Flirt, High Interest, Sext, Nudes, Flake, Blocked?

[Clarity]

I'm not trying to salvage this one, I'm just genuinely baffled as to what went wrong in the process. Perhaps this is just a typical attention whore scenario except jacked up to the extreme level?

MEETING HER - I met her at a neighborhood party (she works 5 min near where I live), moved her to our own table, did some deep diving, built a connection. Lots of flirting, touching, everything seemed fine. There was no logistical way to make something happen that night, but I left the party with her number, and with her asking me to text her about hanging out later that week.

INTEREST? - I sent her a text a couple hours after saying "great to meet you tonight " nothing more. A couple of days later I get a ton of messages on Instagram from her, with her talking about how awesome this week is going to be/what adventures we are going to go on together. That whole week, she initiates a conversation with me daily, to the point where I start expecting it (and treasuring the low effort I'm putting into the interaction). I try to get a firm plan and plan a time. After locking down a time. She enthusiastically agrees. Lots of smileys, lots of !!!! and .

FLAKE - No show. No reason given. I treat the flake like it's no big deal, and don't reschedule.

I'M A LATE NIGHT OPTION? - Couple days later on a friday night, she calls me at 3am. I was asleep so I didn't answer (maybe a good thing) and later when I see her on Monday she said she was going to ask me to hang out (at 3am..?). After teasing her for being up to no good late on Friday night, I ask her out in person on the high note and lock down another date time.

FLAKE - No show. I treat the flake like no big deal again while talking to her later, but mentally chalk her up as a loss, thinking she isn't interested. Moving on to someone else, right?

ATTENTION, OR INTEREST? - Couple days later, after another flirty conversation in person (we run into each other at the gym frequently), she starts snapchatting me asking me if I find her attractive. I tease her for fishing for compliments, and dodge giving a direct answer. She then rephrases the question, asking what my type is. I give a general response, not trying to show all my cards that I find her drop dead gorgeous. She literally has a porn star body. She persists, and finally I tell her that she has a really sexy vibe. She replies saying that she also thinks I'm really sexy.

SEXTING/NUDES - Well....OK. Maybe I can get somewhere here. She thinks I'm really sexy. I tell her that we should do something about our mutual feelings, and start to move it towards a sext conversation. I succeed, and she eventually starts sending me nudes, and videos of her touching herself. I reply positively, without trying to sound too OMG OMG SO HOT (very sexy...I'm certainly looking forward to our next hangout!). She offers them all, I ask for none, and send none in return. I again try to set a firm date.

FLAKE - No show. This time she apologizes, but doesn't reschedule. I'm confused since I thought nudes = I'm somewhat in, but again I treat it like no big deal, consider it a loss and move on.

MORE SEXTING/NUDES - Next weekend, more nudes sent to me out of the blue, totally initiated by her, no request from me. Later, I see her in person, we talk about the weekend, and she suggests hanging out. I confirm a day, as usual, and a time, and she says she will get back to me. Couldn't lock down a date (she never confirmed).

So as confused as I was by all this, I concluded that I should give up, maybe she just likes the attention, isn't interested, and goes so far as to send nudes to get compliments.

BLOCKED..? - Now, I've gone away for the weekend somewhere else, and just noticed she blocked me on snapchat.

.........what? The last thing I sent was a video of me playing the electric piano and saying it would be fun to do a jam session together (she is also a musician). Never sent anything creepy or weird, and I do believe I balanced persistence versus chasing. She replied with excitement, smileys, and !!!. Later, I find I'm blocked.

Like I said, I think this is an extreme case of attention whoring, but I could be totally wrong? If she had attraction, it's almost her fault that it expired, since she flaked on every plan. Or maybe I did not move fast enough/push hard enough. Or maybe I'm blind to something that the gurus here can easily see. Perhaps I have not given enough information. I'm curious as to what people think of this scenario.

 

[Drck]

As always, keep it simple. She will either show up or not. If she doesn't show up without solid reason and rescheduling, she is a Flake. If she shows up she is interested. It doesn't get simpler than that, no need to analyze anything...

Here is a good way to see it:

On a scale of 0 to 100, your interest level in that girl has to be say at least 50 in order for you to go out with her. If your interest level is less than 50 you will not go, you are just not attracted enough to her. If your interest is say 50-60, you are sort of hesitant, if you feel good you'll go, and if you are not in a mood you will dump her anyway. If you are thinking about her nonstop, analyzing what is she thinking and how is she feeling, creating different strategies to "get her", thinking how to make her like you more so she goes out with you - your interest level is 80-90. You will do everything to get this girl...

