiefly talking about avoiding pity (however misplaced!), and instead engendering admiration and respect. Here's what I mean:

• "Poor soul, looks like maybe he doesn't have a girlfriend just now, oh well full marks for trying" (bad)
  
  vs.
  
  "Hey, this fellow seems like something special, it shows a lot of spirit and initiative to break off from his routine just to tell me I'm sexy" (good)

I guess at the moment I get the above in approximately equal measure, with the rest of the time being neutral and/or I cannot tell what she's thinking.

In the interests of efficiency it would be good to skew it toward the admiration/respect side. Is there a way of doing this, or is it not under the man's control and just a matter of upping the quantities to get more good results at the same proportion of total?

 

[Thinkingenigma]

It's all in your body language and demeanor. If you think you're bothering her, you probably are. Not because she's actually put out, but because you come across as needy. That's what gets you that first reaction

If, on the other hand, you come into the interaction with a self-assured attitude like you own the situation (strong body language, confident, even arrogant demeanor), she'll usually respond much better.

I know I'm going to sound like one of a million broken records on this site, but it really does all come down to your fundamentals. Once you have those handled, you won't need to ask this question.

 

[Nova]

thinkingenigma has it right. your 'fundamentals' and your mindset will determine how you are received, whether that be with excitement or pity. your body language, voice, expressions, looks, eye contact, posture etc.

if a strong sexual man who is self assured and confident in what he's doing and feels no pity of himself but instead expects girls to want to meet him and has all the above fundamentals down it is extremely unlikely you will be received with pity but instead excitement.

 

[Richard]

Enigma and Nova are correct =)

and I'll introduce a slightly more nuanced idea as well.

Sometimes a girls mood simply dictates her overall impression of you - when a woman is a bitch (her boyfriend just broke up with her, her job let her go the same day, she found out her dog had just been hit by a car, and her apartment complex is being leveled to build a new mall) it doesn't matter how strong or solid your fundamentals are - she simply will not react the same way.

It's the same with all girls though - fundamentals certainly max out the control you have over influencing her impression of you - but an almost equal portion is dependent upon her emotional state.

Interestingly enough - I had a similar question when I started out, and her impression of you comes from how you answer the question that goes through every girl's mind upon approach: Why is this guy talking to me? and do I want to keep talking to him?

Every girl is a little curious/ skeptical/ intrigued when you approach - and once they understand what you're approaching them for, they make their decision (all this happens within the first few minutes - and more often than not within the first 30 seconds of talking). If you approach direct - then she knows you don't want to be friends and her decision is made right then and there.

So - in summation - her first impression comes from your fundamentals (as said by Enigma and Nova), as well as her emotional state, and your ability to answer the "question" she asks herself about you.

-Richard

 

[Marty]

Thanks for the responses, guys... still struggling to understand exactly how to achieve that "body language and demeanor", though.

I guess my real question is: do you consciously adopt a particular demeanor, or is it the result of your inner psychological state? If the former, I'm sure it can be acted out; but the latter must be near-impossible to achieve for most ordinary mortals

 

[Richard]

Thanks for the responses, guys... still struggling to understand exactly how to achieve that "body language and demeanor", though.

I guess my real question is: do you consciously adopt a particular demeanor, or is it the result of your inner psychological state? If the former, I'm sure it can be acted out; but the latter must be near-impossible to achieve for most ordinary mortals

Marty - both are entirely possible and pretty easy.

Changing your inner psychological state is one of the easiest things you can do actually, and mimicking a physiology or particular demeanor is just as easy. The real power comes when you have the two interact with one another

 

[Marty]

Changing your inner psychological state is one of the easiest things you can do actually, and mimicking a physiology or particular demeanor is just as easy.

That's good news, Zphix.

The reason I ask is because, while most women I open react with intrigue or curiosity, the occasional one still looks at me with what appears to be concern—not a good emotion for her to be feeling, by any means.

Perhaps it's a vain effort, but I'd like to eliminate this if possible

 

[Richard]

Marty - do you generally open the same way? or have you noticed patterns in reactions?

Like do women only act concerned when you open them from the front? Where your body is directly facing hers?

or

A particular line you use perhaps?

 

[Marty]

It could actually be body language, yes. I was under the impression that I'd gotten that sorted, but perhaps I'm becoming complacent. Let me be more conscious of it the next few times and get back to you on whether this affects the female's perceptions.

Also, yes, you're right it could be specific words. I just reviewed my log and this has happened 4 times in the last 20 approaches; all those times, I uttered the word "beautiful" (in different contexts: beautiful face, beautiful legs, the photo will be twice as beautiful with you in it).

Perhaps a word to avoid?

Talk about asking the right questions to elicit the solution from the patient himself, Zphix!

 

[Richard]

Humanistic therapy Lol.

 

[Just_Dave]

Be relaxed

Hey Marty,

Breath:
To build a case off the others and throw out some helpful hints on body language, it all starts with being relaxed. When you see a attractive girl, you'll be nervous and there's nothing wrong with that. However, when you approach a girl when nervous your voice gets shaky, you sweat, and you don't make strong enough eye contact. Now a simple fix for that is taking deep breaths before you approach a girl. I'm not talking about taking huge deep breaths, just breathing from the diaphragm helps a ton. When you're relaxed you tell a girl that you've been here before. You know what you're doing. When you're relaxed your body will be relaxed as well.

Frame Control:
When you approach a girl nervously she'll see you as cute at best and inexperienced. However, you can flip this to your advantage by telling her about how something made you excited. Them tell her how now you're just looking to relax and chill. When you go at her relaxed, she'll be interested a lot more in you.

Space yourself out: Don't be uptight let your body hang loose and flow. When you breath to relax yourself you feel your body starting to flow. It happens naturally. You want the whole approach sequence to appear natural and not forced.

Over and out,

Just Dave