Calls & Texts Flaky girl text reply

[Trilogy]

Last Tuesday a girl I had been out with a couple of times called me out of the blue to arrange a date for later in the week. So far so good right?

She’s a single young mom (different girl than the one I previously posted about) who had fallen off my radar due to a legitimately busy work and holiday schedule. She invited me over to her house in the morning for coffee and breakfast. The call was brief and to the point, and ended with her saying how much she missed me. I didn’t get overly excited about the invite, telling her it had been a while and would be good to see her again.

Friday morning rolls around and I called about an hour beforehand to confirm our scheduled rendezvous. There was no answer so I left a message inquiring if we were still on for coffee. I didn’t hear back from her at all, she totally flaked. Fortunately it wasn’t a complete wash as I had a number of errands to accomplish that morning before heading off to work.

Yesterday afternoon she texted me wondering how I’m doing. At first I wasn’t going to reply, flaky girls are a serious pet peeve of mine, then I decided to check the website for any advice on this matter and found an article Chase wrote last year on this very topic. https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-when-girls-flake

It was an eye-opener to say the least and I decided to put this advice into action. After reading the blog and waiting about 20 minutes, I sent the following reply.

Her: Hey, how you doing?
Me: Hey, glad to hear from you. I guess we got our signals crossed on coffee last week, things have been pretty busy for me too. We’ll have to reschedule that some time. What’s the rest of your week looking like?

I have yet to get a message back from her...seriously she’s flaking out again! I thought I kept things cool and non-judgmental in my response, while trying to not come across as weak or bitter or letting her walk all over me. I even offered her a chance to make it up to me when it was convenient for her.

Is there some flaw in my response that I’m not aware of? She pretty much broke my two strike rule and I’m ready to drop her from my radar for good. I feel I may be taking things personally at this point, but she’s the one who contacted me for crying out loud, any ideas on what direction I should go with this? I have no intention of ended up in her friend zone.

Thanks,
Trilogy

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey Trilogy,

I actually wrote something over in the beginner's board about this very topic, to sum it I said not to take it personal. She's a single mom and that right there is a clear indication that she probably is not going to be a good prospect. I'm sure she is a wonderful person but you said it yourself that she broke your two strike rule. It's best to just move on from here. The message itself was fine, she's probably busy with her kid so don't take it personal.

Dave

 

[Trilogy]

Thanks Dave, I read your other posts also, feeling more relaxed already.

 

[Franco]

Hey Trilogy,

Not to stomp on Dave's post here as he brings up some good points (especially about her being a single mom), but I think there might be a couple things you can keep in mind for future reference. I think one of the issues here is that you did not punish her bad behavior.

Now you might be saying, "Wait, what? But I just read a whole article by Chase that said to keep your cool and not take it personally!".

...and that's right, you should keep your cool. And you definitely should not take it personally. But she also flaked on you without sending you a text to "confirm" that she couldn't make it. So how do you punish her bad behavior while still keeping your cool?

You play her game, and you don't text her back for awhile either. By doing this, you aren't actually showing that you are upset, so this is going to make her wonder what you are actually thinking. The way to get a girl to respect you is to get her to constantly think about you. Who do you think she was thinking about? The guy that she flaked on without much effort and then had him reply within 20 minutes of a new text after flaking? Or the guy she maybe had set something up with earlier, cancelled on her, and then sent her a text a few days later along the lines of: "hey [Jill]! Sorry I couldn't make it last week. I was really busy! I would like to get together though -- what does the rest of your week look like?"

In case you were wondering, she'll be more excited to get the text from the latter guy. This is just something to keep in mind.

- Franco

 

[Chase]

I think one of the issues here is that you did not punish her bad behavior.

Bingo. You absolutely can't let girls get off without a hitch when they behave badly like this.

I didn't see the whole story, but if she flaked before without any notice, a simple text like, "Hey, what happened last time?" and that's it FORCES her to explain herself. Pretending that nothing happened and proceeding to ask her out again makes her feel like you're a guy who's willing to take whatever punches she throws out there, shrug it off, and keep going. It ends up feeling like you're chasing, rather than holding her accountable, and attraction plummets.

So next time, just call her out. Make her explain herself. Don't be mad, or angry, or upset, or anything like that... just asked her what happened, put some social pressure on her, make her own her mistake, and force her to explain herself to you. She'll view you as more of an authority figure, rather than less of one (as she does the guys who never call her out and simply let her do what she likes).

Chase