Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thread)

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I have been following Girlschase for almost 2 months now and decided it was time to join the forum for advice because I cannot go to sleep right now at midnight due to the thought of being a 21 year old virgin just killing me right now. Haven't had my first kiss, have not even been in a relationship before, and I decide tonight I do something about it. To begin I am going to introduce myself and give my story.

My name is Altair, it is the name of an Assassin's Creed character, and I have not had the typical American childhood. I came to America (Tennessee) at the age of 10 from Algeria. Parents and I would live in poverty when we first started which put me in school in the tougher part of town where I would get into some fights and had a hard time fitting in. When I was 12 my parents managed to move up the social ladder and put me in a better school system where I did make some friends. Then my parents heard of the home school system and decided after seeing me get into fights all the time when they first got here, it would be best if they homeschooled me.

I was homeschooled for all of high school where I didn't have much interactions with other kids. Obviously my parents didn't care, they just wanted me to be safe and I can't blame them for that. I had great scores on the AP exam, made a good score on the SAT, and had quality time with my family.

Time for college came and my parents who were paranoid convinced me into staying home for college and commuting, I ended up going to a community college where for the first time in my life I would actually start to interact with girls. Due to my lack of experience with girls and my parents still monitoring me I creeped most girls out and came off as "weird".

Decided to use google back when I was 18, came across PUA material, read some stuff about game, and started to approach girls. Got good at talking to them, getting their numbers, and even getting close to them but I could never gather up the balls to go for a first kiss. Soon after that I would come across more seduction material and some of it told me about how screwed up women are mentally. I was spending a good bit of time reading PUA material, seduction material, and finding out about what game is about. It made me feel less nervous talking to women but I could never really go farther than them. I can approach a girl, open a conversation easily, and get her number but I cannot go beyond that.

Then at 19 after a year at community college my parents became very lenient and decided to send me away to your typical 4 year school. I was excited but then realized just how cliquey college can be. Made some friends with people here but didn't have much luck with girls at first, I was spending most of my time trying to adjust to living on my own and balancing academics and all that with my social life. Then I found that I knew absolutely NOTHING about college life and how to get laid in college and didn't even know the importance of being in a fraternity.

I would approach girls and most of the time get rejected and it led to me having a shattered ego. Sometimes I remember approaching a hot sorority girl who looked at me and said "HA!" and walked away, everyone in the building looked at me with their eyes opened wide and then looked away. I haven't had much luck at all in getting laid in college and it has made me one bitter guy.

What is screwed up is everything else in my life is going well.

My grades are good, money is not a problem for me, I have a good relationship with my family, and I am about to finish college.

The problem is that I just feel like I have missed out on a lot and there is nothing I can do to make up for lost time. Just the feeling that I missed out on my youth and will never experience the beauty of being young, being in love, and having lots of sex has made me a frustrated and angry person.

I keep hearing how after college everyone gets married, settles down, has kids, and moves on with life. Finding the wild girls who want to have one night stands won't happen, you will never get to experience the same thing again, you will never get to have the same group of friends again, you will never have the same opportunity again to experience casual hook ups, and everything will be about long term relationships. It just destroys me on the inside and sends me into a deep depression when I think about it. I keep thinking that I didn't blossom in college when every guy is getting laid and due to my late development, my social life has sucked. I keep thinking that no matter how much I develop I will always be behind and always miss out, I will never get to experience love and no matter how good I look and how much game I develop I will never be a player who is sleeping with lots of hot girls. It did not even let me sleep tonight.

The thought that guys and girls my age are hooking up, having sex, and being in loving relationships but no matter what I do I cannot get that experience. I got frustrated over this recent that I punched the wall as hard as I could with my left hand and then punched it 5 more times, left hand is still kinda fucked up.

I do not even care about getting married, I am skipping that for my entire life, I just want to sleep with tons and tons and women. I read some articles like not being bitter and I know I have to crawl or walk before I can run but I really just want to have lots of sex with lots of different women whether it is meaningless or not, it is like my way of just saying fuck it and making up for lost time because I am just so damn frustrated and angry right now.....

Now I am 6"2, olive skin, dark hair, dark eyes, and I do look foreign, kind of dark for someone who is Algerian so I have the stereotypical Middle Eastern complexion and look. I have a naturally muscular frame and have been described and good looking a few times. It is just that I still haven't had my first date, first kiss, and I am a virgin.

 

[Flames]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

I was about 23/24 when I lost mine.

Which is late by a lot of people's standards, but to be honest it's one of those things everyone tells you you should be worried about, but they're mostly wrong.

I still have the odd hang-up here and there and I'm 38 now, but I've probably not missed more than a week of sex(except by choice) in 14 years. So relatively it's all worked out.

