FR Fr: Approach after softball game

[Start_ed_young]

I was watching a highschool softball game with some guys from my school and we usually like to see if there are any lookers from the opposing school’s team so I’ll go approach. During the game we spotted a blonde fro the other team and decided she was the best. I hadn’t done any approaches in a while so i needed to do this one. Before I lost my nerve I made a deal with my guys that I owed them $3 each if I didn’t at least go up to her.

Game ends, and we walked over to where the opposing team would walk out. When I saw her come out, I looked at her, she looked at me and I stepped closer and said, “hey double 00, you looked pretty good out there!”
Her: Oh thanks.
Me: Now as much as I like calling you double zero, you gotta different name I can call you?
Her: yea! jersey.

At this I kinda thought she was BS’n me and coming up with a clever comeback, because her number is on her jersey and since I was calling her the number, I may as well just call her Jersey.

Me: Really? Jersey?
Her: Mmmmhhhmmm, that’s my name
Me: well that is a name I’ve never heard before you gotta story behind it?
Her: haha, no not really, My parents just liked it I guess.
Me: well jersey, I gotta get going, but I think your pretty good looking, could I eat your number.
Her: yea sure
She put in her number into my phone
Me: alright, good deal. Maybe see you again sometime.
Her: Maybe, see yuh

Now, I went Into the approach with the goal to get the phone number. She was walking with her friend when I was talking to her but I mostly just acted as if she wasn’t there because she wasn’t attractive. She may serve as decent preselection within my social circle bc the guys told our girls I got “double zeros” number. They said, “Jersey?!” (So I guess it was her name haha) One mistake I notice is I think I forgot to tell her my name. Should I even bother trying to do anything with the phone number? She lives a little bit too far judging on the school she went to, I was thinking maybe I’d just add her Snapchat. Lemme know what y’all think, and please critique/advice for future.

 

[ThePhoenix]

Hey Young,

Good job keeping your cool & not chickening out!

One thing is, getting a phone number, as a thing in of itself, is kind of cliché. I think it would have been better to instead go ahead and suggest a meet-up with her, and then get the number simply as a means to work out the logistics afterwards. Your main objective should be getting girls to agree to a meet, not getting numbers. A number in of itself doesn't actually say all that much; girls will often give their number and then not co-operate afterwards, for any number of reasons, worst case being she might even just like the attention.

As to whether to pursue, why not? As long as you're doing it in a cool, non-needy way. Logistics could be an issue as you mention, but it's worth it to at least find out. I've had girls come halfway across the city on public transit to meet up with me; admittedly not one in high school so I don't know for sure if that's going to be viable in her case. Be creative!

If you do plan to act you'll have to do it quickly. Since you didn't give her your name, you can do this in text, preferably in an incidental manner. But you'll have to remind her who you are. I personally don't like "I'm the guy that..." type shit, it sounds a bit pedestrian and needy; I personally prefer to do it in a more bantering way if possible. Helps if you sow the seeds of being able to do that while in person. You could possibly use you and her being competitors in a playful manner; I once had some pretty good results with calling a girl my "enemy" lol. If she doesn't remember you, you could ask something like, "just how many handsome softball stars from [your school] did you meet at [game]?!"

Hope that helps!
Phoenix

 

[Start_ed_young]

Thanks Phoenix,

Your mostly right about a number being pointless in and of itself, but in my position, it was probably best that way. Like I said, since she lives faraway, it was always more likely to work as preselectoon and social status boost with the guys I was with. Had I gone for an actual meet up,
1. I’m not very experienced with doing so
2. It was an uphill battle due to the logistics

In this case I was looking for a trophy to flaunt rather than a future meet up. Also, do you have any suggestions for an opener in this case? I didn’t really know what I was gonna say until she was 10 feet from me.

Lastly, when you say your not about the “ I’m the guy that...” but do it in. A more bantering way, what exactly does that mean?

Thanks again,
Young

 

[ThePhoenix]

Hi Young,

You're welcome, hope I can be helpful!

1. I’m not very experienced with doing so

The only way to learn is to go outside your comfort zones. Now, this being a popular girl does complicate things due to the very social context you're operating under, so I'd certainly understand if you felt it wiser to get experience with less "alpha" girls first.

