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Text
FR/FU: please please help me explain this riddle!!-
- Thread starter lux7
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just remember something that I read on this forum a while ago. I think it was a senior member who wrote this - "most things you try to do in person can be seen as persisting, but most things you do over the phone are generally seen as chasing" lol Keep this in mind when u text her.
I'm a woman and here are my thoughts:
There are so many reasons why a woman likes talking to a random guy - of cource she is aware of the situation being sexually loaded, but that doesn't mean she actually wants sex with that guy. It's exciting to feel sexual tension and attention and it's fun to be admired and desired. Often, this is enough and we don't want more. Like one friend of mine, who is happily in a realtionship says: sometimes she goes out just to "test her market value". I understand this can be frustrating for guys.
The other thing is about "moving fast". I think if this is going to work, there has to be a *strong* sexual attration and tension there - before you move. If a woman shall have sex with a random stranger (or in this case, almost stranger), I think she both needs to feel very attracted - and very safe.
And that's another point: I don't know if guys really understand how deep the fear among most woman is for not being respected for their boundaries - and ultimately being abused/raped. Hence, most women have very sensitive radars for this, and if they sense that you don't understand or respect boundaries, or they are afraid you won't be sensitive and pick up and act on social cues, they will slow down and even totally reject you.
(A very different, but related subject, is that many men in my culture (North European) are *too* aware of this, which makes them to careful and inhibited towards women, and that's not a good thing either. I actually would love to see a post on this!)
Here is my guess about were you went wrong:
First, you didn't remember her. This makes her understand that you approach a lot of women this way. It's also clear that she didn't make a that strong impression on you in the first place (which is strange if she really was as beutiful as you describe).
Second: she declined following you to your appartment. Her reply "next time" can mean that she wanted to keep her options open or it might have been a way of rejecting you in a polite way - I don't know if she had made up her mind already at this point.
But *then* you try to kiss her even if she turns her cheek towards you and not her lips. She has already said she doesn't want to come with you to your home, she obviously isn't that excited, and you don't pick it up and continue pushing her.
Men who make physical moves when they should have understood that they shouldn't, will make most women back off.
Just my thoughts!
There are so many reasons why a woman likes talking to a random guy - of cource she is aware of the situation being sexually loaded, but that doesn't mean she actually wants sex with that guy. It's exciting to feel sexual tension and attention and it's fun to be admired and desired. Often, this is enough and we don't want more. Like one friend of mine, who is happily in a realtionship says: sometimes she goes out just to "test her market value". I understand this can be frustrating for guys.
The other thing is about "moving fast". I think if this is going to work, there has to be a *strong* sexual attration and tension there - before you move. If a woman shall have sex with a random stranger (or in this case, almost stranger), I think she both needs to feel very attracted - and very safe.
And that's another point: I don't know if guys really understand how deep the fear among most woman is for not being respected for their boundaries - and ultimately being abused/raped. Hence, most women have very sensitive radars for this, and if they sense that you don't understand or respect boundaries, or they are afraid you won't be sensitive and pick up and act on social cues, they will slow down and even totally reject you.
(A very different, but related subject, is that many men in my culture (North European) are *too* aware of this, which makes them to careful and inhibited towards women, and that's not a good thing either. I actually would love to see a post on this!)
Here is my guess about were you went wrong:
First, you didn't remember her. This makes her understand that you approach a lot of women this way. It's also clear that she didn't make a that strong impression on you in the first place (which is strange if she really was as beutiful as you describe).
Second: she declined following you to your appartment. Her reply "next time" can mean that she wanted to keep her options open or it might have been a way of rejecting you in a polite way - I don't know if she had made up her mind already at this point.
But *then* you try to kiss her even if she turns her cheek towards you and not her lips. She has already said she doesn't want to come with you to your home, she obviously isn't that excited, and you don't pick it up and continue pushing her.
Men who make physical moves when they should have understood that they shouldn't, will make most women back off.
Just my thoughts!
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I agree with what attra says for the most part, especially not knowing where to stop in an interaction to push forward. Also not picking up on the clues, however when i first started out i had no idea what those clue were until after i had seen the bad and moved on from woman to woman and losing many chances at a time. If you ever try learning a new language, you can see this and its the weirdest feeling in the world. Youn will sit their repeating sentence after sentence say on rosetta stone. All of a sudden it clicks in your head as if you had known it the whole time when you really havent. Pick up is just like that.
When it comes to my opinion on woman, all of them are different. It's like playing a game, you beat it and follow the rules and it helps you and each time you fall you start from the checkpoint. Once you get online though its a whole different experience. At first you are completely dumbfounded by the situation getting raped but eventually you have matches that you win and lose and you get better at it. Just like in the situation where some girls do things differently and then the things that are constant and usually never change. The person who plays the most obviously wins the most but he or she still has the bad games also.
Coming back to on topic, this is where you must watch the body language, i had a flight attendant come back to me and started flirting with me, but something didnt feel right with this woman. Oviously i have a reputation, however she continued to do it. Her body language was not jiving with what her mouth was saying. A lot of guys miss this as they dont study it. She was saying al the right things but she wasnt facing me, barely looking at me, no hair twirling and her legs were crossed she would occasionally smile at me. So i asked her for her number she gave it to me and i never heard back from her which was exactly what i expected as she was probably trying to make someone jealous, or look for a confidence booster as Attra said. Body language never lies, but pushing forward to see the patterns anyways swhat makes it worth while, in the end we would have lost that person regardless right? y not test the waters
When it comes to my opinion on woman, all of them are different. It's like playing a game, you beat it and follow the rules and it helps you and each time you fall you start from the checkpoint. Once you get online though its a whole different experience. At first you are completely dumbfounded by the situation getting raped but eventually you have matches that you win and lose and you get better at it. Just like in the situation where some girls do things differently and then the things that are constant and usually never change. The person who plays the most obviously wins the most but he or she still has the bad games also.
Coming back to on topic, this is where you must watch the body language, i had a flight attendant come back to me and started flirting with me, but something didnt feel right with this woman. Oviously i have a reputation, however she continued to do it. Her body language was not jiving with what her mouth was saying. A lot of guys miss this as they dont study it. She was saying al the right things but she wasnt facing me, barely looking at me, no hair twirling and her legs were crossed she would occasionally smile at me. So i asked her for her number she gave it to me and i never heard back from her which was exactly what i expected as she was probably trying to make someone jealous, or look for a confidence booster as Attra said. Body language never lies, but pushing forward to see the patterns anyways swhat makes it worth while, in the end we would have lost that person regardless right? y not test the waters
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hehe this is remarkably similar to the girl l posted about who remembered me and even agreed to go on a date with me. not until the end of that remarkably difficult date did she mention l had approached her a few weeks earlier. when l asked what had happened, she said she had found me corky, and not very attractive.
i decided to give it one last go this coming tuesday, l will post what happens soon.
i decided to give it one last go this coming tuesday, l will post what happens soon.
Atra said:
Thanks for sharing!
The last move for the kiss was a way of sealing the whole interaction as a romantic one and not a friendly chit chat and making sure that if we were going to meet again it wasn't on a friendly basis.
Maybe that was already clear with the invite home and maybe it wasn't the best move given the circumstances but.. Water under the bridge
