So, just to set the scene here...this girl and I have known each other for like 4 years, have dated off and on with long periods of silence in between with renewed contact always initiated by her. There have been very strong feelings on both sides...reasons for the breakups running the full gambit from she lost interest to I wasn't making enough effort to me cutting her off when she was being flaky. We have a great chemistry, make each other laugh, the sex is pretty good, although she's a bit conservative.
We reconnected only the first weekend of October at a concert. No communication prior to that...but she was definitely in hot pursuit, and had made up her mind about me. When we first reconnected and we are sitting in a field, she explained what happened last spring. She said she had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who just wanted all of her time and was super needy, but she stayed with him (in my estimation because she knew she couldn't get hurt), and when things got kinda intense and I wanted to take her out she knew she just wasn't ready for that and so she called me back then because it was me, and didn't want to blow me off...she said it's never just casual with you it can't be for me and I just wasn't ready for something like that. She said she just loves me so much, and she always freaks out.
So we begin hanging out...I'm not taking her on dates or anything, but we are having fun...and she is initiating pretty much everything. She went to Mexico about 2 weeks maybe after the concert...for 5 days. The night before she left she texted me "damnit...I'm thinking I'm gonna miss you while I'm gone." I said "awwww...yeah me too a little bit." She texted me all the time from there. One night texting me that "my eyes light up when I talk about you, according to other people."
When she returned, she texted me a couple of days later just randomly asking if I was seeing anyone else. A few days earlier we were talking in bed...a story I was telling got confused in the wording for her and she's in my arms and tenses up and says "wait you have a girlfriend?" She was definitely shaken. I cleared it up, and she said "oh wow I feel bad now. I guess I know what it's like to think of someone you care about with someone else." Anyway...so she texted me a few days later asking if I was seeing anyone else. It was really random. So I just said "no I'm not." She said ok I don't want to talk about that kind of stuff but that's good I just needed to know thank you."
Fast forward a couple of days later to a concert she wanted me to go to, where I didn't because I couldn't get a ticket and she said she might sell hers and I didn't suggest alternate plans...so she texts me that night after the concert asking why I didn't make plans with her for that night. I didn't really have a good reason other than I had already committed to a volunteer project at the law school and was only going to cancel if we were going to the show. (Basically it was a botch job on my part trying to juggle too many balls and be too aloof.). She didn't take that very well, and asked if we were wasting each other's time. Jeezus. I said no. She said well maybe we will figure it out someday. So I called her on the phone because I was tired of this text crap and basically called her out on this saying what is going on. You're obviously upset and are being passive aggressive with me. So we talked and she started expressing how she was really bummed because she had a free night and wanted me to suggest other plans when she said she might sell the ticket. She just wasn't sure what we were doing. She said she got asked out but she told the guy she was seeing someone which is why she asked if I was seeing anyone else. She said she didn't want to date anyone else she wanted to date me...but if I was seeing other people she wanted to know. So I asked her if I should be seeing other people. She said no she wouldn't be wild about that at all. I asked her if I treated her or behaved like I was seeing other people. She said no, but that's why I got confused when I had a free night and you didn't make plans with me when it was really clear I wanted to see you. So I reiterated the fact that I was not, and she said she was not either, so I said ok, we are not seeing other people only each other. That's cleared up. See how much easier it is when we communicate? And she said yes yes. We joked some and chatted then hung up. I just wanted to give you some context as to how long we had been going out (about 5 weeks) and how strong her feelings were. I feel like she already had her mind made up, and was way ahead of me emotionally.
Ok...her birthday was Wednesday the 12th. The Friday before, I had a show, she attended, and we had drinks afterward at a bar near my house. We talked about her birthday, and didn't have anything special planned for just us...because essentially the idea I had for Wednesday night was the same as one of her girlfriends...so no big deal, we would do a group thing. The plan was to go to a show at 6:30 at a club down the street from my house, then go to dinner with her parents around 8, then go to another show after. We joked about the presents I was going to get her (she is not a gifts person...but rather gestures...meaningful gifts that show you know her). We planned about attending the next football game with another couple, and attending that couple's Christmas party.
Saturday, the next day, she came over and we watched the football game with friends, and she stayed over. We were laying in bed and joking around and she said something about feelings...I can't remember...but in any case, she brought it up again...and I just told her I loved her (she told me that already when we first reconnected at the concert, and twice before during a previous dating episode, but I had never said it back to her). She was happy about it, but said it was also a strange experience to hear that from me, and she even asked if I was drunk.
