Socializing Friends in a foreign country

[Darius]

Hey everyone,

It's been a while since I last posted, I've had a few fun adventures with some girls and I've made some new connections with a lot of people.

However, there is this new social group that I'm part of that's a bit weird.

They invite me to a lot of things and generally speaking they are really cool when I talk to them. But, they are all foreign (though they do speak English). When I hang out with them there are a lot of moments when they speak their language between them and I'm left out, basically twiddling my thumbs.

As long as I'm happy and content with it they are cool. But I feel really fucking weird and I'm really thinking of cutting them off. Last time this happened I was fucking around on my phone for like 10 mins because of it, and got bored and just left.

How can I handle this? do I just tell them I'm not cool with it and ask them to switch to English? Or do I cut them off and move on?

Thanks!

 

[trashKENNUT]

How can I handle this? do I just tell them I'm not cool with it and ask them to switch to English

No, no. Don't tell them that you are not cool with it.

This is not to say that your feelings are wrong.

It is common among native speakers to forget that there is a person who is different from them. This is just an unspoken majority rule. It is a rule with all races, that I am pretty sure is universal. It is lesser pain and efficient.

However, I do have two thoughts on this. because I have had everyone speak English and I was the only brown guy there. Legit.

So I'm not sure if your value is too low with this social circle or that the society is just this way across all board.

Anyway, my 2 cents:
I recommend in the future to only accept going to places that they hangout, that involves participation. Example: Games or Sports.
Basically, if they have to talk to you, they have to converse in english. And limit your time there.

That's my advice.

z@c+

 

[Darius]

No, no. Don't tell them that you are not cool with it.

This is not to say that your feelings are wrong.

It is common among native speakers to forget that there is a person who is different from them. This is just an unspoken majority rule. It is a rule with all races, that I am pretty sure is universal. It is lesser pain and efficient.

yeah exactly this, I notice it myself when I'm with people from my own country. It's not just language, the entire fundament of communication is different; different culture, reference points, expressions etc. So I don't blame them. It's just that it means my needs are not being met.

Getting ignored in a group of people that are actually your friends is worse for social momentum than being alone.

However, I do have two thoughts on this. because I have had everyone speak English and I was the only brown guy there. Legit.

So I'm not sure if your value is too low with this social circle or that the society is just this way across all board.

Not a value issue, they respect me well enough. And definitely a society issue, I'm in France, which is kind of notoriously anti-English.

That said, I thought more about this, and what I noticed is: when I'm the alpha of the group and I'm leading the vibe, everything is English. When I'm NOT the alpha and I'm just there to relax and chill, it quickly turns to the foreign language. It's really interesting to think about this.

Some other foreign groups (i.e. from other countries) I've spent time with were the polar opposite of this, they maintained English when I was there (even between themselves!) at all times.

Anyway, my 2 cents:
I recommend in the future to only accept going to places that they hangout, that involves participation. Example: Games or Sports.
Basically, if they have to talk to you, they have to converse in english. And limit your time there.

That's my advice.

Sounds like a sound principle. That or be prepared to be the high energy, leader of the group at all times I'm with them. Which honestly I don't mind, it's a lot of fun, but sometimes I just want to relax and chill and have a quiet conversation. They're definitely not the group for that.

Cheers