Gay flatmate drunk-text you're hot : how to handle ?

[lux7]

Hi all,

I got a gay flatmate.

He's out on vacation and yesterday he got drunk and texted me I'm "fucking hot" -and how he loves my underwear collection lol-.

I kept it nice and friendly in my replies not making any hint at what he said to avoid making it worst as he sobers up (replied things like "lol thanks buddy, drink lots of water before sleeping, good night" and after he wrote again "glad you enjoy your inebriated state" and then stopped replying).

Couple of days and he'll be back home.

He knows I'm not interested in men and while I'm not happy about this affectionate spill it's no huge issue for me provided, of course, the story ends here and there won't any attempt at "changing my mind", which would not be cool anymore.

Would you bring that conversation up or would you change anything?

 

[Seppuku]

Oh my god LOL!

The gay people, fortunately, have a very good sensitivity to this sort of things. Just say something like "well, I'm a little more conventional when it comes to dating". No need to say more. He will get the picture. Most likely he will answer "I know".

It's only the straight AFC males who are absolutely dumb at sub-communication.

It should be easy to handle.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Fuck This]

Ask one of your female friends how they friendzone a guy?

But seriously, you can be very upfront. "Dude, I'm not the least turned on by guys and your comments make me feel uncomfortable. Knock it off, and we don't have to mention it again. I'd like you to be my friend, and roommate and that's it. 'K ?

 

[Franco]

lux7,

There's a few socially savvy ways to handle this. You can defuse this with humor while simultaneously not making things too awkward since he lives with you. If it were me, my response would probably look something like:

Me: "Haha, I know! It's quite a shame that I love pussy so much! Maybe in another life, lol."

It really depends on the dynamic you have with him, also. If you're regularly friendly and laughing with him, something funny like this will go a long way and sending toward "right" message in a relatively comfortable "haha" type of manner.

Your response was pretty good also. It didn't start any necessary fires, and he was probably aware enough to know that you weren't reciprocating his feelings in any way. Gay guys are very sexual by nature. Just laugh a bit, acknowledge the fact that you're obviously a good-looking guy, and let him know you love pussy.

- Franco

 

[lux7]

Thank you all guys.

In the end I decided not to tackle the issue head on, neither "directly" nor with a joke as I felt it was clear enough I don't have any interest, both from previous interactions and from my friendly but emotionally detached replies to his love spill.

Once he came back and chatting about the holidays he apologized about the messages and I replied "no worries, sometimes that's part of the drunk experience", and then moved on, thus underlying again it's no biggie but also not keen in seeing any further of that stuff.
A quick "no worries" or "all good" without excusing the behaviour too much are better than "it's ok" or any explanation why it's no major issue as you make it clear that it was his misstep.

 

[lux7]

Also, I would like to add one more thing on why these emotional spills are very inconsiderate and, to me, underline a very ego-centered personality (a trait which I personally dislike and learned recognize it in women).

Let's wear our X-ray goggles and let's examine the message from an interpersonal perspective:

"I got the hots for you. I finally got it off my chest. I feel so good now that I can say it without blusing (thanks to alcohol)"

How YOU feel about it, as a flatmate and as a straight guy obvious NOT interested in men? How YOU will feel about walking in the kitchen in underwear from now on?

Well, that's the whole point, YOU is not part of the equation, this is all about me.