Genital Herpes/Guilt

[Ambiance]

So this past week has been a total chaotic maelstrom of emotions.

This girl I've been seeing over the summer texted me probably two weeks ago saying she had some bumps on her pussy. I checked myself out down there but seemed fine. Figuring I was safe, and that it was probably nothing, I decided to just not see her until she knew she was safe and proceed as normal.

I messed around with a hangnail on my finger, and it gets infected. I try my own surgery (I know, horrible idea) with a pocket knife and hydrogen peroxide, and it goes bad. (this is important later)

Was already talking to the girl from this LR https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=19077 at this point.

Long story short, we end up having a wonderful night a few nights later, and go bareback the entire time.

Two days later she tells me she has sores down there. I don't know what to think. Is this related to the other girl? Or is this just what happens when you have rough sex?

Now this girl is very much my type, and I'm feeling that NRE (new relationship energy- a blackdragon term). I post the LR, and end up seeing her that very night after, where we grab dinner. We have a great time together, having so much chemistry, but I find out her sores have gotten worse so we don't have sex.

That night we are texting, and I find out a lot of shocking things about her. Turns out she has had about 40 partners. Holy shit. Ok, don't have to think about commitment with her anymore.

The next day her doctor confirms the sores are genital herpes. She is devastated, and so am I. It doesn't really occur to me that this might mean I have genital herpes too. I am just so concerned for her. I am perplexed how it could have happened if I have never shown symptoms, orally or genitally.

Then I start to show symptoms of herpes. Not sores, but I have a fever, chills, aches, overall weakness, and the most telling, a swollen node under my arm. This is confusing too since there's no outbreak down there, and it happened after it did to Kristine. I do some research, and find out about a condition called herpetic whitlow, which is an infection of herpes on a finger. I assume this is what I have and what is giving me my symptoms, and possibly how my most recent lover got her outbreak. Or possibly my finger got infected from her. It may have been that I had an original infection, and that opened the door for me to get herpes when I fingered her. My finger only started hurting after our night, before it seemed like just a wart.

So I have my blood tested, as well as my finger swabbed for HSV1 or HSV2. And then, just when I thought the whole thing was some weird anomaly involving my finger, I develop a slight rash underneath and to the side of my balls. It's not your typical outbreak, but what else could it be??

I'll get results for my finger and blood Monday or Tuesday. And now I need to get the development down there verified, which I'll have to do Monday since everywhere is closed.

Kristine is out of the state on a trip that predated meeting me, and I've talked to her some, but I doubt I'll ever see her again. She is still horrified about it.

There's so much I don't know, but I do know there is a very strong chance it was I who infected her. And possibly my FB too. I feel evil, outright deplorable. I let my lust overtake me, and now at least one girl will suffer at my hand the rest of her life. This was a girl I deeply cared for, despite our short history and her partner count. She should hate me.

And that's not to mention what in the fucking hell I should do now, assuming I'm infectious.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

EDIT: I got my bloodwork back, and so did Kristine. I was positive for HSV1 as of 6 weeks ago or so, and she was completely clean. This doesn't tell me much: Kristine has been with a handful of guys in the past 6 weeks, and the test can't specify location, only confirm the virus by detecting antibodies, so it's likely I like most everyone else had it in my mouth from kissing or licking something as a child. The good news is I didn't have HSV2, and likely don't now. My FB also tested positive just for HSV1.

So can I never eat a girl out again? WTF... Why is this not more common if most people have oral herpes?

 

[Seppuku]

Ambiance,

I am really sorry to read about this. It seems HSV1 is not curable. For medical advice though, it is best to see a qualified doctor. But let us see about the rest.

First remark, according to Wikipedia, the "genital" herpes is the other one, the HSV2. Are you sure you have the genital herpes like the title implies?

If I understand, you got HSV1 all along from before you met Kristine. It may be that you got infected when you "operated" your finger (sort of implied from your post). You may have infected your previous girl (the FB) back then. But Kristine only got infected within the last six weeks, so it could be you, or some of the dudes she's been fucking in that period. But another reading could as well be that you got infected from your FB, and your infected finger could have been linked to the herpes symptoms that developed as a result. Does this sound reasonable? It seems to me that the chain or responsibility is not crystal clear. But does it really matter who infected who?