Read the info on the main site, decide what relationships you want and just stick with that and you'll be fine. In fact you'll be way ahead of most of the population who never used Girlschase.com

 

[Franco]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

Altair,

I won't comment on the whole thread as this type of post has come up before, but I'll help clarify the biggest thing here:

The problem is that I just feel like I have missed out on a lot and there is nothing I can do to make up for lost time. Just the feeling that I missed out on my youth and will never experience the beauty of being young, being in love, and having lots of sex has made me a frustrated and angry person.

You've only missed out on these things if you choose not to find a way to incorporate them in your years to come.

I went to a 4 year university, was in a fraternity, went to MANY a house party, and slept with a handful of girls (although not as many as you'd think; guys tend to exaggerate this number, but if you slept with roughly 10 different girls over your four years in college, you probably did decently well).

But what can I tell you about my life now? It's even better. I learned seduction through the material taught on this website because it's the best, and I've slept with more women in the last two years than I had in my entire life. On top of that, I have a lucrative career and I (sometimes) party harder on the weekends than I EVER did in college. College was a fun memory for me, but it's a distant one. I decided after college that my 20s were going to be better than anything else I've experienced so far; I just turned 26, and I can tell you that my years after college have already been much better than my years IN college, and I still have 4 more years to go before the big 3-0!

It takes a lot of work and determination to become good with women. It doesn't come easy. If you really want it, you're going to have to work for it. If you put in a couple of solid years developing your skills, however, the rest of your life will be better than you could have possibly ever imagined.

- Franco

 

[Drck]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

Take it easy man. The way I see it is that you have a quite disadvantage (in comparison to others), you were homeschooled and thus missed a lot of social exposure to girls and guys. Because of that, others may view you as a loner, maybe little bit socially awkward (judging by the "HA!"). My guess is that you don't have good social skills, and when you try to approach girl with the intention to seduce her, there goes a big alarm in her mind - that "HA!".

I would forget about PUA stuff for now, sometimes by studying this stuff you may discover a lot of problems and obstacles - that actually don't exist. I would focus on creating some friends first, with guys and girls. Join some club, get together with friends for lunch, talk to girls without any sexual intent, just be friendly for now. Forget approaching, just be around, talk to people, let them approach you. Be comfortable about people, and make them comfortable around you. You do smile once in a while, right?

Marriage is overrated so don't worry, you are not missing anything. Even if you want to get eventually married, you have plenty of years ahead of you, you would be a fool to get married right after college.

Next thing, you are passive aggressive. On one side shy, on the other angry. Work more on assertiveness, don't go overboard but definitely work on it. Learn to control your emotions. Your image as a "loner" is currently a disadvantage for you because you don't have social skills. But once you work on it and turn it around, the same image may actually quite help you to excel, which will attract girls. The homeschooling gives you more independence, you are use to rely on yourself only. That is good, use it for your advantage. Become strong and independent, walk your own way and don't try to imitate others. Don't even try to "fit" among others. Build assertiveness and social skills, and your attractiveness to girls will skyrocket. You are different, and that is good, use it, chose some good field and build your life around it. Become better than average in that field and girls will be approaching you. Strong, independent, assertive and socially tuned guy who smiles at people is always very attractive. Always!

 

[PinotNoir]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

You sounded like you have friends, but if you don't, then I agree with Drck to try and get some friends.

However, I definitely disagree with not approaching women, pushing for dates, and learning how to be better with women. Waiting and procrastinating is not a good way to solve anything. If you want to get good with women, then keep approaching and dating. (EDIT: I also disagree that you have a disadvantage. Don't listen to that BS.)

It sounds like you have approach anxiety handled (except for rejection); it doesn't bother you in the slightest. As far as virginity, get it completely out of your mind; it doesn't matter. Virginity is a human construct. Compare a guy that's a virgin with a guy that's not a virgin; their penises/balls are exactly the same. (Women have a hymen, but this can be broken by just riding a horse.) There is no biological difference between a virgin and a non-virgin; it's a made up thing by society. Don't even worry about it.

Since you have approaching down pat, I suggest getting those dates and writing up FRs for guys to critique and help you. Go to GC main site and search for "how to kiss a girl", "the last post you'll ever need", "the bad guy", how to move fast with women, and browse through a couple of others that catch your interest. However, be careful to only select things related to your current situation. When I first started, I had information overload taking in relationship advice and sex advice. Instead, you should only be reading, learning, and work on improving what your current weakness is -- which sounds like dating.

Don't worry about failure or getting rejected. It happens to every guy. Search for "numbers game" article or any other rejection articles. The fact that you're affected by it tells me that you have not approached enough. Maybe consider the Newbie Assignment (in "new? start here" section of "beginners" section).

