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Fumbled a bright green with bad texting, what happened? How to revive?

theReason

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 27, 2024
Messages
50
2:27pm

“Hi theReason, so nice to meet you” (I sent this to myself from her phone)

3:27pm

“out of your photoshoot yet?”

5:16pm

“Finally yes”

5:16pm (I have gone home, was tired of approaching, thought I lost her from a poor closing, was reading the forum at this point)

“Damn that took a long time”

“I’m still in the area, are you doing anything rn?”
(this is a lie)

5:18pm

“I know they were finishing up some things at first and it was a lot of chatting and setting up the background and lighting. The actual filming was maybe 25 minutes total LOL” (her formatting)

5:18pm

“oh fuck”

5:19pm

“I am not, I’m by *street name* now, what are you up to?”

5:19pm (I am walking to my car to drive over)

“walking to *street name*, if that’s what you want me to do”

5:22pm

“i was just about to leave” (this takes a long time to get delivered, I thought I got blocked, drove back home)

6:02pm

“??? i went back home”

Not sure how to revive this.

There’s a comedy show tonight, I could have maybe teased her about whether she’s willing to “betray her beloved *neighborhood* and go to a comedy show downtown with me tonight”


the interaction:

I was walking in the chick neighborhood, I followed this professional-looking sober girl away from a crowd of drunks, I pass her by, she stalks me for a while and then leaves.

I notice this girl from across the street, sitting at a bench outside of a mexican restaurant, dressed similar to the girl I was following but younger and mousier, so I cross the street at a crosswalk and flit over to her.

I smile at her and she smiles back real interestedly, I stop, double back a little, ask “are you waiting for carryout from the mexican restaurant”

“no I’m waiting for the guy from the film crew to pick me up”

She starts explaining that it’s some video to protest a local zoning law that just got passed. I ask her if I can sit and she motions that she’d very much like me to sit. She’s a resident who loves her city, grew up here, lives here, works as a preschool teacher, 22. She talks about that, I tell her a few shitty stories about the people I know who pass zoning laws, and then, tangentially, the type of people my dad grew up around.

I wouldn’t have talked about such boring shit, but she just seemed to hold on to my every word, like she just loved witnessing me talk. She wasn’t really giving me fuck-me eyes but there was attraction there.

I finish a story, she asks me my name and I ask her her name and I just go like “do you want my number” and she’s like “yeah, I do”. She whips out her phone and her text message app really quickly. I type a message as I ask her her age, handshake close and leave.

What do I do? This happened too fast for me to make sense of it, and I’m trying to utilize recency to keep things moving with her.

Thank you for your time; to avoid this in the future, I’m buying Hector’s texting book.
 

Gorili

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 8, 2024
Messages
54
@theReason,

I agree she was a bright green, but you messed this one up big time. You missed a crucial escalation window...

5:16pm

“Finally yes”

5:16pm (I have gone home, was tired of approaching, thought I lost her from a poor closing, was reading the forum at this point)

“Damn that took a long time”

“I’m still in the area, are you doing anything rn?”
(this is a lie)

5:18pm

“I know they were finishing up some things at first and it was a lot of chatting and setting up the background and lighting. The actual filming was maybe 25 minutes total LOL” (her formatting)

5:18pm

“oh fuck”

Note the high momentum here. She's responding very quickly and investing a ton in the convo.

5:19pm

“I am not, I’m by *street name* now, what are you up to?”

5:19pm (I am walking to my car to drive over)

“walking to *street name*, if that’s what you want me to do”

5:22pm

“i was just about to leave” (this takes a long time to get delivered, I thought I got blocked, drove back home)

She replies to your question earlier by stating she doesn't have other commitments at the moment ("I am not"), gives you her current location, and asks for your logistics. This is the sign of a girl who is available and ready to go.

Instead of soft closing her and taking the lead, you yield the dominant frame to her and ask her for guidance on next steps ("if that's what you want me to do"). She wanted you to drive this one forward, not the other way around.

And then you "reward" her high interest level by saying you're planning on leaving her area, if I'm interpreting you correctly. Bruh what were you thinking here??

