FU First night out since finding GC: Gamma going to party

[JayLR]

Hey guys,

Yesterday I went out with my bro. We both just got started with this stuff. (I found this site due to finding guidance with a girl at work, I have a thread in the beginners forum)
Anyhow, although I read so many articles on girlschase, I felt like a total gamma guy yesterday. (my bro doesn't have any skills either, and might even be worse then I am, I told him about this site yesterday..)
I got a new haircut and is actually worse then before so my confidence went down for this reason also...

Anyway about the report :

-There are 3 famous bars in our town, where a lot of chicks but also guys hang out on friday / saturday evening.
When we entered the first bar I quickly noticed we were constantly standing "out of the zone : real dancing area", and this made us comfortable (since we always do this...)

I told my bro lets go into the zone (this was already a big difference for us..) and we quickly were standing next to two girls who were dancing the macarena, however, we didn't have the guts to talk to them...
I got a glance from one but ... we were just standing there a bit, akwardly.. after 30 seconds they were gone (very playfull and flirty girls). This behaviour kinda continued during the evening, we got some opportunities (ie : some, since we didn't create many ourselfs..) to talk to girls. But even with two girls standing next to us "out of the zone", we couldn't bring the guts op to actually do anything but stand there.
So we both seriously lack the guts to start talking to girls.

-What I also noticed was how hard girls get protected by men, what I mean with this : I find it very difficult to go talking to a girl which is part of a group with guys in it.
How do you know the girl is not together with one of those guys? At a certain moment I was getting constant glances from a girl in a group, but she was having fun with another guy from her group
How do you get between these things... It feels so, I don't know.. socially difficult? Furthermore I also felt the huge competition between all these guys for specific girls, I seem to lack the confidence to start dancing / talking to a girl which was doing the same to another guy 2 minutes before with him still begin in the neigbourhood.

-We tried to move around every 20 minutes to be able to meet some girls, but what is the ideal thing to do here?
We also switched bars a couple of time. For absolute beginners is it recommended to spend the evening in one bar to build some confidence or go from place to place?

-At a certain moment I saw a girl with a guy (think bf) which she was mad at.
This woman was the perfect dream girl for me and she was constantly eyeing me. At a certain moment this guy went away very short, when he came back she went outside sitting a bit and the guy was looking for her in the bar.
This moment really stuck with me, but I just seriously lacked the guts to go talk to her in the 3 minutes this guy was gone, while she was looking at me at that moment. (damnit)
But again : if I don't even dare to talk to a girl near me, how I am ever going to be able to handle "complex" examples like above?

Maybe my last question : was it actually a good idea for me to go out with a guy who also has deliberate lacking of skills?
Should I find a mentor / someone to learn from with better skills? Or is it better for me to go out with a big group of people and start opening up to girls from this group?

If I now compare these bars with the office area there is so much difference in confidence for me.
I really feel at ease in the office space / bus and I'm actually approaching girls much easier there.. (probably because there is a related subject : ie work, to start talking about...)

Since I found this site I try to learn from / analyse my own social behaviour towards girls much more.
I try to remember these moments and am actually thinking what I could have done different, this is already a big accomplishment for me.

This post might be a bit negative but any guidance would be much much appreciated. (everybody started out somewhere right?)
Thanks alot

edit : should I have put this in the beginner section btw? Thanks..

Cheers
JayLR

 

[ray_zorse]

Welcome to nightgame

It is extremely difficult to find solo girls in nightgame, although it does happen occasionally (usually later in the night, if her friend went home or picked up a guy etc). So it is good to approach groups, but I must say I suffer from the same reservations when it comes to approaching groups. I would think of it a bit like a military campaign -- you have a small force against a large enemy which is holding an important hill. Do you go for a direct frontal attack (walk up to a table... say "hi guys"... introduce yourself... choose someone to talk to and start asking her questions, etc)... or do you go for some kind of flanking manouevre?

The first approach is fine, especially for practice or warmup, but it's not something I usually do... this might be because I'm being a pussy (I'd like to think if they were the only group in the bar I'd just approach and to hell with it), but almost always there is a better way. You already discovered one: open while the friend is in the toilet or gone to the bar etc. By the time the friend gets back, you have an established rapport, and it's very difficult for he/she to cockblock you, because he/she is uncertain if this would be a calibrated move. I also very much like opening in the queue for the bar, this naturally works because you both have nothing better to do than talk and build rapport, and although she's often with her friends she's usually not engaging them directly. So you can talk while the friend is ahead in the queue, ordering and so forth.

Another way is to keep an eye on some of the groups in the bar and you'll notice some girls are conversational leaders, and usually there'll be an animated conversation between 2~3 girls with another girl or two on the side looking slightly bored, this is when you slip in and engage her without disturbing the flow of the main group chat. Finally another way that works really well is to open on the dancefloor, sometimes it's more difficult (a tight group of 2~3 girls in "party mode" and happily grinding on each other and blowing off every guy who opens) but usually fine, again just look for a girl who isn't 100% engaged with her group, and engage her. If you're on the dancefloor, I find a good move is to firstly introduce yourself by name, with a handshake (or a kiss if you are feeling bold), and then put your arm around her and pull her in for a dance.

I don't see anything really wrong with going out with your bro (is it actually your biological brother or just a close buddy?)... but if you're going out in a pair then do make it clear to the other guy that the goal of the mission is to approach some girls, if he's not okay with this then maybe look for another buddy to go out with. Usually he'll be fine with it, especially if you approach and then he can join in the conversation, he could easily get laid like this if he's calibrated. Going out with bigger groups is probably best to avoid, if you want to pick up, because it just feels a bit awkward to be suddenly leaving the group and rejoining it all the time, unless you have pretty strong frame control and don't mind being tooled a bit by your bro's for things like approaching a fatty or getting blown out or whatnot... haha.

You mentioned that in a work scene you find it easier to make conversation, this will get easier with practice, but the main thing is to try to find out some basic information about the girl -- her name, what's she been up to today, has she come from work or pregamed at someone's house, how does she know the other people in her group, stuff like that... so if she says something like "we went to some art galleries in the afternoon and then we chilled in the park with a frisbee and now we're here" then you have some material to ask her about... is she into art or was she just doing tourism... what did she see at the art gallery... did she go to the park in a big group... did they have some drinks there... is she good at frisbee... (you can squeeze her shoulder muscle at this point and say "are you strong?"). Anyway, the more info you have, the more you have to keep the conversation going. Look up deep diving on the main site and other conversation articles.

You can post in the FR's board or the beginner's board, but the correct title for this current post would have been "OR: First night out since finding GC", an OR (Outing Report) is a report where something interesting happened but no new girls were met. Anyway, talking to girls is pretty easy, all you have to do is smile and say "hi"... there, you've approached a girl So your next report can be an FR

Lastly in nightgame don't neglect the bar staff, obviously it's difficult to get laid because they're working and because guys hit on them all the time, but it's good to go in with a compliment and get a little conversation in before your order: "hi there, I like your eye makeup... you look fantastic! ... I'm Jay, what's your name?" ... "so you always work weekends? I haven't seen you before" ... "oh, cool, you have some other job during the week?" ... et cetera. If you can get a bit of flirty banter going with the girls behind the bar it makes your night a lot easier.

Ray

 

[HellAtlantic]

I know what alphas and betas are with regards to the PU community but what's a Gamma?