Frame Control repsonse to: "Okay... but only if we're going as friends"

[Chris_ger]

Hey guys,

I have a question to ask, with a girl that I had my first date with last thursday (8days ago).
So the date was really good imo, but in the end I felt how it slipped and I think what happened was we deep dived too much and we both felt exhausted afterwards, especially her. I read about it from Chase that you can deep dive too long and then suddenly all the magic and connection you have disappears. I think that is what happened. I failed to stop the deep dive soon enough and change topic. Which is a first for me really... well live and learn I suppose.
However I like this girl so I went about it this way. Wait longer than you normally would to text back. to a) get some emotional distance from the deep dive and b) not to look to needy, cause I felt like after the date she started to wrap a cloack of friendzone around me.
So now I texted her yesterday being personal, and positive and straight to the point so she wouldn't need to wonder what I am up to.

"Hey Lydi, hows your week? already assembled your team? You got some free time next wednesday? Could pick you up and get you to a nice rooftop bar!"

She replied this morning saying:

"Hi Chris, my week is really busy, hope yours is better. Thats a lovely idea, however I think that from my point we will rather end up as friends."

so I know that I kinda dropped the ball at the first date. But I know from reading articles here that with good frame control I might be able to salvage this and to not drop into the friendzone.

Any ideas on a good reply? I feel like I need to show her that I am not into "just beings friends" but in a cool laid back way that leaves her the option to either enjoy my company more, with the propability of being romantic, or don't enjoy my company at all.
my first idea was:

"Well I can't tell you that we end up as friends, but I can promise you some relaxed good time!

Thanks for the help

Chris

//Edit maybe this rather belongs to "general subforum" maybe an admin can move it there!

 

[Alchemist]

Had something similar happen to me a couple of weeks ago, but in my case it was "failed escalation" with her bra and pants. And she sent me a very similar text. I just deleted her number because that would have been our 3rd date, she was "too busy" and wouldn't make time for me and pulled the friendzone card. So I could've gotten a new girl who was excited about me in a shorter amount of time.

Your potential answer is solid IMHO, if you want to try to salvage this. I guess you don't have anything to lose other than your time, so if you think you have a shot or you'd like to learn, I'd say go ahead and let us know the outcome.

Good luck!

 

[Chris_ger]

Thanks for the reply,
yeah since it was the first date and I have a lot of stuff to do next days I feel like I might as well try, won't have time to date other woman anyway.
I already detached myself emotionally from getting anywhere with her anymore, so I take it as a learning experience.
Just writing this down helped me a lot to lose some attachment, I think I'll do this more often now, gives a clear head.

 

[Richard]

Yeah,

Your text response is pretty solid, not bad at all.

Curious to see how this one turns out; doesn't seem like you need much guidance either because you broke it down and analyzed it pretty well.

However, if you two do end up going out and she agrees to see you then you need to escalate; it seems like you deep-dived so much that you neglected to show her any sexual side of yourself so she might be rationalizing that you're not interested in her romantically, or that she wanted you to escalate and you didn't so she's rationalizing that you're not aggressive enough (or something along those lines). In any case, if she sees you "Escalate more/More sexual undertone + deep dive less."

-Richard

 

[Chris_ger]

Thanks Richard.
Yeah escalation for me is a tricky thing to get a hang on. it's either two ways for me it comes naturally or it comes forced.
So a couple of weeks ago escalation with the girl just came naturally the touching and everything. Even though she was sitting across from me. We ended up making out and I took her home.
and sometimes, like in this date, I barely get to touch her at all. Now that you pointed it out I kinda knew already while the date was running that I wasn't escalating too much and there was no way to "cut spaces" in the enviroment we were in (cozy chairs) except leaning forward, which we both did. But then I think I touched her hand once, her arm twice and her leg once in 2 Hours of talking/dating which is just not enough and no lingering touches. So yeah you are totally right about that and I already felt it while we were dating, but just didn't know how to change it.
Like I said I either feel its coming naturally or nearly not at all. The dates that I managed to weave escalation into are not many. I already read a bit about it on this side and maybe I'll be able to use em for the second date.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

It's pretty hard to come back from things like this. Usually only changes if she's in your social circle and she gets jealous seeing you with some girls or hearing about you hanging with cool people or shagging cute girls. Or if you run into her after a long time and she can see that you're no longer the same person, i.e., the guy she friendzoned doesn't exist anymore.

I'd see this more as a strategy evaluation than a frame evaluation. Your text is in theory good, I just don't think it'll have an effect, really.

Any updates?

For the next date, focus less on deep diving, more on touching, and invite her home at the end of it no matter what, just so you get the experience of inviting a girl home.

Hector