Just setting the scene here so you have context. Sunday, we went to the movies with another couple.
So anyway, on Monday, she asked me what I was doing Tuesday night. I told her I had no plans, and asked if she was still planning on having a birthday dinner with her real dad. She said yes but he might have to cancel because his son from his new marriage had a baseball game Monday night and if they won he would have another on Tuesday night and he would have to cancel. She is constantly feeling like her father loves his new children more than her. I told her I would love to do something if her dad cancelled.
She said she would let me know, but that she was watching her moms dog and it might be too much of a hassle so maybe Wednesday would be just better for us to do something.
In any case, I took that to mean that she was good either way, with what she said about the dog. But I said I'd be happy to include the dog in (almost) any plans, ie not sex. Later that night she said the son won the game and that dad had to cancel...I responded with some jokey texts but we never made firm plans (because, you know, of what she said about the dog).
So anyway, the next day, she texted me a bunch in the morning, and we still didn't have plans. Then at about 5pm, she asked me "so...do we actually have plans tonight?" I said well when you said you weren't sure if the dog was too much of a hassle I didn't really make a firm plan but of course I would love to see you why don't you come over around 7:30 and we will go to dinner and get drinks and whatever else the birthday girl wants to do. So she responded "oh I didn't realize I was that unclear. I'm not sure that will work because I can't leave the dog up here at my house all night." So I said well I will come up there so you don't have to worry about it. No response. I figure she's being pissy about me not making plans.
3 hours later she texts me and says "crap I thought I responded to this. I guess you're not coming over?" I said well when you didn't respond I figured it wasn't in the cards. She says "wow gosh I wish you had just followed up or something I was running out of work and doing a million things and thought I had responded that that sounds good. This sucks. Maybe we shouldn't even be doing this."
So I call her on the phone and we talk, and I tell her I want to see her of course, and offer to come up there and see her and talk about it. She agrees. I get there, and she's pretty upset and shaken up. Clearly, in her mind, I've got some work to do. So we talk, even argue just a bit. But basically, her chief complaint is that she doesn't feel like I'm putting in any effort. I never take her out on dates. "Nobody (her friends) understands what you're doing! What are we doing? This isn't dating. We don't go out on dates. It's all on your terms. I know you care about me but show me. Just some romance. I always initiate everything and it's exhausting. Our text conversations...your answers are just tit for tat." Stuff like that. She said two weeks have gone by and nothing has changed since we talked about it.
Anyway, we go on about this, have a productive conversation, and things get smoothed over. She had an awful day at work, her dad bailed on her for his newer kid, and she just wanted me to step up and make plans with her (be there for her). She wanted to turn to me because she needed a rock (she basically said this). We reaffirm the birthday plans, teasing ensues, I tell her one of the gifts I got her (tickets to a show in March for one of her favorite bands), she's really happy about that. Like, it's all good. We even hug it out like "ok, glad we talked."
We spoke even about how each of us shows/receives love. We have both read "The 5 Love Languages." She receives love/feels loved through acts of kindness. Thoughtful gestures. Which for her means paying attention to things she likes, and making plans to show she's important to you. That's also how she gives love. She is always sending me links to things she knows I like, mentioning movies, crafting inside jokes...things she knows shows she knows me. For me, it's quality time. I know I'm loved when someone spends time with me. That's also how I show love. I include the person in my life, and give them my time and attention by listening to them. So, I mean, this was a productive conversation, I felt like.
So anyway, I leave in the morning, and I see on the marquee of a club on my way home that one of her favorite artists is playing that night, her birthday night. Our plans for the night were that she would come over to my house after work to change clothes, we would walk to a club to meet some friends of hers to see a show, then go have dinner with her parents at a nearby restaraunt presumably around 8, then go back out. So I text her, thinking I'm being thoughtful, "hey I just saw that X is playing at Y club tonight. Did you know that?" She responds "no". Pretty short. So I say wellll would you want to go if we can make the times work? She said of course I will check when I get to the office. I say great. She says "he goes on at 9, I didn't even look to see if there were tickets still available." So I say well, that seems like it might be kinda early with us doing dinner and all that.
She says "alright." Then says "I think I'm just going to do dinner with my parents tonight. I am not up for anything else." I respond that's a bummer, I was really looking forward to having fun with you tonight. She replies "I know. Fucking sucks. I'm just too hurt/shocked about yesterday and to the extent that's going to be addressed or changed, I'd rather not do that on a day that's important to me." I reply "Ok. I understand. I wish that were different, and I'm sorry, but I understand. I hope you have a fantastic day."
