- Joined
- Feb 5, 2017
- Messages
- 1,056
Wow, what a bonkers experience.
Anyway, I was out and about, finished up work, and I decided to do some street approaches. You can read the outing notes here. With help from @Lofty, I was able to set up texts that overcame the relatively neutral nature of the approach. Maintaining social frame, building compliance turned what could have been nothing, into a date.
We decided to meet around 7:45. The weather was beautiful, a cool breeze in 70 degree weather. The venue I had selected was a super nice bar in the open air so the wind could come through. Very nice vibe.
The girl...
The girl was hot. And she knew it.
We met up nearby and headed to the venue. Conversation was super smooth. Turns out we had a huge amount of coincidences tying us together. Small things that when combined together felt a little bit implausible. Each one added to the relative destiny aspect of the entire thing. The walk to the venue was mostly banter, light and fun, but also highly connecting because of the above.
We reach the venue and we grab some seats in a way that we're right next to each other. She’s fairly touchy, so I return her level of touch. She asks me for my astrological sign, and I ask her if she needs my hands to read me. So she holds my hands while guessing my sign.
One motif that arises throughout the night is that she says I'm extremely similar to her best friend. From my astrological sign, to my competitiveness. I'm also similar to her sister. In a way, good social frame, but bad because of the friend framing.
We talk and go in so many different directions. Conversation literally flows out of every word that is said, cascading into so many open loops that it is obvious we will never run out of things to say.
First interesting bit is that she mentions she actually had noticed me as I walked in front of her during the approach. Little bit of charming intrigue building there. She mentions that she liked how bold I was to start a conversation with her (is this a frame grab to put me in the chasing role-the goal was to have it feel like a meet-smooth, not a pickup?). She was initially going to ignore my texts, but I think using Lofty’s text style really saved me here.
But there are some things I do want to say. I manage to segue into the good sex gambit, delivering it, and contrasting myself against most men. She is heavily interruptive, so I have to navigate around that.
From there it’s an easy transition to the seducing men vs women gambit-but she interrupts me when I start on seducing women, and I can’t transition back into it to finish the gambit. But the conversation has turned sexual.
All of a sudden she’s making incredibly dirty jokes and innuendos throughout the entire night. Saying things are too tight to fit, making a joke about roofying my drink while I go to the bathroom (I reply to this by saying that I'll make sure to take some viagra and coke in the bathroom), and just everything she says has some sexual note to it.
She makes a joke about wanting to try viagra to see how guys felt, at which point I transitioned into this Tom Segura routine, and basically tell her the full story and joke. Then she starts talking about flame jobs (where a straight guy has his dick sucked by a gay guy).
Honestly, I have immense trouble keeping up. This girl was could make any statement sexual-it was an artful display of wordsmanship. She is very independent, and claims commitment issues, and also calls herself weird sex-wise. But she buys into all my frames, is extremely warm with my touch, and touches me back a lot, and seems to like me a lot.
After heavy deep diving across many different topics, diving into SOTs, and delivering the gambits (including setting discretion frames), our drinks are finished, and I suggest we mix some drinks at mine. She readily agrees. We go to mine (stopping to buy some garnishes along the way). We’re at mine, and I show her how to mix drinks (I’ve properly seeded the pull this time around). We sit on my couch, but there is no opening to make a move. She’s not closed off, but she is also intentionally sitting and behaving in a way to make any escalation unsmooth. Keeping herself a little turned around so she’s not fully facing me. Keeping herself a polite distance away. She never shies from touching or touching me, but part of her is aloof. I put on some music (I should have tried to get her to sit on my lap here maybe?).
We also get into my age here. She correctly guesses mine, and I exaggerate by about a year. She’s 6 years older than me, but is still heavily flirtatious. However, this still is a drop in the social frame I expect. Especially given that her resistance seems more FSC based, the age gap was probably not helpful. But how to avoid it? I’m not big on lying, though small exaggerations I’m okay with. I opted to try to just get around the topic quickly and have it be dropped as a subject. Though from here on, she begins to call me cute, with a distinct “I’m older than you energy.”
We hang out at mine for a bit before she says that we should go to hers. She wants to give me some bananas because she's traveling from tomorrow. Ok? So we walk there, and it’s still smooth as butter conversation. As we leave my apartment we have the following conversation.
