Fulfillment

[Raglan]

Lately I have been thinking deeply about emotional fulfilllment as it relates to sex and relationships. Most of the sex I've had has been in the context of a relationship with girls I had very intense feelings for; at least infatuation, sometimes love. It felt amazing. I wasn't relying on it for happiness, but it definitely made me happy.

Recently though I've been having casual sex with girls I don't like all that much as people, and it feels like nothing. I literally almost got soft the other night as I was having sex with a physically attractive acquaintance who I actually think is a good person I just don't have romantic feelings for her. Might as well have been lying in bed alone, it would have been virtually identical emotional experience. This surprised me because I have a really big sex drive and most men generally have the attitude that "it's still sex, so it's awesome".

I guess the solution is to have sex with girls who really excite me, right? The problem there is I want more, I become attached, etc. Is it possible to do this without getting greedy, so to speak?

There are several reasons I think might be at play:

1. I'm 19, maybe it's just an age/maturity thing.
2. I don't think I've emotionally moved on from my last relationship
3. Maybe casual sex just isn't something that I find very enjoyable
4. Other? I know I don't know everything so I'm open for any thoughts.

 

[Franco]

Raglan,

I literally almost got soft the other night as I was having sex with a physically attractive acquaintance who I actually think is a good person I just don't have romantic feelings for her. Might as well have been lying in bed alone, it would have been virtually identical emotional experience. This surprised me because I have a really big sex drive and most men generally have the attitude that "it's still sex, so it's awesome".

It's possible that maybe you haven't quite moved on from your ex, but you might not have quite as big of a sex drive as you think you do if you're getting soft with physically attractive women laying in your bed. I know guys who are complete horn-dogs and will shag just about anything that moves.

It also might be that you've reached a point of abundance with women, but you haven't reached a point of "absolute abundance" with women. In other words, you feel you can bring lots of women into your life but you're unable to brings lots of high quality, girlfriend-material women into your life.

Based on your age, I'd say that it's just that you haven't given it enough time yet. I tell most people that I come across an amazing woman, on average, twice a year. So in general, you'll probably meet lots of women along the way who don't quite make that cut, but I've learned to enjoy women for their bodies while simultaneously making them feel appreciated in other ways. You definitely have to learn to enjoy sex and be in the moment -- if your head is anywhere besides being focused on the beautiful creature in front of you, then you're going to not appreciate her or the sex you're having with her (and if she senses it, it'll make her feel terrible and not appreciate you in return).

The final thing to consider is what other goals/missions you are working toward in your life right now. If your focus was entirely on your ex (before you broke up), then all it means is that you invested "too much" emotionally into her because you had no bigger fish to fry. When you have big things going on in your life, then women won't be able to consume all of your emotional resources. So make sure to have other things going on in your life besides women so that you don't rely on a woman to be happy -- that's also a major turn-off for them and often the reason those women don't stick around in the long-term.

- Franco

 

[Zoro]

If you are still attached to a past relationship you might find yourself comparing the girl in front of you with a girl you were very emotionally invested in.

This is a poor comparison, especially if you had good chemistry with the ex. You can really think of people like chemistry; some people get along very well and others react neutrally while others still, explode.

That being said if you expect a new chemical (read:girl) to "react" the same way as your ex, you're going to be disappointed when the chemistry is different and maybe even overlook the different but good in its own way " chemical reaction."

Although you may be having a comparatively less exciting experience with these girls than your ex, see if you can view each experience as a new one to learn and explore.

 

[ray_zorse]

Raglan I think you might be not enjoying sex with average women due to not having built enough of a connection with them. Deep diving is your friend here. Due to the low-intermediate level of my game I'm often trying to hit on girls in poorly paid professions etc whom I might stereotype as not that intellectual or interesting and leading pretty boring "work / sleep / do housework / occasionally go shopping with a friend" type lives, and often need to persist quite hard to discover anything interesting about them or discover a connection but it is there and it is doable! Referring to Chase's ebook you really cannot succeed in seduction unless you love women and believe in them!
Ray