Flirting when you know others are watching listening

[ILoveElla]

Do ever find it hard to flirt with a girl when you know others can hear, or are watching? I don't mean if you're in a group, then the others can obviously hear, and I'm okay with that. I for example, would be confident enough to chat up women, but I wouldn't be confident enough to say to a mate "watch this, I'm going to chat her up".

Say for example, if you were in a lecture hall, and there was a girl in your row, but there were also several people in the row behind you, who you know can hear everything you are saying. It makes it a little more difficult, even for her sake. I'd be less inclined to try a daring stunt in that situation. The thought of everyone else thinking about what you're doing is just horrible, feeling that judgement, and not being able to put your finger on the reason why you can't bring yourself to act as if they weren't there. I might say something that might initially appear stupid(to them), but they mightn't understand my method. If lets say, I didn't see the people in the row behind me, then I would be able to chat to the girl freely, and then turn around and realise that they were there all along, and think to myself, "oh, thank God I didn't realise they were there!". I guess it's all about thinking/believing that the people listening are inferior to you!

I can honestly say that I have rarely seen guys approach girls that are not in their social circle with the presence of alcohol. Therefore my behaviour would have been unexpected to the guys in the row behind me! I was out with a guy recently, who I knew looked up to me, as regards my skills with women(which I liked). When we went to a club, he ended up just sitting down. He happened to be pointed my direction when there was some drunken young lady, who looked naive, but yet pretty(perfect combination). I remember thinking, I wish my mate would just go away or something, because I just couldn't bring myself to approach her with him watching. One of those situations where you couldn't care less if she told you to f**k off!

 

[PinotNoir]

Yeah, it's a little bit tougher, and you have to be a bit more socially savvy with it, especially if it can affect your reputation or hers (for example, in a lecture hall).

You can just talk with her, about her interests, etc. Then just say, "Hey, I think you're a cool girl. How about we hang out after class sometime?" Then exchange numbers from there if she agrees. You never make a comment about dating. You just make it seem like you want to hang out as friends. After you get her number, you can either text her and ask for more of a date or you can just meet up with her one-on-one and make it more sexual/flirtatious and kiss her.

Another alternative is to give her an easy way to duck out that's not public. In class, this is easy by slipping her a slip of paper, but this is like high school stuff haha. Or, you can say, "Hey, I need to tell you a secret. Is that okay?" Then you just whisper into her ear, "I find you very attractive, but I don't want to make a scene. If you like me too, just nod your head, and I'll slide you a piece of paper to write your number on. Else, no worries, no harm done, and we'll be friends." This is bolder and makes a stronger impression.

 

[ILoveElla]

Yeah, it's a little bit tougher, and you have to be a bit more socially savvy with it, especially if it can affect your reputation or hers (for example, in a lecture hall).

You can just talk with her, about her interests, etc. Then just say, "Hey, I think you're a cool girl. How about we hang out after class sometime?" Then exchange numbers from there if she agrees. You never make a comment about dating. You just make it seem like you want to hang out as friends.

For goodness sake, she's going to know a mile a way that you want something off her that's more than friends!!! Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that's a major contradiction there PinotNoir!

Besides what's actually different between this method compared with if there wasn't anyone listening??

After you get her number, you can either text her and ask for more of a date or you can just meet up with her one-on-one and make it more sexual/flirtatious and kiss her.

Another alternative is to give her an easy way to duck out that's not public. In class, this is easy by slipping her a slip of paper, but this is like high school stuff haha.

I just couldn't do that!

Or, you can say, "Hey, I need to tell you a secret. Is that okay?" Then you just whisper into her ear, "I find you very attractive, but I don't want to make a scene. If you like me too, just nod your head, and I'll slide you a piece of paper to write your number on. Else, no worries, no harm done, and we'll be friends." This is bolder and makes a stronger impression.

And what's supposed to be discrete about that if there's people watching? This doesn't sound very realistic, and definitely wouldn't be applicable to the situations I was thinking of!

 

[PinotNoir]

I don't think anyone's going to care, and if they do, who cares? Just enjoy life, don't live in fear or worry because of other people. Are you going to let other people's judgement make you miss an opportunity to meet a great girl?

Really, people get so engrossed in their own conversations and thoughts that they'll barely notice. And if they do notice and listen in, if you don't bring up dating, they're not going to really think you're asking her out, but just think you're friends or doing an assignment together or something.

Worst-case scenario, just wait until class is over, run up next to her as everyone is leaving and ask if you can talk to her privately for a bit. Then ask her out. This way everyone is already in the process of leaving and not paying attention.

Why don't you just turn your head to the girls sitting next to you and say, "Hi, how is your day going?" or something stupid like, "Did you like the assignment last night?" That's it. Then after they respond, just go back to staring at your books. It's not going to kill you, and people aren't going to crucify you for asking someone "how are you."

I don't really have any advice, except it's just something you're going to have to get over cold turkey, and it's best to get over it when young instead of later in life.