"Think of the solution, not the problem."
-Terry Goodkind

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

I don't get the whole life being better after college thing, my entire life I have been told college is the holy grail for getting laid and having experience with women which I have not been able to get. So far I have had no problems making friends, have interesting things to talk about, and can relate to many people but the problem is that I cannot manage to do well with the opposite sex. Now I have had 3 girls that were interested in me to some extent and I was interested in them too but I fucked it up because of my lack of experience. I am a fucking virgin in college, that has to be rare as fuck.

Girl 1: Got too aggressive and touched her inappropriately in private, creeped her out, she wouldn't talk to me now.
Girl 2: Waited too long to escalate or do anything, didn't go for the kiss after we saw each other, acted like some weirdo with aspergers, friend zoned.
Girl 3: Poor time management, could hardly see her, was a mess when I would see her, and had too much on my mind outside of girls.

Also I major in engineering which means a lot of difficult upper level math and science courses which require so much time investment. Today I had 2 exams and was so tired after them, like so much of my mind went into thinking and applying to the material at hand that I napped for the entire day because I was so tired so my academics suck the life right out of me.

My mental problem is that I want to be acknowledged as the guy that girls want and fantasize about but instead I am always put into the box of the nice guy. The best people have said to me is that I will have a successful career one day and that is it. Never had a girl call me handsome, never had people tell me I am good looking, and have never had an awesome loving group of friends. I go out and see so many guys having fun with their social circles and I am not involved in any of that.

This has all made me into one hateful, angry, bitter, frustrated, and negative person. I used to read a lot of Red Pill material but I saw it as only a temporary coping mechanism. It made it a lot worse for me so I just quit reading it.

I hardly talk to as many girls these days as I used to. I have had so many shitty experiences in the past with women and just social life that even though I want to have success with them, I just don't try anymore. Sometimes I actively avoid social situations because I know I will

1. never get the pretty girl
2. never have any respect from these people who had it easier than I did
3. will always be disrespected from people

I have put my picture up on dating sites before and rating sites, got a 9.9 on hot or not and some PUAs I talked to online told me how I am a good looking person but I don't see how that is when my social life sucks no matter what I do.

Joined Girlschase as somewhat of a second try with this. I want to experience that life of having cool friends that want to party and have attractive women in my life but it seems impossible.

 

[Franco]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

I am a fucking virgin in college, that has to be rare as fuck.

I was a virgin until college and lost my virginity at 19 years old. I had less than 15 lays by the end of my 5 years at a university and graduated with a degree in Computer Engineering. I now have over ~40 lays (I stopped counting), a hot girlfriend, and an amazing social circle to party and spend time with on the weekends.

You need to re-forge your thinking. There's a lot of guys who've turned their social lives around on this website, but it doesn't come easily. You need the motivation and determination to push yourself to succeed (much like you do to push yourself to succeed in an engineering major). Make a promise to yourself that you'll do it, use this website to set up your game-plan as well as the forum for help and reference, and you'll ultimately find yourself where you want to be if you put in the time and effort.

=)

- Franco

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

Thanks Franco.

I have read Chase's post about not being a bitter person but it is so much easier said than done. The more I try to be positive and kind the more people give me a reason to be a negative asshole. The more I try to be optimistic I have moments of "reality". I have moments where I start to rationalize and think if I am being unrealistic. It just fucks with my head so much and I used to be hopeful even after failures but these days it is so hard for me to be resilient. It is like no matter what I do, what change I make, and how much effort I put in, I cannot manage to have a good social circle or a girlfriend in my life. I always end up being alone and I start to think if it is just pointless for me to even go any further than that.

I want to have that feeling of having cool friends and attractive women in my life but I always feel like here in America that would be impossible for me to do because of so many things going against me.

1. I blossomed late and seems like I am still behind
2. Not the standard when it comes to looks, I am a good looking guy it would seem but too foreign looking (not european)
3. Too many bad experiences weighing me down

It is like how do you get back up when you have been put down relentlessly so many times?

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

This is a message that just required a new post because it is a new thought by me. I have been considering this for a while. Should I approach self-improvement form a new angle?

It seems like the girls in my area want the guy with the countryboy look who drives a pickup and not the guy who looks exotic or different. A lot of girls are cliquish and very cautious about who they are seen with out in public. What I was thinking about is if I should consider putting in more effort into moving to a different region and one that people say is more open minded to see if my results are affected because somedays I feel like moving to a more open minded area will give me a more realistic chance of having a good social life and hot girls in my life.

 

[Drck]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

Ok. You need to keep trying, there is no other way. You are different, but you are on the right track in your life. You are tall, have a great degree with good potential earning, you are trained in logical thinking (science), you are muscular, and the way you write shows rather maturity. You were fighting before which is another good thing (no matter what others say). All of those are positive things generating lots of natural attraction. You are much closer to being a real man rather than a childish boy.