Regarding your guilt, I would take a step back. Yes it sounds possible that you infected Kristine. But did she asked you to put on a condom when you took her bare? I bet she didn't. Then, do you think she asked the same from the 40+ guys that she fucked before? The truth is that her sexual behavior puts her at higher risk, and she should have been much, much more careful. To catch an STD was a matter of time. It not just AIDS (a low odd, high consequence STD) out there. There are also many more "minor" ones, non life threatening, but who could result in fertility loss. Sorry to say, she may have called it on herself. But yes, it will be easier for her to blame it on you rather than on her lifestyle.

But the same holds for all of us seducers in these Boards.

Our seducer lifestyle puts us at higher risk of catching STDs, and spreading them. It is our responsibility to take all precautions accordingly - at least all the reasonable ones. Yes, there are some sexual practices (such as eating out a girl, or getting a BJ) that seem difficult to avoid - so there will never be zero risk. But fucking dozens of girls without wearing a condom is just calling for problems - it is just a matter of time until we get something. In any case we have no right to "close the eyes" and ignore the risks.

Starting with myself. Me, writing this, already experienced catching chlamydiae. Gosh. Back in late 2015 I was relaxing my condom habit a bit too much. After going through it, I condomed up again. Good lesson. Chlamydia is a "curable" STD, just absorb the antibiotics, and you're clean again after a couple of days. But it's most serious than that... Because it seems that some new strains of this disease are getting somewhat immune to the antibiotics. What then? You keep that for life?

We, people with high partner counts, should take extra safety measures as part of our lifestyle. Which should be the main takeaway from this post.

Seppuku
PS.

Why is this not more common if most people have oral herpes?

I'm not a medical doctor, but from what I have read about STDs in general, there are many "asymptomatic" cases, i.e. infected people showing no symptoms. It is certainly true for Chlamydiae. I've read about asymptomatic AIDS cases as well "clean carriers" - although I couldn't confirm this with herpes. These people don't even know they're infected, and just spread the STD around in all good faith. Which is another reason to condom up.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Yo man you didn't do it intentionally and there's no guarantee (from what I read) that it was specifically you that gave it too her as it sounds she's very sexually active to begin with. I think its good and responsible for you to care but she's just as responsible for this as you are by the sounds of it.

You may want to get retested in a few weeks for HSV II as I believe it can take up to 6-8 weeks to produce antibodies from the contraction of the virus, from what I understand (I thought I had HSV II once and went through the whole process).

Also regarding HSV I I'm pretty sure like 50% or more of the population has it and it often goes asymptomatic in a lot of folks as well. http://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus If it were me personally I wouldn't rearrange my lifestyle with HSV I (but would for HSV II).

STD's are always a very emotionally charged negative experience but from a 10,000 foot view its probably going to be all good in a few weeks and you can just take better precautions from here on out (it takes one or two of these experiences to get more responsible sometimes with your condom use and choice in women).

Keep your head up pimp.

-Rob

 

[Sub-Zero]

This is some scary shit for real. It makes you wanna go celibate. Do yall have methods of protecting yourself from this shit? Like fuckin with boxers on or something ?

There has to be a way we can avoid this at all costs. Shit like this makes me so paranoid because it's like if it happens, well that's the end of your seduction journey.

Hope there's a way to protect ourselves.

Yo man you didn't do it intentionally and there's no guarantee (from what I read) that it was specifically you that gave it too her as it sounds she's very sexually active to begin with. I think its good and responsible for you to care but she's just as responsible for this as you are by the sounds of it.

You may want to get retested in a few weeks for HSV II as I believe it can take up to 6-8 weeks to produce antibodies from the contraction of the virus, from what I understand (I thought I had HSV II once and went through the whole process).

Also regarding HSV I I'm pretty sure like 50% or more of the population has it and it often goes asymptomatic in a lot of folks as well. http://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus If it were me personally I wouldn't rearrange my lifestyle with HSV I (but would for HSV II).

