Casual/FWB FWB with Flatmate turning Platonic

fdango

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Oct 5, 2019
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Hi all,

I wonder if anyone here has experienced a FWB relationship turn platonic that they've perhaps been able to turn around again?

In my particular case it's been with a flatmate. From the first day we experienced an immediate attraction which lead to us sleeping together. And we got along too. It was nothing but hanging out and having sex for the first couple weeks.

I defined our relationship as FWB to avoid expectations down the line, and after foolishly ditching her at the club in the first week she met a guy who has since become her boyfriend.

I was bothered by this but managed to stay cool, and keep a casual, sexual relationship going with this girl. Her attraction always seemed to spike when she saw me flirting, or being flirted with by other girls. But at one point it became too much for me, and we had a falling out. I told her we should go back to being friends and a couple weeks passed before the sexual tension began to rise again.

She asked we watch a movie out the blue, and even though she was obviously turned on I failed to make a move. I thought I'd botched it but she followed me on a night out a couple days later and we had terrible, drunken sex. She confessed she'd though about us dating in the past and she wishes it turned out differently.

It's been 2 weeks now out of a total 2 month tenancy. Since then we've become more and more platonic, spending less time together and occasionally having awkward conversations (usually more awkward on my half). She's been generally less compliant with requests which I thinks a mix of my less-than-smooth talking and a resistance from her to becoming sexual again. I don't date request and am generally stoic, but I think my attachment's beginning to show. The strong emotions have seemed to finally subside on her end in the last week, and she seems happy to treat me like a friend.

I've been attempting to meet other girls but honestly, it's not going great. Bad as it is - she's the hottest girl I've been with so it's been impossible for me not to value her somewhat in my head. I was way more successful with meeting other girls when I had her to boost my confidence. I'm generally off now.

In the last week I've minimized time spent with her, not hanging out with her for anything unnecessary. Brief small talk. I'd hate to just be a "male friend" as it would just distract me from other girls. But I feel there's a balance to this I'm missing.

Girls-chase boards I ask you this - is there any way to salvage this? Should I be warm and build back our friendship, or remain aloof and hope she comes around to me again at some point?

I am, of course willing to move on if I've done all I can.
 
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Cody Lyans

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Mar 8, 2019
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Sounds like she confessed her feelings for you and you said nothing so she is moving on. Why didn't you just say, you feel the same way actually.

Can't now. But if you do it in a cool way she will listen. Be like, this will sound dumb but you know how you said a couple of weeks ago that you were wishing we had a more normal relationship from the start, yeah I actually felt like that too but I believe in people having space to be themselves, cuz two people should enhance each other not put any limits.

Basically you need to have a chat or she will assume you want it to move on. I bet she refuses sex cuz she knows she will get feels and doesn't want to be emotionally rejected
 

fdango

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Joined
Oct 5, 2019
Messages
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Sounds like she confessed her feelings for you and you said nothing so she is moving on. Why didn't you just say, you feel the same way actually.

Can't now. But if you do it in a cool way she will listen. Be like, this will sound dumb but you know how you said a couple of weeks ago that you were wishing we had a more normal relationship from the start, yeah I actually felt like that too but I believe in people having space to be themselves, cuz two people should enhance each other not put any limits.

Basically you need to have a chat or she will assume you want it to move on. I bet she refuses sex cuz she knows she will get feels and doesn't want to be emotionally rejected
Hi Cody,

Thanks for the advice.

Figure I should expand a little. She was very drunk the night that happened and fell asleep basically straight after. In the morning she made a remark that she remembered nothing, as if to say we didn't have sex.

I was going to try your method, but last night she came home crying from stress and I opted to console her. We chatted briefly about her problems (college stress), and ended up watching a movie. We snuggled up, but when I went for a kiss she refused, saying she just didn't want to. I acted nonplussed and excused myself to meet some friends a few minutes later. It wasn't awkward but seemed pretty conclusive.

She's still seeing the other guy from time to time. Which is fine, but now that it's exclusive it hurts a little.

I guess there's no magic bullet at this point. I'd hate to just be her pal as I wouldn't be able to move on. Should I be honest with her - proceed with your suggestion perhaps? Or is it too late?
 
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