One thing to be aware of is that, generally, once you've made a move on the girl, as you've done, you typically stand much better chances if you can seal the deal (sleep with her) quickly. Letting it go nowhere could make it more difficult to get anywhere later with this girl. (You may have some leeway if she's social circle and you intentionally keep her at a distance, but generally you want to "strike while the iron is hot" as the old saying goes.)

At least if nothing else it gave you some respect in your social group. I've had guys really look up to me for going up to a random attractive girl and getting her number; what they don't see is that it often goes nowhere. But most guys don't even get into the game!

As a disclaimer: I don't know how her age may factor into all of this; I didn't know anything at all about females until I was way too old to mess with girls your age... I'm just going off how females are in general. I suspect they're not much different, though; I've more recently had older high school girls fairly open although I just let 'em go when I find out they're still in HS lol.

Also, do you have any suggestions for an opener in this case? I didn’t really know what I was gonna say until she was 10 feet from me.

I think your opening was decent. Doesn't need to be fancy. Being cool and in control and having sexy non-verbals are more significant than choice of words.

The main thing is, you opened her! Guys are most often too chicken to do that. It's all too easy when you're not sure what to say to just not say anything.

You may have been (or may still be) able to make use of the fact that you guys met playing baseball to introduce sexual innuendo, since baseball has well-known metaphors for sex. Perhaps, "you looked pretty good out there, but what are your skills like on third base / can you hit a home run / ...?" with a suggestive smile. Tons of other possibilities; I'm sure you get the picture! I'm still learning myself so I can't totally recommend just how early on you could use that, but if you keep it subtle enough I think it could work well.

Lastly, when you say your not about the “ I’m the guy that...” but do it in. A more bantering way, what exactly does that mean?

As an example:

you: [write her some opening that assumes she'll remember who you are, which includes your name]

her: who is this?

you: Just how many handsome softball stars from [your school] did you meet at [game]?!

You see how I've done this? She now knows who you are, but you avoided having to do it via some lame "I'm the guy that...." type line that feels like you are trying to explain yourself, or like you're some average schmuck she doesn't remember. It's also a little cocky (calling yourself handsome etc.), which can be good. (It may be a little much for some girls, but this one being attractive and popular, I think she'd take it well.) You also are playfully implying that she might be a player, which indirectly chase frames her.

Of course, there's a risk that she doesn't even answer the first message. If you had've established some kind of "callback humor" when you had her in person, you could have used this in your opening text. For instance, if you gave her some unique nickname (that she is not normally called by other people), simply calling her that would let her know who you are. Maybe you could use the 00 thing, but that might not be unique to you. Perhaps you could've told her all she needs is a "7" at the end and she'll be Miss Bond (assuming teenage girls know the 007 thingie; it's pretty old but still); had you done that, all you'd have to do is refer to her as "Jersey Bond" in your first text, and you're in; especially if you had've named the contact in your phone as such before passing it to her (and she'd probably smile or laugh).

Another way is to text her a "nice meeting you" or "it's Young, save my #" type thing within an hour or two of meeting. Unless she met another guy in that time, she knows who you are and you avoid the issue altogether.

By the way, I generally don't ask for a number verbally. I just start a contact sheet, put her name in, or nickname if I gave her one, sometimes ask her if the name is spelled right (I usually go for black girls so I wind up getting it wrong 4 out of 5 times, lol), and pass her the phone. They know what you're after so there's no need to ask explicitly, which makes a bigger deal out of it needlessly. Also, in doing it this way, you assume she will co-operate, which is good.

If you do go for her, keep us updated!

Phoenix

 

[Start_ed_young]

Update:

 

[Start_ed_young]

Hey Phoenix,

By the way, I generally don't ask for a number verbally. I just start a contact sheet, put her name in, or nickname if I gave her one, sometimes ask her if the name is spelled right (I usually go for black girls so I wind up getting it wrong 4 out of 5 times, lol), and pass her the phone. They know what you're after so there's no need to ask explicitly, which makes a bigger deal out of it needlessly. Also, in doing it this way, you assume she will co-operate, which is good.