STD's are always a very emotionally charged negative experience but from a 10,000 foot view its probably going to be all good in a few weeks and you can just take better precautions from here on out (it takes one or two of these experiences to get more responsible sometimes with your condom use and choice in women).

Keep your head up pimp.

-Rob

Ambiance,

I am really sorry to read about this. It seems HSV1 is not curable. For medical advice though, it is best to see a qualified doctor. But let us see about the rest.

First remark, according to Wikipedia, the "genital" herpes is the other one, the HSV2. Are you sure you have the genital herpes like the title implies?

If I understand, you got HSV1 all along from before you met Kristine. It may be that you got infected when you "operated" your finger (sort of implied from your post). You may have infected your previous girl (the FB) back then. But Kristine only got infected within the last six weeks, so it could be you, or some of the dudes she's been fucking in that period. But another reading could as well be that you got infected from your FB, and your infected finger could have been linked to the herpes symptoms that developed as a result. Does this sound reasonable? It seems to me that the chain or responsibility is not crystal clear. But does it really matter who infected who?

Regarding your guilt, I would take a step back. Yes it sounds possible that you infected Kristine. But did she asked you to put on a condom when you took her bare? I bet she didn't. Then, do you think she asked the same from the 40+ guys that she fucked before? The truth is that her sexual behavior puts her at higher risk, and she should have been much, much more careful. To catch an STD was a matter of time. It not just AIDS (a low odd, high consequence STD) out there. There are also many more "minor" ones, non life threatening, but who could result in fertility loss. Sorry to say, she may have called it on herself. But yes, it will be easier for her to blame it on you rather than on her lifestyle.

But the same holds for all of us seducers in these Boards.

Our seducer lifestyle puts us at higher risk of catching STDs, and spreading them. It is our responsibility to take all precautions accordingly - at least all the reasonable ones. Yes, there are some sexual practices (such as eating out a girl, or getting a BJ) that seem difficult to avoid - so there will never be zero risk. But fucking dozens of girls without wearing a condom is just calling for problems - it is just a matter of time until we get something. In any case we have no right to "close the eyes" and ignore the risks.

Starting with myself. Me, writing this, already experienced catching chlamydiae. Gosh. Back in late 2015 I was relaxing my condom habit a bit too much. After going through it, I condomed up again. Good lesson. Chlamydia is a "curable" STD, just absorb the antibiotics, and you're clean again after a couple of days. But it's most serious than that... Because it seems that some new strains of this disease are getting somewhat immune to the antibiotics. What then? You keep that for life?

We, people with high partner counts, should take extra safety measures as part of our lifestyle. Which should be the main takeaway from this post.

Seppuku
PS.

Why is this not more common if most people have oral herpes?

I'm not a medical doctor, but from what I have read about STDs in general, there are many "asymptomatic" cases, i.e. infected people showing no symptoms. It is certainly true for Chlamydiae. I've read about asymptomatic AIDS cases as well "clean carriers" - although I couldn't confirm this with herpes. These people don't even know they're infected, and just spread the STD around in all good faith. Which is another reason to condom up.

 

[radeng]

I have some fairly controversial opinions on this that I’ll share. I think most guy SHOULD follow my line of thinking but this is a personal topic to everyone.

First off, There are two ways to be diagnosed with “genital herpes”. 1) you have your cells scraped during a suspected outbreak and tested - the only really definitive way... 2) you have a typical outbreak and you test positive for hsv2. Hsv2 rarely lives anywhere besides the genitals so it’s likely you could pass herpes during sex if you test positive for hsv2. However, 90% of carriers/people (this statistic can be confirmed from a variety of academic sources, sorry I’m going to be lazy in this post and not look them up, but I’ve done extensive research here) will not be aware they have genital herpes because the overwhelming majority of people who have it will never be symptomatic. The statistics are even more crazy if you look at hsv1. Around 80% of the population is a carrier of this virus, but only a few will ever be symptomatic. Hsv1 is not considered a traditional std because it usually presents as a cold sore on the mouth. In recent years confirmed cases of genital hsv1 have risen dramatically because of an increase in unprotected oral sex. Both of the virus strains can be contagious at anytime even with no symptoms. Herpes really is magnificently intertwined with the human race. Most of you probably have hsv1 especially if you make out with a lot of different girls. It probably will be there in you but your immune system keeps symptoms away.