As we reach hers, she makes some comments on bringing me over.
At hers, she has us take shots, and then asks to play a game.
Before we do so, I attempt to kiss. But she turns her cheek and says:
She wants to make bets on the loss. She asks me what she has to do if she loses (for me it's to eat really bad tasting chocolate). Part of me thinks I should say: loser has to kiss the winner, but this feels like a trap that puts me in a chasing position-especially after her just turning me down. I don’t know if it’s a trap or an escalation window. So I say she has to take chocolate. In this case I honestly don’t know what to do.
I’m thinking back on this today, and I think I should have ratcheted up the vibe, but in a different way. Something like this:
This feels like it would have put me on as unafraid of making things sexual and increasing the vibe, without putting me in a chasing position of trying to get her to kiss me because I really want to. I’m still not sure though, and would appreciate any advice.
I win the game (my competitive spirit comes through). She is also decently competitive, and swearing and cussing me out throughout the entire game. And then she pours us another shot. Then we play a different game. This time she again asks me what the loser has to do. Again, this feels like a trap. But in a way that I think I needed to do some escalation but could not think of the right thing to suggest as the wager. So I basically return the question to her, and she says the loser has to tell their most embarrassing social story.
Anyway, I won again. We swap embarrassing stories, and honestly, the ones I shared put me in a pretty un-dominant light. I basically talked about stories from when I was much younger and failed at flirting, while also heavily chasing some specific girls. In retrospect, I should have made my embarrassing story something more dominant and exciting than what I did.
While we’re talking, she mentions that she thinks I’m nerdy, but in a super cool and confident way.
We talk some more, and then she says that she needs to go to sleep soon, since she has to catch a flight tomorrow. I go for a kiss on the way out but am rebuffed again. She basically gives the same reason as before.
As I leave, she says she’ll give a kiss on the cheek, but I say no thanks to that, with a smile. She looks a little taken aback/disappointed, so then I tell her that I’ll give her a European goodbye. This basically involves cheek to cheek touch on both sides of her face.
Honestly, this girl’s frames were completely outclassing my own. Even with my own gambits, and improvements, I was drowning trying to know what exactly how to respond to her.
Would love to hear any feedback.
Anyway, I was out and about, finished up work, and I decided to do some street approaches. You can read the outing notes here. With help from @Lofty, I was able to set up texts that overcame the relatively neutral nature of the approach. Maintaining social frame, building compliance turned what could have been nothing, into a date.
We decided to meet around 7:45. The weather was beautiful, a cool breeze in 70 degree weather. The venue I had selected was a super nice bar in the open air so the wind could come through. Very nice vibe.
The girl...
The girl was hot. And she knew it.
We met up nearby and headed to the venue. Conversation was super smooth. Turns out we had a huge amount of coincidences tying us together. Small things that when combined together felt a little bit implausible. Each one added to the relative destiny aspect of the entire thing. The walk to the venue was mostly banter, light and fun, but also highly connecting because of the above.
We reach the venue and we grab some seats in a way that we're right next to each other. She’s fairly touchy, so I return her level of touch. She asks me for my astrological sign, and I ask her if she needs my hands to read me. So she holds my hands while guessing my sign.
One motif that arises throughout the night is that she says I'm extremely similar to her best friend. From my astrological sign, to my competitiveness. I'm also similar to her sister. In a way, good social frame, but bad because of the friend framing.
We talk and go in so many different directions. Conversation literally flows out of every word that is said, cascading into so many open loops that it is obvious we will never run out of things to say.
First interesting bit is that she mentions she actually had noticed me as I walked in front of her during the approach. Little bit of charming intrigue building there. She mentions that she liked how bold I was to start a conversation with her (is this a frame grab to put me in the chasing role-the goal was to have it feel like a meet-smooth, not a pickup?). She was initially going to ignore my texts, but I think using Lofty’s text style really saved me here.
But there are some things I do want to say. I manage to segue into the good sex gambit, delivering it, and contrasting myself against most men. She is heavily interruptive, so I have to navigate around that.