So I had already had flowers coming to her office. She's instagramming everything she got at work except for my gift. She texted me in the afternoon saying "thank you for the flowers." I said of course I'm glad they got there. How's your birthday at work going? She said "awesome." I said awesome I'm glad they're such a good group.
So I get home and I tell my roommate and his girlfriend about all this. He said man you definitely screwed up. She's feeling pretty abandoned by you right now. You need to make a real gesture to show her you're thinking about her. Go get a nice bottle of champagne, some chocolate, and write out a hand written note just letting her know you're thinking about her and that you care for her...nothing long just simple...the gesture is what counts. Leave it on her doorstep. Call her and ask if she's coming home soon and preferrably you can meet her there. But if you get a voicemail, just leave a nice message for her. So I did all of that, left the stuff on her back stoop since I can't get into the apartment complex. Then I called and left her a message saying I know she wanted to be with her family tonight, and that she felt bad about last night, but that I just wanted her to know I was thinking of her, and that I hope she's doing something fun and that I'd be there in a heartbeat if she wanted me to be. It was a nice message and then I went home. I woke up in the morning to a missed call from her at like 1230am, no message but I can't imagine she had called to be mad at me after being out on her birthday. So I text her saying I missed her call I was crashed out. Hope you had a fun birthday night. She said "I figured! I did!" Exclamation points are good, so I figure she's warmed up a little. I simply responded with a "perfect" with a smiley face.
So I didn't know if she had gotten the surprise I left for her since I had to leave it on the back steps and she never really goes back there. My buddy said text her and ask her if she found any nice surprises when she got home. She'll be excited to go home and find it. So I texted her that, and she wasn't like super excited but she said she hopes its still there. So that night I went to a party, which I hadn't even mentioned to her (a point which would go against me later) and I just waited for her to get in touch with me. Finally around 9pm she just texted me "got it thanks." Jeezus. So I step out and call her. She doesn't pick up, but then texts me "oh good grief I got your note and I saw you called I don't want to talk to you right now. And no calling me and saying you should come over to talk isn't going to go over well this time. I appreciate the thought and the gesture. But really chocolate? I've been saying for the last month that I don't eat chocolate anymore it just makes me wonder if you listen to anything I have to say at all. And how hard was it to go and get a blank card? (I wrote the note on plain paper and sealed in an envelope). And if you're at Ryan's party right now after allll the bitching about not making plans that is insane. This is exhausting. I want to date someone who treats me half as well as I treat myself and obviously I'm just too much whatever for you."
I was pretty pissed at this point.
I went over there. I left the party and drove over there I was pissed. Everything she said was just so explainable/just unfair. I realize I should not have done this. That visit didn't go well at all. It was just one big long argument with neither of us really listening to the other person. But her underlying thing was "none of my friends or me understand what you're doing. This is not dating. We don't go out. I treat myself well you can at least treat me that well. Be the man step up how can you not know this stuff?" And the party thing...she was so pissed because I told her I just assumed she didn't want to go because she's not a fan of that group. She said see that's the thing...you assume. Ask me! Give me the chance to say no. That's what you do when you're dating!
Basically, the conversation didn't go anywhere. It just kinda ended with her saying this isn't going to get resolved tonight. So I left, we didn't have plans to talk later or anything. And I was pretty sure she no longer wanted me to go to the function Saturday night we had plans to attend.
So I gave her a couple of days to cool off, then called her that Sunday and left her a voicemail that basically said the following:
I know it's been a rough week, and I don't think a week ago at the movies either of us would have thought we'd be in this spot. I know you felt I dropped the ball and let you down when you wanted me to step up, and that has nothing to do with how I feel about you, but more my own issues and not knowing what you needed. I can't apologize anymore about it and you don't want to hear about it anyway, but I want to make a change and start doing better, so I wanna take you out to dinner tomorrow night. I'm asking you out on a date. I made reservations, I'll pick you up, and we will just have a good time like we always do. And then I want to take you out again, and just be the person you fell for in the first place, and treat you like you are someone I want in my life. We've had a lot of fun and become really close, and I don't want to do the same things we've done in the past when things get rocky, because we've both said we don't want to do that anymore. This is something we can get through, and we will, because that's how things get even better is when you get through stuff like this.