Doctors usually do not test for herpes unless you ask or have symptoms. Doctors don’t think either herpes 1 or 2 is a big deal and neither should you given the above statistcs. The fact is, is you can never know who has it or not because most people don’t show signs. Condemns are only slightly effective at stoping transfer because it’s skin to skin transfer and has nothing to do with fluids. It is mostly getting passed around unknowingly all the time. Some of us here certainly have undiagnosed genital herpes. Statistically we do.

What does that mean practically?? It means this is an STD in my opinion no seducer should ever get tested for. You won’t stop the spread, you’ll only give yourself an anxiety attack if you know you have it. Also, once your diagnosed there could be legal consequences to passing it on, however undiagnosed, you will never be responsible because there is no scientific way to determine who you got it from or who your partner got it from. Also 90 fucking percent of people who have it are undiagnosed and are out there passing it on willy nilly.

I should also mention about 1/5 people are estimated to have genital herpes, and on the curve the more poor you are the more statistically likely you are to have it. Anyone with a lay count above 30 women is almost statistically certain that you’ve had sex with a girl with hsv2 who was totally asymptotic.

With all this information do what you want. I choose to not put myself at risk by getting a diagnosis as long as I am not having outbreaks. If you do have a herpes outbreak that you feel is definitely an outbreak you will be much more contagious on average than those who don’t show symptoms so you should get diagnosed Andre that on anti virals which will reduce your contagious times significantly and make your outbreaks short and painless or even stop them. Your decision to disclose your status after a diagnosis is also personal.

I personally wouldn’t. There’s too many uneducated people out there and disclosing opens one up to a lot of risk of both legal and personal rejection.

Anyway, I’ve studied this topic extensively because my last gf had a bacteria that caused me to have a rash and I freaked the fuck out at the time thinking I had herpes. Now I never got tested because I did all this research and decided knowing wouldn’t be worth it so it’s possible I am a carrier.

I feel confident in my decision to stay in the dark about my status and I hope this helps other guys too. Herpes paranoia is a result of a vastly under educated society on the matter. Hsv2 is getting passed around all the time unknowingly and most people will NEVER know they have it and are passing it on.

Cheers all, and calm down! Life goes on.

Radeng

 

[Hue]

Ambiance,

That's rough man. Definitely take a look at radeng's comment - I think it's a very practical direction to consider this. Many people have Herpes, and yes it's a very unfortunate circumstance. It's not the end of the world. One of my friends has herpes but that doesn't stop him from having sex because he takes the necessary procautions (always where condoms, go celibate during outbreaks, and take regular inspection of the body for open cuts or wounds).

Alek has herpes, and that doesn't stop him from being one of the best seducers that girlschase has to offer. Consider emailing or PMing him, I'm sure he would have great advice for you.


Hue

 

[dcman]

Hi Ambiance , I Have heard that there are medication that stops the out breaks and stops from spreading to other persons. check with your doctor on this it could make you feel better . There are groups and forums that provide better advice on this subject. see if you can see review them and provide the needed information and tools to help you get through this period.

 

[Chase]

A lot of great, deep perspectives here.

Just one thing to add: Ambiance, looks like you just shagged this girl for the first time less than a week ago?

I don't know the specifics on HSV transmission, but I do know for HPV (another skin-transmitted STD) it takes between 30 to 90 days between transmission and first sign of symptoms. I would assume it's likely to be very similar with herpes.

I'd have a hard time believing you could bareback this girl and a few days later she has a herpes outbreak of which you are the cause. Far more likely it's coincidental timing, your own herpes scare and this girl's outbreak -- and she picked it up from one (or more) of the 40 other men who were there before you were.

Chase

 

[Space]

Ambiance,

I'm sorry to hear your story.

Relevant question: where on the Internets to find 'always up to date' (read: including the latest, antibiotic resistant variants) and 'sex positive' (read: not moralizing that you shouldn't have sex) education about STDs in plain English? A quick search has found nothing, meaning such a public health resource may be hard to come by?

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Ambiance,

It's already been said, but the majority of people in the world today already have some form of Herpes, however, most people will never experience an outbreak.