So what the fuck are you complaining about? Go out there and get rejected. Get used to it, who cares, learn to be immune to rejection. Laugh at those fucking rejections, suck it up, be a fucking man.

You are focusing too much on negativity, on how these girls drag you down with rejections. In stead focus on constructing positive behavior. Have a plan: What are you going to do next time when she reject you - are you going to beat yourself up with frustration and negativity, or will you laugh at it and focus on another one? It is only your choice. Embrace those rejections, learn to be proud when she rejects you. Only boys get discouraged and tearful, men simply take it the way it is and walk away to seek another one. Rejections hurt but are good for you, they make you stronger.

Maybe you are trying too hard. Maybe you are using too many PUA stuff and stand in your own way. Some guys have girl inviting him home, talking sex every other minute, being in seventh heaven around him, touching him, throwing her tits in his face, taking off her clothes and spreading her legs right in front of him - yet he is still thinking about which PUA stuff is the best to seduce her. In his mind the seduction "must" be difficult and complicated, otherwise it can't happen - While in her mind is only one thing: when is he going to stop being such a pussy and pulls his dick out finally? It sounds stupid but it happens. Guess how do I know.

Sometimes it just worth to take a step back and simply observe her reactions. Is she attracted enough? Excited about being around you? If yes, you have a green light. If not, walk away.

True, you may have better choices in different area, sounds like girls in your area are more conservative. Which is good if you want to get married.

And there is of course that classical Nice Guy syndrome, most guys suffer because of that niceness. Get rid of it.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

Well that is where the frustration comes from. I am tall and muscular, have been told I am good looking from people who have seen my pictures, and do have a promising future. It is like I have almost everything in my life except for success with the opposite sex. Now I do have a particular attraction towards White American girls who just aren't receptive to me and this has led me to be a bit frustrated. I keep thinking what do I need to do to earn their attention and attract them but no luck. I see guys who seem to have less than me and can barely form a coherent sentence have a lot of luck with them (usually these are country boys). No matter what I do I cannot see any results at all with the kind of girls I like and most of the girls I run into are White so it's not like I have that much of an option.

Plus even if I did I would still like to date White girls and have success with them but no luck whatsoever, somedays I think I could win the lottery and these women would not want a thing to do with my because of my background. I have tried to ask where I can go in America that I might experience success with them but no answers for that either.

 

[Drck]

Re: Frustrated 21 year old virgin who wants help. (please read bold parts of thr

Read about value on GC. You want to have a high value for yourself, but you may be projecting too much value to girls. If you express too much value she may want to have you as a boyfriend, keeper, provider, long term. In that case, she'll put her brakes on and lets you wait. Or she may feel that you are out of league, you have too much of a value and she can't reach it, compete with it, thus she will go to auto-rejection. You want that high value for you, not for her. Its actually little bit more complicated, at this time you might want to project low value to get better chances. Once you get more experience you want to keep your value above hers so she thinks that she may achieve it, get equal to it - and while she is getting accustomed to that value and thinking that she is reaching it, you will slightly increase it again.

Simplified, sometimes you make it seem than your value is less than her by putting her on a small pedestal, and other times you show her that it is you on that pedestal. That way she is 'forced' to keep up with your value, and she basically begins to chase you. She has to, it is just a nature of women to compete in such way. Remember that fucking game girls play, one day she is your best soulmate, making you think and feel that you are in seventh heaven - and the next day she walks around you and looks through you as if you don't exist, as she has never seen you before? Next day she is your love again, and the day after she has no clue who you are? Its called hot and cold, push and pull. Very primitive and at the same time very powerful, guys get hooked on it, they loose their minds for months and even years because of this fucking game. I suffered two long years just because of that. So play that fucking game with them too, use their tools against them. All this assuming that she is attracted enough at first place.

How about attraction? You are attracted to her, but that doesn't really matter. Is she attracted to you? Does she get excited and nervous when you are around? Maybe you are trying too hard, you appear that you are chasing. I wrote it already, take a step back, stop approaching for a while, relax. Make people comfortable around you. Remember, you are tall and muscular, thus by default you are already projecting plenty of dominance. Maybe too much. With your aggressiveness, some negativity and maybe too much of seriousness, it is not the best combination, try to soften it. Try to be more positive, see if it works. Learn to meditate, you might be surprised how many girls get attracted when you are in relaxed, meditative and even passive state state.

Also people are different at different places, different cultures, different countries, different states or cities... In stead of modifying your personality so you fit to that environment, you can simply try to change the environment. Go to different city or state, see if it is different.

Hope it helps!