Me: I went out and both here and back home, it seems that when guys go out, and they see a girls looks, it’s like their minds immediately go to seeing them naked and fucking them. It’s pathetic how much guys think about just sex
Her: Yeah, I guess. But on some level that’s just how nature built us, that’s how nature is.
Me: Hmmm, I don’t know… I guess I’m just different
Her: <skeptical look at me>
Me: Haha for me, I don’t like sex…
Her: <even more skeptical look>
Me: I don’t! What I like… is good sex
Her: Haha, I totally agree with that
Me: I’ve talked to a lot of my girl friends, and they all have stories of them or their friends who have gone and hooked up with a guy and it turns into an exercise in the guy thrusting and getting themselves off
Her: Yeah.. that happens
Me: Now with me, what I like… is focusing on the vibe between this person and yourself… looking how this person looks at you… how this person breathes. And when all that is in sync, it just makes the entire experience so much better
Her: Yeah, I guess. But on some level that’s just how nature built us, that’s how nature is.
Me: Hmmm, I don’t know… I guess I’m just different
Her: <skeptical look at me>
Me: Haha for me, I don’t like sex…
Her: <even more skeptical look>
Me: I don’t! What I like… is good sex
Her: Haha, I totally agree with that
Me: I’ve talked to a lot of my girl friends, and they all have stories of them or their friends who have gone and hooked up with a guy and it turns into an exercise in the guy thrusting and getting themselves off
Her: Yeah.. that happens
Me: Now with me, what I like… is focusing on the vibe between this person and yourself… looking how this person looks at you… how this person breathes. And when all that is in sync, it just makes the entire experience so much better
From there it’s an easy transition to the seducing men vs women gambit-but she interrupts me when I start on seducing women, and I can’t transition back into it to finish the gambit. But the conversation has turned sexual.
Me: Do you know how you seduce a guy?
Her: Grab their dick? <LOL, good sign>
Me: Haha exactly… but women are a bit different… Do you know how one would seduce a woman?
Her: Buy them something
Me: Hahaha, not exactly
Her: <starts going into a full tangent from which it’s difficult to close the open loop I had set>
Her: Grab their dick? <LOL, good sign>
Me: Haha exactly… but women are a bit different… Do you know how one would seduce a woman?
Her: Buy them something
Me: Hahaha, not exactly
Her: <starts going into a full tangent from which it’s difficult to close the open loop I had set>
All of a sudden she’s making incredibly dirty jokes and innuendos throughout the entire night. Saying things are too tight to fit, making a joke about roofying my drink while I go to the bathroom (I reply to this by saying that I'll make sure to take some viagra and coke in the bathroom), and just everything she says has some sexual note to it.
She makes a joke about wanting to try viagra to see how guys felt, at which point I transitioned into this Tom Segura routine, and basically tell her the full story and joke. Then she starts talking about flame jobs (where a straight guy has his dick sucked by a gay guy).
Honestly, I have immense trouble keeping up. This girl was could make any statement sexual-it was an artful display of wordsmanship. She is very independent, and claims commitment issues, and also calls herself weird sex-wise. But she buys into all my frames, is extremely warm with my touch, and touches me back a lot, and seems to like me a lot.
After heavy deep diving across many different topics, diving into SOTs, and delivering the gambits (including setting discretion frames), our drinks are finished, and I suggest we mix some drinks at mine. She readily agrees. We go to mine (stopping to buy some garnishes along the way). We’re at mine, and I show her how to mix drinks (I’ve properly seeded the pull this time around). We sit on my couch, but there is no opening to make a move. She’s not closed off, but she is also intentionally sitting and behaving in a way to make any escalation unsmooth. Keeping herself a little turned around so she’s not fully facing me. Keeping herself a polite distance away. She never shies from touching or touching me, but part of her is aloof. I put on some music (I should have tried to get her to sit on my lap here maybe?).
We also get into my age here. She correctly guesses mine, and I exaggerate by about a year. She’s 6 years older than me, but is still heavily flirtatious. However, this still is a drop in the social frame I expect. Especially given that her resistance seems more FSC based, the age gap was probably not helpful. But how to avoid it? I’m not big on lying, though small exaggerations I’m okay with. I opted to try to just get around the topic quickly and have it be dropped as a subject. Though from here on, she begins to call me cute, with a distinct “I’m older than you energy.”