This is going to sound like commercial, but this post is guaranteed to help those unlucky few people that experience herpes outbreaks on their lips, face, genitals wherever. I was one of the unlucky few that did get outbreaks. I got my first herpes outbreak on my lips when I was 6 years old and experienced outbreaks about twice a year for the next 20 or so years. I made it my life's mission to find a way to stop these outbreaks and I have. Take a look at this study:

https://patents.google.com/patent/US20040235931

If you don't want to read it all, it basically shows how a naturally occurring compound found in broccoli and other cruciferous vegetables called Indole-3-Carbinal (I3C) completely shuts down the herpes virus, both simplex 1 and simplex 2. You can either eat broccoli on the daily, or take one I3C capsule once per day to prevent outbreaks. I haven't had an outbreak for over 10 year now and quite frankly, no one should be experiencing herpes outbreaks at this point.

I have a site dedicating to solving this problem, it something that I am very passionate about:

https://herpescureonline.com/

You even get to see a video of yours truly haha.

So Ambiance or anyone else in this thread, mom was right, eat your broccoli and you're golden.

 

[Ambiance]

Hey guys-

Wow, there's a lot of really great responses here. I am so fortunate to be part of this forum; you guys rock. Thank you immensely for the support.

I took what you all said and also did a bunch of research. Long story short of the matter is I am going to be fine. More than fine actually As of right now I really doubt I have genital herpes, or that it was I that infected Kristine. But even if that were the case HSV1 is really no big deal at all, and I know I don't have HSV2.

Things with Kristine are going well- lots of sexting and I saw her earlier today. She might even come back over for round 2 tonight lol

Seppuku,
HSV2 is typically genital, but under the right conditions can spread elsewhere. The world is seeing increasing amounts of genital HSV1 due to oral sex patterns, though HSV1 is weaker than HSV2 by a margin.

I'm pretty sure my symptoms came from fingering Kristine and getting my finger infected. The fever and swollen lymph node and general weakness strongly correlated with the pain in my finger, and went away as my finger improved.

You are very right about us seducers having a special responsibilty considering our lay counts. I was irresponsible in fucking my FB bareback when she hadn't proved herself trustworthy. Same goes for blindly trusting Kristine our first night. I will be far more rigid going forth in following the guidelines detailed in Chase's post about raw dogging.

As always thank you for taking the time to help me out

Mr. Rob,
You are very right about responsibility going both ways: reading your response really helped me rein myself in when I was first feeling down about it.

I set a date to get my blood tested again after enough allotted time.

And again you are right in that everything is now all good now that I have all the proper perspective. Even better, I got a very important lesson out of it.

Just want to say your words were very instrumental in getting out of the fog I was in. Very grateful

Sub-Zero,
My plan is to use condoms and Divine 9, which should reduce risk by 95.5% for skin transmitted diseases. I'm also gonna be much more discriminating in I go condomless with- going bareback with my FB was very foolish and I knew it yet did it anyway.

I will tell you though that this stuff is not the end of the world. Even if I had gotten HSV2 I'd still be able to pursue my goals with women. It would just be riskier and I'd have to take more precautions. That said, no STDs are preferable;P

Radeng,
This is the best advice I possibly could have gotten. I was doing a bunch of research the other day, formulating my conclusions, and then I read your response that was basically a fully evolved version of my thoughts that would have taken me weeks if not months to arrive at. Your advice is so practical, way superior to most of the articles out there on the "life-ending phenomenan of genital herpes".

I read your response a couple times and ended up cancelling my appt, only getting tested for my infected finger.

So, everything is more or less back to normal! Thanks a million You consistently have some of the best advice on here. I remember getting excited after you came back from your hiatus lol, I read a lot of your old posts when I was a total newbie

Hue,
I didn't know that about Alek... clearly herpes hasn't slowed him down! Herpes is so overrated lol... if I ever notice an outbreak I'll just do what you said your friend does.

Thanks for the support brother

Dcman,
Yeah if it ever comes to it I will definitely be utilizing those pills. Pretty empowering how much we can minimze outbreaks. Thanks for your suggestion

Chase,
Agreed. You've put together quite the forum. Don't know where I'd be without it.