However, remember that she also has her own scale, she also needs to have an interest in you at at least 50. If it is less than 50 she will never go out with you unless she is really bored and just wants to waste some time whith a guy (who will hopefully pay for her meal, ha!). If her interest in you is 50-60, she may go out if she feels like to - but she won't be investing much into you at all. You will be doing 90% of all the effort and she'll be doing 10%. You'll be seducing her, and she will be putting up brakes on... Most likely she will Flake sooner or later anyway...

A common misconception is, that the guy who's interest level in the girl is 70-90 thinks that her interest level is the same. He believes that he can somehow "get her", convince her to go out with him. That is why is he always analyzing and creating strategies, that is why he's thinking about it over and over. The truth is much simpler though. If her interest level is low she will simply not go for a date no matter what. Sexy smiles, clever texts and leading strategies will not fix it. On the other hand, if her interest is high enough, all the guy has to do is to simply ask for a date - and she will show up...

So you want her interest level in you to be at least 60, if not 70. Ideally 90 of course, the higher her interest is the easier it is for you to get her out for a date, and get her to the bed. The lower her interest level, the harder time you will have with her overall, you will be working your ass off while she does nothing, and the likelihood that she will dump you is high...

A girls with low interest (50-55, maybe even 60) will always confuse you. She will hint that she wants to go out, she will send you her pictures... but where is the action? She will just not see you. On the other hand, a girl with high interest (80+) in you will never confuse you. She will make it very clear to you that she is interested. She will drop everything else and drive 50 miles just to have coffee with you, she will make sure that vibes are always great - while you don't really have to do much at all, all you have to do is patiently lead her to the bed...

Right now you are working your ass off at 80-90%. Her interest level is around 50-55, she doesn't really care if she goes out with you or not because she is not interested enough, or there are lots of other guys which takes away from her interest lever for you. She does minimum to see you, maybe here and there she texts you to get some excitement over the phone, because talking with you makes her feel sexy, and perhaps because she wants to keep some orbitals around just in case...

 

[NarrowJ]

Sexy, high value chick... am I correct here?

You've had many opportunities and squandered them all by offering her something she obviously doesn't want: a date.

Calls you at 3 AM? That's a booty call. You weren't up? Ok. Well, next time you see her in person you MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN. Don't blah blah blah set up date blah blah blah. Pull her somewhere secluded (secluded enough, anyways) and escalate to sex.

Runs into you at the gym and you have a flirty convo? Again, here you need to act with conviction and make something happen in the moment. You both know she called you for sex at 3AM. I've made many of these mistakes myself. Too many to count. Tell her to shower up and stop over for some after-workout snack and escalate to sex. But nope, you offer her more of the same thing she doesn't want from you: another date.

She snapchats you asking if you think she's attractive (on the heels of her booty call and flirting with you at the gym, no less) but you play coy and hide the banana some more. I'd wonder if you thought I was attractive if I were her too, since she had tried to give you the pussy on a silver platter twice now at this point and you still didn't take it. Should have told her, "Hey, snapchat sucks. Let's watch a movie. My place.", but instead you move toward more text/sexting. Boring for her, but she'll entertain you to see what you got. Sends you some nudes. Again you play coy and don't give her what she wants, which is in my mind an invite straight to your place on the immediate.

You try to setup a date. She flakes again. Go figure at this point. I would have given up by now if I was her. She is alone, gets horny, hopes you get the hint and sends more nudes. Again, no initiation on your part for anything other than a date (which she obviously doesn't want since she's flaked twice now; you make her put up or shut up at this point).

But you wait and do nothing, see her in person, talk boring shit about how her weekend was. She is no longer interested at this point, but is being nice and knows how you like to schedule dates that she never shows up to, so she offers you that to keep the conversation from getting awkward. Keep with the status quo, right?

Guy doesn't get the hint. He was a sexy guy I wanted to fuck, but he's weird because he "doesn't get it" and keeps offering me one thing when I obviously want something else that HE SHOULD WANT, but either he doesn't or he's too scared. I'll just block him from sending me his music video stuff and move on to some other sexy guy who will make something happen with me instead of offering me a cup of coffee or a side salad at the deli.

