Friend's Dilemma

[Richard]

Sup fellas - I'm gathering opinions on what my friend should do in this situation. It's not very often I get stumped as to what to do or not do with women anymore but this one's a head-scratcher for me.

My friend Danny likes this girl from his philosophy class but she's the first one out of class when it ends and he hasn't had the opportunity to talk to her all semester (which I chalked up to him being a bitch about it and not taking the initiative) but nevertheless he wants to talk to her... now that his back is effectively against the wall.

So, they haven't talked before but I'm sure from class discussions they've had that the two at least know each others names - and the school we're at works like this: there's an online class list with everyone's email in it so he's thinking of shooting her an email because his final is next week but if you've got an A or B you can opt out (same with most classes at the school) so he doesn't know if she's opting out or not.

The problem is - if he shoots her an email then it's kind of creepy because the two have never talked before but shooting her an email is his only option. I was thinking of telling him something like:

"Hey XYZ - are you taking the final in XYZ class or not?" because it's a simple question, breaks the ice in a relatively neutral way, and depending on her reaction he can mention how he thought she was cute all year but she jets out of class too fast, etc.

What do you guys think about this one?

-Richard

 

[Eternity]

Him: Can i get your opinion on something since you're in class___? What you think? Worthy of dropping or not? (Classic Mystery opener BTW)
Her: Yes/No... blah, blah, blah
Him: Dope. Thinking the same. Need to chill. these tests are murder. Having party on the weeked, u down?
Her: Yes(meet me at xxx.Skirt and heels No(gay/lame...) Silence (It's going nowhere, going all out direct is the only option here so chalk it up as a no go and move on)

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Zphix,

It's been awhile since i write back to you. I manage to get a girl out on a date and the context or situation is little bit the same, but i have manage to try and talk to her beforehand. Basically simple greeting, ask her how she is and what she's doing. That's it.

If she responds positively, tell her that he likes to talk to her and that suggest dropping her number so that he can reach her.

Don't go otherwise. You get your ass whooped.

Zac

 

[Ross]

In my opinion the ship has already sailed. But... It wouldn't hurt to do something. At least that way he gets some feedback.

 

[Franco]

Richard,

I agree with Ross. Missing your opportunity with a girl you like is part of the learning process -- it's what helps remind you later on that, when it's time to talk to another girl and you wait too long, NOTHING happens. Also, the fact that he's liked her ALL semester probably hasn't helped; at this point, he's probably built her up to epic proportions in his mind, and approaching becomes less and less likely every time he doesn't do it.

He can shoot her an e-mail, but it's a pretty cheesy way of trying to get in contact with her at this point and very unlikely to go anywhere. So, a better idea would be to take him out for some day game or to a party and get him to start talking to some new women so he stops thinking about one he hasn't even (really) talked to yet.

I think you already know this, Richard. But I can understand where emotions get involved with close friends or family. =)

- Franco

 

[Richard]

Gentleman - I'm in total agreeance with you all.

But holy fuck is it hard to get guys to admit that it's too late to really make a move and move on... it's like shattering a dream to them.

Anyhow, I've taken him out to do some day-gaming (showed him the ropes) and he said he couldn't do it for the same reasons everyone doesn't do it

Sometimes I hate that friends know I'm good at this though...

-Richard

 

[Godsninja]

Interesting scenario. Did your friend take your advice and not even shoot her an email? I remember when I did this, I didn't even know what to say I just said "hi" or something small like that hahaha.. wasn't even at the end of the year!

It couldn't have hurt to send a nonchalant email though, lowest risk situation, plus, she always jets first and that girl KNOWS it. Everyone is different, coulda went both ways, my point is, for people who are beginners especially (like myself), any on the edge situation is almost always worth going for because something like Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work".

Friends are GREAT, but only his own actions can really teach him his own lessons.

What's done is done.

Hopefully I haven't come off cocky or disturbed any grave, just my 2 cents.

Godsninja

 

[Richard]

Alright guys - I've got an update on this thread.

My friend hit the books and the internet and is now convinced that his personality and astrological birthday meaning seem to point out that he will attract the opposite sex when "he is not looking for one" but, he said he doesn't really know how to "not be looking for a girlfriend" because that's all he's really been doing.

I'm not quite sure how to verbalize a response to this question for him - but I do know that the best girlfriend I've ever had, and my best lays were from girls who I talked to while I was "not looking" but I can't exactly explain how to "not be looking for someone" - any help here?

 

[Franco]

Richard,

Chase has a mantra that I think is absolutely important to take into account when it comes to women, and I first came across it in one of the very first articles I read by him (back in May of 2012) titled, "Women and Drama". While the title is relatively unrelated to the topic of this thread, one of the passages in there is golden, and it relates to how your mindset should be when it comes to women:

In most scenarios, though, these roles hold true: men chase sex, women chase relationships. You should be very afraid if you find yourself in the position of chasing after a relationship and commitment from a woman, or if you become dependent on her and look to her for guidance and support past the commitment point. Normally though, those are women's domains.

Your friend finds himself chasing after relationships when he doesn't even have the confidence yet to approach women. This is going to lead down an endless cycle of failure that never really gets him what he wants. Instead, he needs to first learn how to pick-up (and sleep) with women so that he has the skills to get a girlfriend in the first place. Through that journey, he'll not only learn how to lock-down a girlfriend, but he'll learn more about what he actually wants in a girlfriend so that he isn't stumbling over himself while talking to girls that aren't that special in the first place.

He needs to enjoy the thought of sex with women first, and through the process of sleeping with attractive women, he'll eventually come across one that catches his fancy for something longer than a one-night stand or fling.

Your goal with every woman you want to engage in romantic activities with should always be sex first. There are no exceptions to this. After you've slept with a girl, and once she is chasing YOU, you can begin to decide whether or not this is a girl you want to keep around for a long period of time.

- Franco

 

[Richard]

Franco,

You make trying to explain this to him sound so simple haha - my friend's in general are too prideful to take advice on attracting women...

Even as a living, breathing example of what to do they refuse to acknowledge it and usually chalk up my lays to "she was just easy..." or something else like that...

I know that there's a point where pride is superseded by the want to have sex, new women, etc. but these guys simply have not hit that point =/

 

[Franco]

I know that there's a point where pride is superseded by the want to have sex, new women, etc. but these guys simply have not hit that point =/

With people like this, I find that it's best to tell them the hard way exactly what it is they need to do if they want to have the success you are having. Remember, YOU'RE the one doing them the enormous favor of giving them advice in the first place, so if they aren't willing to listen to what you have to say, it's best to just tell them that you don't want to help them if they aren't going to listen. Trying to help people who want shortcuts is going to cost you (and them) tons of unnecessary mental cycles that never get anywhere. Be strict from the start and tell them, "I'll help you, but you need to do exactly what I say or I'll stop helping you and you can figure it out on your own."

And if they still decide not to listen, then you continue doing your own thing until they smack themselves upside the head after realizing that you keep bringing home new, hot girls every other week. =)

EDIT: If they are close friends that know about this website, feel free to show them my messages. Tell them that these are the guys you learned from!

- Franco

 

[Franco]

Chase's article today is quite relevant to what I just said about YOU having the power, Richard:

• Coming Out on Top: Power Struggles in Your Relationships

- Franco