About three hours later I get a text back saying: "I got your voicemail, and I already have plans Monday night. Beyond that, I'm not ready to explore anything else with you right now. Please respect how I feel."
No communication since then. I feel like I entered into some serious auto-rejection here. And also didn't handle her drama very well.
We reconnected only the first weekend of October at a concert. No communication prior to that...but she was definitely in hot pursuit, and had made up her mind about me. When we first reconnected and we are sitting in a field, she explained what happened last spring. She said she had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who just wanted all of her time and was super needy, but she stayed with him (in my estimation because she knew she couldn't get hurt), and when things got kinda intense and I wanted to take her out she knew she just wasn't ready for that and so she called me back then because it was me, and didn't want to blow me off...she said it's never just casual with you it can't be for me and I just wasn't ready for something like that. She said she just loves me so much, and she always freaks out.
So we begin hanging out...I'm not taking her on dates or anything, but we are having fun...and she is initiating pretty much everything. She went to Mexico about 2 weeks maybe after the concert...for 5 days. The night before she left she texted me "damnit...I'm thinking I'm gonna miss you while I'm gone." I said "awwww...yeah me too a little bit." She texted me all the time from there. One night texting me that "my eyes light up when I talk about you, according to other people."
When she returned, she texted me a couple of days later just randomly asking if I was seeing anyone else. A few days earlier we were talking in bed...a story I was telling got confused in the wording for her and she's in my arms and tenses up and says "wait you have a girlfriend?" She was definitely shaken. I cleared it up, and she said "oh wow I feel bad now. I guess I know what it's like to think of someone you care about with someone else." Anyway...so she texted me a few days later asking if I was seeing anyone else. It was really random. So I just said "no I'm not." She said ok I don't want to talk about that kind of stuff but that's good I just needed to know thank you."
Fast forward a couple of days later to a concert she wanted me to go to, where I didn't because I couldn't get a ticket and she said she might sell hers and I didn't suggest alternate plans...so she texts me that night after the concert asking why I didn't make plans with her for that night. I didn't really have a good reason other than I had already committed to a volunteer project at the law school and was only going to cancel if we were going to the show. (Basically it was a botch job on my part trying to juggle too many balls and be too aloof.). She didn't take that very well, and asked if we were wasting each other's time. Jeezus. I said no. She said well maybe we will figure it out someday. So I called her on the phone because I was tired of this text crap and basically called her out on this saying what is going on. You're obviously upset and are being passive aggressive with me. So we talked and she started expressing how she was really bummed because she had a free night and wanted me to suggest other plans when she said she might sell the ticket. She just wasn't sure what we were doing. She said she got asked out but she told the guy she was seeing someone which is why she asked if I was seeing anyone else. She said she didn't want to date anyone else she wanted to date me...but if I was seeing other people she wanted to know. So I asked her if I should be seeing other people. She said no she wouldn't be wild about that at all. I asked her if I treated her or behaved like I was seeing other people. She said no, but that's why I got confused when I had a free night and you didn't make plans with me when it was really clear I wanted to see you. So I reiterated the fact that I was not, and she said she was not either, so I said ok, we are not seeing other people only each other. That's cleared up. See how much easier it is when we communicate? And she said yes yes. We joked some and chatted then hung up. I just wanted to give you some context as to how long we had been going out (about 5 weeks) and how strong her feelings were. I feel like she already had her mind made up, and was way ahead of me emotionally.
Ok...her birthday was Wednesday the 12th. The Friday before, I had a show, she attended, and we had drinks afterward at a bar near my house. We talked about her birthday, and didn't have anything special planned for just us...because essentially the idea I had for Wednesday night was the same as one of her girlfriends...so no big deal, we would do a group thing. The plan was to go to a show at 6:30 at a club down the street from my house, then go to dinner with her parents around 8, then go to another show after. We joked about the presents I was going to get her (she is not a gifts person...but rather gestures...meaningful gifts that show you know her). We planned about attending the next football game with another couple, and attending that couple's Christmas party.
Saturday, the next day, she came over and we watched the football game with friends, and she stayed over. We were laying in bed and joking around and she said something about feelings...I can't remember...but in any case, she brought it up again...and I just told her I loved her (she told me that already when we first reconnected at the concert, and twice before during a previous dating episode, but I had never said it back to her). She was happy about it, but said it was also a strange experience to hear that from me, and she even asked if I was drunk.
Just setting the scene here so you have context. Sunday, we went to the movies with another couple.