Regarding transmission, in theory symptoms can start as early as 2-14 days, but in practice it's supposed to take much longer, based on the studies I read and physicians I talked to. I'm sure the sex we had was instrumental in triggering her outbreak, I learned from the best after all haha Kristine and I now think she got it from her last BF who had regular cold sores.

Thank you for your input, and for providing this fantastic forum. Really saved me from what could have been a dark time.

Space,
I would try the CDC site, they have a lot of good resources. Also, scientific journals are pretty reliable

ProblemSolving,
Wow, this seems truly invaluable. Makes me bewildered that the medical community is not jumping on optimizing iC3. If extracted compounds are enough to reduce formations by over 99%, just imagine how powerful a further engineered product could be.

If i start getting cold sores, definitely will try your product out. Appreciate you sharing. Also its always cool getting to see what a tribal elder's fundamentals look like. I've been reading your posts since I first joined this forum and gotta say you've given me a lot of great insight. Probably have at least 10 of your posts bookmarked lol

Thanks for your support!

 

[Space]

Space,
I would try the CDC site, they have a lot of good resources. Also, scientific journals are pretty reliable

Shouldn't we make the single best resource we can find a sticky somewhere on the forum? I've heard about the US CDC is a good resource, but there again, you probably don't need to/want to read the whole site, there should be the jam packed, actionable info in a format to educate the general population on mostly everything they need to know. Do you also think the CDC info is 'sex positive' enough for our purposes, or do each one of us have to read between the lines?

Possibly we can find an educational resource from a more 'sex positive' stand point for our practical purposes? I was thinking about turning to advocacy groups for good info, but to which one?

Are people really reading scientific journals [in general] for basic sexual health education? That's a new concept to me, really.

I also wanted to ask that is this thread in the General section because in the Sex section no one would notice it?

 

[dcman]

What does that mean practically?? It means this is an STD in my opinion no seducer should ever get tested for. You won’t stop the spread, you’ll only give yourself an anxiety attack if you know you have it.

Hi Radeng , there are medications like Valtrex that lowers the transmission significantly ( https://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/ne ... smission#1 ) The emotional toll on a person getting this STD is significant. This should be taken in consideration when deciding to remain in the dark and take the chance others may get affected or to get tested and decide based on it on the way to proceed.

Do you also think the CDC info is 'sex positive' enough for our purposes, or do each one of us have to read between the lines?

Hi Space , My 2 cents is better to talk to a doctor as information on the internet tend to be general , out dated and not specific to a particular case.

 

[radeng]

Dcman,

It’s a personal decision, but this is in light of the fact that 90% of people who are passing this around also won’t get tested and therefore won’t know they have it. If you do get diagnosed the burden of disclosure is now on you but not on the 90% of people who don’t know they have it. So if you do get tested and you have it, then you are now at risk for legal action if by chance you pass it on but all the people out there who aren’t getting tested can face no reprocussions. Even though you are doing the right thing and making your self safer than those other people, you will not be treated fairly in the eyes of the law were it to ever come to that. If society was more educated about the topic no one would give 2 shits about herpes, but instead there is incredible stigma around it. So much stigma that many sexual health doctors recommend not getting tested for it unless you show symptoms just because of the mental aspect of a diagnosis.

So yeah I mean if you feel that you must get tested then go for it, I opt to stay with the 90%.

I did reference that if you are getting outbreaks to go to dr to get antivirals or alternatively try problem solvings approach.

I understand that the ethics of this decision are debatable and as a seducer with a high laycount I’ve come to peace with the fact that my partners may be at higher risk than average. You have to make that decision for yourself. Chances are likely that you are clean anyway, but you can never really know with herpes since most people never show signs but will still pass it on to others who may show signs.