This part of the exchange is really, really bad, like borderline autistic. No wonder she didn't reply.

Let's say that you're still some distance away and you're concerned that it'll take you a while to drive there. After you soft close her and she bites, you could hard close and select a location (perhaps a park or a notable landmark) that's like 10 mins away from her. Not only will you get compliance from her walking there, you'll also buy time and reduce the concern stemming from "I thought he said he was in the area, but why isn't he here yet?" directly preceding the meetup.

What do I do? This happened too fast for me to make sense of it, and I’m trying to utilize recency to keep things moving with her.

The missed escalation window coupled with the short duration of the interaction makes this one very tough. I'm speaking from experience, too. I don't think the odds are high.

@Skills has a post on taking a strategic position of weakness. Personally, I would deliver this in an audio message format.

Best of luck and let us know how this goes :)
 

theReason

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 27, 2024
Messages
50
Read the skills article twice and the whole thread once.

“*Her name*… I don’t want to bother you, I just really hope I didn’t leave you hanging yesterday…. I’d love to hang out sometime if you’re available”, delivered in a vocal tone somewhere between bedroom voice and bored, with a hint of exasperation with my own behavior. 10 second voice note, just sent it.

Thanks @Gorili, you’re the rillest.
 

Rakehell

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
747
“walking to *street name*, if that’s what you want me to do”
This was the problem. Have to be more direct and decisive when going for the close.

I.e: I’m near x place, on my way to my car. I was going to drive home, unless you were down to hangout some more/grab a drink (whatever)?

The follow up texts were the nail in the coffin since your close attempt telegraphed neediness/inexperience in her eyes. The texts afterward doubled down on that narrative.

Personally i’d move on and do better with the next.
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

theReason

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 27, 2024
Messages
50
Oh shit!

4 hours later

Hi theReason, it was lovely meeting you yesterday. When the conversation started leading a certain way I didn’t want to lead you on. I do have a boyfriend, but I hope you had a nice time last night.

She was gonna go on a date with me without telling me about the bf hehehehehehehe

I’m not sure what I’m gonna do with this, but Gorili, your instincts are Certified. Excellent call.
 

spear_kin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 29, 2024
Messages
34
I don't understand why you wrote the "leaving the area" part. Neither why @Gorili thinks that bad about it. Please, if you'd like to explain.

Thanks for your time, I'll read the articles.
 

theReason

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 27, 2024
Messages
50
I don't understand why you wrote the "leaving the area" part.

The three minutes of no response made me realize something about the “if that’s what you want me to do” text was bad.

It seemed cynical to me to think that something as simple as asking for affirmation would have stopped her midstream, so I assumed she just somehow guessed I was lying about something.

And I wrote “was leaving,” as a lame excuse as to why I would be taking thirty minutes to walk from one side of town to the other (from her perspective, the world of that lie).

In retrospect, it makes a lot of sense that I had no room to ask her to affirm her desire because her desire was kind-of against her best interests in this case.

Neither why @Gorili thinks that bad about it. Please, if you'd like to explain.

The issue the “was leaving” text itself brings up is it doubles down on my own uncertainty. Makes it clear that I’m more used to complying than calling the shots.

She offered her location and I offered her basically… “huh? what? i can’t hear you” in return. Gorili kind of sees it as a… mock equal-value exchange. Like, regardless of whether I’m offering shit or gold, I should be mimicking the level of investment she expresses in her hand movements (figuratively speaking).
 

spear_kin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 29, 2024
Messages
34
The three minutes of no response made me realize something about the “if that’s what you want me to do” text was bad.
Okay, I get ther first part. The "I'f that's what you want" seems plainly wrong framed.

It seemed cynical to me to think that something as simple as asking for affirmation would have stopped her midstream, so I assumed she just somehow guessed I was lying about something.

The issue the “was leaving” text itself brings up is it doubles down on my own uncertainty. Makes it clear that I’m more used to complying than calling the shots.

But yeah, I get this.
The quality of fine tuning this seems to require is insane sometimes.

Thank you both.
 
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