So anyway, on Monday, she asked me what I was doing Tuesday night. I told her I had no plans, and asked if she was still planning on having a birthday dinner with her real dad. She said yes but he might have to cancel because his son from his new marriage had a baseball game Monday night and if they won he would have another on Tuesday night and he would have to cancel. She is constantly feeling like her father loves his new children more than her. I told her I would love to do something if her dad cancelled.
She said she would let me know, but that she was watching her moms dog and it might be too much of a hassle so maybe Wednesday would be just better for us to do something.
In any case, I took that to mean that she was good either way, with what she said about the dog. But I said I'd be happy to include the dog in (almost) any plans, ie not sex. Later that night she said the son won the game and that dad had to cancel...I responded with some jokey texts but we never made firm plans (because, you know, of what she said about the dog).
So anyway, the next day, she texted me a bunch in the morning, and we still didn't have plans. Then at about 5pm, she asked me "so...do we actually have plans tonight?" I said well when you said you weren't sure if the dog was too much of a hassle I didn't really make a firm plan but of course I would love to see you why don't you come over around 7:30 and we will go to dinner and get drinks and whatever else the birthday girl wants to do. So she responded "oh I didn't realize I was that unclear. I'm not sure that will work because I can't leave the dog up here at my house all night." So I said well I will come up there so you don't have to worry about it. No response. I figure she's being pissy about me not making plans.
3 hours later she texts me and says "crap I thought I responded to this. I guess you're not coming over?" I said well when you didn't respond I figured it wasn't in the cards. She says "wow gosh I wish you had just followed up or something I was running out of work and doing a million things and thought I had responded that that sounds good. This sucks. Maybe we shouldn't even be doing this."
So I call her on the phone and we talk, and I tell her I want to see her of course, and offer to come up there and see her and talk about it. She agrees. I get there, and she's pretty upset and shaken up. Clearly, in her mind, I've got some work to do. So we talk, even argue just a bit. But basically, her chief complaint is that she doesn't feel like I'm putting in any effort. I never take her out on dates. "Nobody (her friends) understands what you're doing! What are we doing? This isn't dating. We don't go out on dates. It's all on your terms. I know you care about me but show me. Just some romance. I always initiate everything and it's exhausting. Our text conversations...your answers are just tit for tat." Stuff like that. She said two weeks have gone by and nothing has changed since we talked about it.
Anyway, we go on about this, have a productive conversation, and things get smoothed over. She had an awful day at work, her dad bailed on her for his newer kid, and she just wanted me to step up and make plans with her (be there for her). She wanted to turn to me because she needed a rock (she basically said this). We reaffirm the birthday plans, teasing ensues, I tell her one of the gifts I got her (tickets to a show in March for one of her favorite bands), she's really happy about that. Like, it's all good. We even hug it out like "ok, glad we talked."
We spoke even about how each of us shows/receives love. We have both read "The 5 Love Languages." She receives love/feels loved through acts of kindness. Thoughtful gestures. Which for her means paying attention to things she likes, and making plans to show she's important to you. That's also how she gives love. She is always sending me links to things she knows I like, mentioning movies, crafting inside jokes...things she knows shows she knows me. For me, it's quality time. I know I'm loved when someone spends time with me. That's also how I show love. I include the person in my life, and give them my time and attention by listening to them. So, I mean, this was a productive conversation, I felt like.
So anyway, I leave in the morning, and I see on the marquee of a club on my way home that one of her favorite artists is playing that night, her birthday night. Our plans for the night were that she would come over to my house after work to change clothes, we would walk to a club to meet some friends of hers to see a show, then go have dinner with her parents at a nearby restaraunt presumably around 8, then go back out. So I text her, thinking I'm being thoughtful, "hey I just saw that X is playing at Y club tonight. Did you know that?" She responds "no". Pretty short. So I say wellll would you want to go if we can make the times work? She said of course I will check when I get to the office. I say great. She says "he goes on at 9, I didn't even look to see if there were tickets still available." So I say well, that seems like it might be kinda early with us doing dinner and all that.
She says "alright." Then says "I think I'm just going to do dinner with my parents tonight. I am not up for anything else." I respond that's a bummer, I was really looking forward to having fun with you tonight. She replies "I know. Fucking sucks. I'm just too hurt/shocked about yesterday and to the extent that's going to be addressed or changed, I'd rather not do that on a day that's important to me." I reply "Ok. I understand. I wish that were different, and I'm sorry, but I understand. I hope you have a fantastic day."