We hang out at mine for a bit before she says that we should go to hers. She wants to give me some bananas because she's traveling from tomorrow. Ok? So we walk there, and it’s still smooth as butter conversation. As we leave my apartment we have the following conversation.
Her: <Effectively says that she is much naughtier than I am>
Me: Haha so clearly you’re trying to corrupt me
Her: Maybe you’re trying to corrupt me
Me: Can you corrupt someone with innocence?
Her: I wouldn’t say you’re innocent, I can see you have… something <said with positive tonality> there inside you
Me: Haha so clearly you’re trying to corrupt me
Her: Maybe you’re trying to corrupt me
Me: Can you corrupt someone with innocence?
Her: I wouldn’t say you’re innocent, I can see you have… something <said with positive tonality> there inside you
As we reach hers, she makes some comments on bringing me over.
Her: Bringing a totally new guy over
Me: But you have to admit… the spontaneity of it makes these experiences so much better
Her: Yeah I totally agree
Me: But you have to admit… the spontaneity of it makes these experiences so much better
Her: Yeah I totally agree
At hers, she has us take shots, and then asks to play a game.
Before we do so, I attempt to kiss. But she turns her cheek and says:
Her: You were about to kiss my cheek right?
Me: No, I was not
Her: I don’t kiss random guys
Me: <something>
Her: I need to do vetting before I do that… Because everyone wants to kiss me
Me: No, I was not
Her: I don’t kiss random guys
Me: <something>
Her: I need to do vetting before I do that… Because everyone wants to kiss me
She wants to make bets on the loss. She asks me what she has to do if she loses (for me it's to eat really bad tasting chocolate). Part of me thinks I should say: loser has to kiss the winner, but this feels like a trap that puts me in a chasing position-especially after her just turning me down. I don’t know if it’s a trap or an escalation window. So I say she has to take chocolate. In this case I honestly don’t know what to do.
I’m thinking back on this today, and I think I should have ratcheted up the vibe, but in a different way. Something like this:
Her: So loser has to eat this disgusting chocolate, and we both take shots
Me: Eat chocolate? Seems a little bland, don’t you think?
Her: What would you propose?
Me: Hmmmm… How about the loser… has to do a lap dance for the winner?
Me: Eat chocolate? Seems a little bland, don’t you think?
Her: What would you propose?
Me: Hmmmm… How about the loser… has to do a lap dance for the winner?
This feels like it would have put me on as unafraid of making things sexual and increasing the vibe, without putting me in a chasing position of trying to get her to kiss me because I really want to. I’m still not sure though, and would appreciate any advice.
I win the game (my competitive spirit comes through). She is also decently competitive, and swearing and cussing me out throughout the entire game. And then she pours us another shot. Then we play a different game. This time she again asks me what the loser has to do. Again, this feels like a trap. But in a way that I think I needed to do some escalation but could not think of the right thing to suggest as the wager. So I basically return the question to her, and she says the loser has to tell their most embarrassing social story.
Anyway, I won again. We swap embarrassing stories, and honestly, the ones I shared put me in a pretty un-dominant light. I basically talked about stories from when I was much younger and failed at flirting, while also heavily chasing some specific girls. In retrospect, I should have made my embarrassing story something more dominant and exciting than what I did.
While we’re talking, she mentions that she thinks I’m nerdy, but in a super cool and confident way.
We talk some more, and then she says that she needs to go to sleep soon, since she has to catch a flight tomorrow. I go for a kiss on the way out but am rebuffed again. She basically gives the same reason as before.
As I leave, she says she’ll give a kiss on the cheek, but I say no thanks to that, with a smile. She looks a little taken aback/disappointed, so then I tell her that I’ll give her a European goodbye. This basically involves cheek to cheek touch on both sides of her face.
Honestly, this girl’s frames were completely outclassing my own. Even with my own gambits, and improvements, I was drowning trying to know what exactly how to respond to her.
Would love to hear any feedback.
Last edited:
, but I have a very good memory so can answer any question someone might have. Regarding vibe? I usually get told that I come across as very smart, attractive, and confident-but that I am also very classy. My accent is not truly American, tbh I grew up here so I have no idea how it became relatively more posh lol.