Man, that was pretty harsh But that's how chicks are. Especially chicks that want to basically FUCK YOU. A girl that wants a relationship with you is going to be sweet and nice to you and try to fill that role. A girl that wants you for a hot, sweaty roll in the hay is going to treat you a totally different way, and sometimes that way will seem challenging. And it is, and those challenges are opportunities. Don't squander them. If a girl is pointing things toward a sexual encounter and shying away from relationship-type things, that's exactly how you need to read it. Don't slow play. Don't overthink it. Just take action and give her what she wants.


Hope it helps, man

J.J.

 

[Clarity]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply! Indeed, I know I am mentally over invested at this point (mental chasing happens at its worst when you perceived that you were oh so close). Hence why I am not trying to salvage it any longer and simply learn from the situation.

Correct, high value, sexy. Every guy at the gym hits on her, she'd often tell me about the lengths to which guys would flirt with her.

J J, not a harsh reply at all, I had a strong suspicion I was blind to what was actually happening! Thanks very much for that interpretation - objectively looking at the big picture makes your take seem quite plausible. I guess I need to handle logistics better - often times there were no realistic ways to make something happen in the moment - or so I thought.

It seems like I was almost too careful about my moves that I actually ended up appearing uninterested or incompetent at taking hints. I should have realized she wasn't interested in dates by the second flake at least. Although, many of the "dates" I suggested were more or less conducive to sex right then, e.g. her coming to my place for an "easy date" as I read about in one article. Oh well, lesson definitely learned! Also great to understand that girls may be uninterested in making long term plans - and simply want something to happen literally right then.

Do you have any more tips for immediate transition in the moment, like the "snapchat is boring, come over now" type thing? Perhaps I just need to go for it more often right then and there until I get more practice.

Thanks again for the replies, I sincerely appreciate the objective perspective! I learn new things every day at GC

 

[NarrowJ]

Clarity,

Do you have any more tips for immediate transition in the moment, like the "snapchat is boring, come over now" type thing? Perhaps I just need to go for it more often right then and there until I get more practice.

Definitely! I'd probably give two different sets of advice though, based on whether the interaction is in person or via text message.

You've got to be a bit more careful via texting, so you'll want to use some innuendo and possibly even some patterned language to get the conversation directed toward an instant meet. Here's a couple of articles that should help a bit with that (one from Chase, one from myself):

• How to Booty Call Girls You Meet: 8 Steps
• Booty Calling; or, Turning Phone Numbers Into Sex

In the event that I'm with a girl in person, then yeah, it's more of just having to act according to what the logistics are. I've had sex in a lot of unordinary and even admittedly strange places such as empty parking lot in a car, public bathrooms, in alleyways, on the school football field, in the woods (not recommended haha), in a graveyard, on top of a garage, in my neighbors yard next to their shed, et cetera. So logistics are something I've always been able to get around, because I basically don't feel like I need a couch or a bed to have sex. This is also more spontaneous for the girl; they love it.

So yeah, you can just have her go for a walk with you and duck her under some bushes and she'll love you for it. If it's daytime and there are lots of eyeballs everywhere, then you probably need to get her back to your place. I just ask girls to come over, with no bullshit. I know a lot of guys recommend "seeding" some activity or thing they want to show the girl, but I just tell them to come over and watch television or a movie. They know what you really want! And if they want it too, they'll come with you. If they don't, they'll (usually rather politely) decline. Very simple stuff. No magic tricks whatsoever here.

To summarize, when texting you have to be a bit craftier since it's more impersonal and there's no context and very little way to show emotion. It's much harder to ask a girl to meet up "right now" via text without there being the chance that it comes off sounding too eager. In person, don't overthink it too much. Just take direct action and invite her home (or any other spot that's secluded enough).


Cheers!
J.J.

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Somebody good information in the replies I found it helpful

 

[Flames]

I originally thought this was the usual attention whore crap but NarrowJ is more than likely right.

You moved too slow here.

 

[Clarity]

Interesting update.

Recently I saw her at the gym, and she apologized to me saying she had deleted her snapchat altogether because she was being harassed by other guys. She reopened it and added me back, and offered to give me a ride home from the gym. Had a great funny conversation on the ride and at the high point she asked me to hang out again.

However, I do still agree with this thread that I did not lock it down quickly at all before. Going to try some things recommended here about booty calls! We'll see what happens. This is like, what, a fourth/fifth chance, I don't plan on failing that, haha.
Thanks again for the feedback