So I had already had flowers coming to her office. She's instagramming everything she got at work except for my gift. She texted me in the afternoon saying "thank you for the flowers." I said of course I'm glad they got there. How's your birthday at work going? She said "awesome." I said awesome I'm glad they're such a good group.
So I get home and I tell my roommate and his girlfriend about all this. He said man you definitely screwed up. She's feeling pretty abandoned by you right now. You need to make a real gesture to show her you're thinking about her. Go get a nice bottle of champagne, some chocolate, and write out a hand written note just letting her know you're thinking about her and that you care for her...nothing long just simple...the gesture is what counts. Leave it on her doorstep. Call her and ask if she's coming home soon and preferrably you can meet her there. But if you get a voicemail, just leave a nice message for her. So I did all of that, left the stuff on her back stoop since I can't get into the apartment complex. Then I called and left her a message saying I know she wanted to be with her family tonight, and that she felt bad about last night, but that I just wanted her to know I was thinking of her, and that I hope she's doing something fun and that I'd be there in a heartbeat if she wanted me to be. It was a nice message and then I went home. I woke up in the morning to a missed call from her at like 1230am, no message but I can't imagine she had called to be mad at me after being out on her birthday. So I text her saying I missed her call I was crashed out. Hope you had a fun birthday night. She said "I figured! I did!" Exclamation points are good, so I figure she's warmed up a little. I simply responded with a "perfect" with a smiley face.
So I didn't know if she had gotten the surprise I left for her since I had to leave it on the back steps and she never really goes back there. My buddy said text her and ask her if she found any nice surprises when she got home. She'll be excited to go home and find it. So I texted her that, and she wasn't like super excited but she said she hopes its still there. So that night I went to a party, which I hadn't even mentioned to her (a point which would go against me later) and I just waited for her to get in touch with me. Finally around 9pm she just texted me "got it thanks." Jeezus. So I step out and call her. She doesn't pick up, but then texts me "oh good grief I got your note and I saw you called I don't want to talk to you right now. And no calling me and saying you should come over to talk isn't going to go over well this time. I appreciate the thought and the gesture. But really chocolate? I've been saying for the last month that I don't eat chocolate anymore it just makes me wonder if you listen to anything I have to say at all. And how hard was it to go and get a blank card? (I wrote the note on plain paper and sealed in an envelope). And if you're at Ryan's party right now after allll the bitching about not making plans that is insane. This is exhausting. I want to date someone who treats me half as well as I treat myself and obviously I'm just too much whatever for you."
I was pretty pissed at this point.
I went over there. I left the party and drove over there I was pissed. Everything she said was just so explainable/just unfair. I realize I should not have done this. That visit didn't go well at all. It was just one big long argument with neither of us really listening to the other person. But her underlying thing was "none of my friends or me understand what you're doing. This is not dating. We don't go out. I treat myself well you can at least treat me that well. Be the man step up how can you not know this stuff?" And the party thing...she was so pissed because I told her I just assumed she didn't want to go because she's not a fan of that group. She said see that's the thing...you assume. Ask me! Give me the chance to say no. That's what you do when you're dating!
Basically, the conversation didn't go anywhere. It just kinda ended with her saying this isn't going to get resolved tonight. So I left, we didn't have plans to talk later or anything. And I was pretty sure she no longer wanted me to go to the function Saturday night we had plans to attend.
So I gave her a couple of days to cool off, then called her that Sunday and left her a voicemail that basically said the following:
I know it's been a rough week, and I don't think a week ago at the movies either of us would have thought we'd be in this spot. I know you felt I dropped the ball and let you down when you wanted me to step up, and that has nothing to do with how I feel about you, but more my own issues and not knowing what you needed. I can't apologize anymore about it and you don't want to hear about it anyway, but I want to make a change and start doing better, so I wanna take you out to dinner tomorrow night. I'm asking you out on a date. I made reservations, I'll pick you up, and we will just have a good time like we always do. And then I want to take you out again, and just be the person you fell for in the first place, and treat you like you are someone I want in my life. We've had a lot of fun and become really close, and I don't want to do the same things we've done in the past when things get rocky, because we've both said we don't want to do that anymore. This is something we can get through, and we will, because that's how things get even better is when you get through stuff like this.
About three hours later I get a text back saying: "I got your voicemail, and I already have plans Monday night. Beyond that, I'm not ready to explore anything else with you right now. Please respect how I feel."
No communication since then. I feel like I entered into some serious auto-rejection here. And also didn't handle her drama very well.