I like this use use of the assuming investment concept. Usually I would say, “ here, put your number in” as I hold out my phone. Because it’s better than asking. But this seems to take it to a next levels of confidence and expectation. I like it.

I decided to attempt to progress thing because like you said, why not? However this was before I was able to read you explanation on what to say if not “I’m the guy that...”

Me: Remember the charming guy with the flowing hair?
Her: Hahahahaha I think sooo
Me: You think so? Wait, How many charming guys with flowing hair did you meet?
Her: I’m jk lol
Me: Well than you remember his name?
Her: Well he never gave me it
Me: Well if your free this weekend I'm sure whoever he is, he would enjoy your company *sly face emoji
Her: Haha what’s your name fr (thought his was a shit test)
Me: Shoot, Friday doesn't actually work for me, how about Saturday (tried to take on a bit of a cocky tone or something)

Since the. She hasn’t responded in about 24 hrs, nor has she left it in read sooooooo... thoughts?

Thanks,
Young

 

[ThePhoenix]

Hey Young,

I still have much to learn myself, but fwiw, here is what I think happened:

I might have done it a bit differently, but I think you did reasonably well until that last text from you.

Her: Haha what’s your name fr

Generally, if a woman is asking you personal questions, including your name, she's trying to build rapport and this is an indication of interest. Now, it was maybe a bit forced since you brought it up first, but I think I'd still take this as at least somewhat of an IOI.

Your interpretation here was that it was a shit test. Not everything a girl asks for is a shit test. If what she is asking for moves the interaction in a positive direction towards becoming lovers I would probably not assume it is a shit test, unless maybe she is trying to make you "too easy". OTOH if what she is asking for derails things or moves you into provider or friend territory then, yes, I would treat it as a shit test.

I think that she may have wanted to build a little bit more of a connection before committing to a meet. You do want to be quick in getting to a meet, but a small bit of connecting could be necessary, for instance, at least giving her your name!

I'll admit the "fr" part could come across as a bit demanding. Perhaps someone with greater experience can weigh in. If anything, I may have thought to be a bit challenging while still not ultimately denying her what she's asking for. You could answer her but in a playful, bantering way, like for instance, "Well, if you promise not to become my next FB stalker, it's Young." (Notice how I implied you've already been stalked on FB by a girl before... hahaha! It's also a chase frame.)

Me: Shoot, Friday doesn't actually work for me, how about Saturday

To me, this comes across as uncalibrated.

For starters, she didn't even agree to the weekend date yet, much less say anything about Friday. It's one thing to assume attraction, but it's a bit much to act like she had suggested a specific date when she hadn't. At least, it comes across poorly in this particular case, I think. If your assumptive answer was clearly playful or teasing, it could work, but this just seems like a vanilla response to her suggesting Friday, which seems extremely forced or like you're not even paying attention to what she's saying.

Trying to push for the date when you two are not on a first name basis was maybe not wise. I've heard of complete seductions occurring without the girl knowing the guy's name, but that is start to finish in a single interaction, which is much different. Usually you want to establish some degree of comfort, which withholding your name is not accomplishing.

Another thing to consider is that not giving your name and then furthermore declining a day she didn't even propose is in a way slapping her on the wrist, but asking you your name was probably an attempt at establishing rapport, so effectively you punished her for doing something you actually want her to do. This is precisely the opposite of what operant conditioning would suggest you should be doing (reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour). This could lead to her perception of your attainability being too low and her auto-rejecting.

I don't know if this is recoverable, but your next communication (hopefully I am not too late in replying) I feel should definitely give her your name, probably in an off-hand manner, like, for instance, by starting with, "Hey Jersey, it's Young.." I would not bring up the aborted date proposal; just get her engaged and once she is showing enough interest, bring up the idea of a meet and see how she reacts.

HTH!
Phoenix

 

[Start_ed_young]

Hey Pheonix

Thanks for all your help on this one. I definitely fucked this one up which is unfortunate. Took me a few days to get over it. Important thing is... I got over it. It was a strange thing though, with her after i was now obviously rejected I was attracted to any of the girls at my school anymore. Don’t know why but that kinda sucks. I’ll keep your tips in mind for next time

Thanks again,
Young