@ambiance

Thanks for the props and very glad you found my advice helpful. I was very stressed when I thought I had contracted herpes as well and didn’t realize how uneducated I was about the subject. I generally don’t even talk about it because there is so much cognitive dissonance around it. In fact, I had a doctor tell me that you should only get tested if it’s very painful blisters and all herpes hurts, which isn’t even close to the truth. So even in the medical community people don’t know much about STDs. I guarantee most of your most sexually active friends have not had any STD tests recently. I go every 6 months for everything but herpes tests

Radeng

 

[Sub-Zero]

When you say go to the dr for anti virals, wouldn't that make it known you have it? Wouldn't they ask or just write down you have it? Then after that it would be in the medical records? What if a doctor just does an eye test? Can that still be medically noted in your records?

What do you do if it hurts bad? Just find a homemade remedy online?

Dcman,

It’s a personal decision, but this is in light of the fact that 90% of people who are passing this around also won’t get tested and therefore won’t know they have it. If you do get diagnosed the burden of disclosure is now on you but not on the 90% of people who don’t know they have it. So if you do get tested and you have it, then you are now at risk for legal action if by chance you pass it on but all the people out there who aren’t getting tested can face no reprocussions. Even though you are doing the right thing and making your self safer than those other people, you will not be treated fairly in the eyes of the law were it to ever come to that. If society was more educated about the topic no one would give 2 shits about herpes, but instead there is incredible stigma around it. So much stigma that many sexual health doctors recommend not getting tested for it unless you show symptoms just because of the mental aspect of a diagnosis.

So yeah I mean if you feel that you must get tested then go for it, I opt to stay with the 90%.

I did reference that if you are getting outbreaks to go to dr to get antivirals or alternatively try problem solvings approach.

I understand that the ethics of this decision are debatable and as a seducer with a high laycount I’ve come to peace with the fact that my partners may be at higher risk than average. You have to make that decision for yourself. Chances are likely that you are clean anyway, but you can never really know with herpes since most people never show signs but will still pass it on to others who may show signs.

@ambiance

Thanks for the props and very glad you found my advice helpful. I was very stressed when I thought I had contracted herpes as well and didn’t realize how uneducated I was about the subject. I generally don’t even talk about it because there is so much cognitive dissonance around it. In fact, I had a doctor tell me that you should only get tested if it’s very painful blisters and all herpes hurts, which isn’t even close to the truth. So even in the medical community people don’t know much about STDs. I guarantee most of your most sexually active friends have not had any STD tests recently. I go every 6 months for everything but herpes tests

Radeng

 

[radeng]

When you say go to the dr for anti virals, wouldn't that make it known you have it? Wouldn't they ask or just write down you have it? Then after that it would be in the medical records? What if a doctor just does an eye test? Can that still be medically noted in your records?

What do you do if it hurts bad? Just find a homemade remedy online

If you have symptoms, especially painful ones, absolutely do go to a doctor and get antivirals which will make you and all your partners safer. If the sores are not on your boy parts then you don’t have an std even if you have herpes on your lips or eyes or wherever. All types of herpes are treated with valtrax even if it’s not genital. If you don’t want it on your medical record then don’t go to a doctor and try your hand with a natural remedy. I would definitely try problem solvings remedy above.

And just to note. If you have occasional outbreaks and don’t want to get diagnosed I would not judge you, although you have to choose your own ethical code. I personally know people, both men and women, who have it but don’t disclose and take valtrax to make their partners as safe as possible. So legal ramifications would be very rare even if you did pass it to someone else. These are personal decisions and I couldnt advise any one way, but I think the myth that herpes is such a life changer Or even a huge deal is a bit of an overstatement and the stigma is way over blown.

Cheers,
Radeng

 

[Sub-Zero]

I don't have it (Knock on Wood and God Forbid) , just was asking because so many people having it and know one really knows. What do you mean by legal ramifications would be very rare? Do you mean if you use valtrax? Does that make it look like you took care of the partner so they can't get you in trouble in court? Or do you still mean if the person doesn't tell?

You know anyways to avoid that at all times? Life shouldn't be so worrisome, but I want to be safe at all times and this stuff is wracking my brain and making me super paranoid.

I love head, and the worse part is girls will just give me head with no warning, so how fucked up does that sound ?

Girls will kiss me too with no warning. It's so hard to be safe out here.

It's like one girl can just ruin your whole life, could be the 1st or the 200th, shit is scary and depressing, makes you wanna go celibate. I say celibate because a girl who you trust could have some shit in her. It's like you can't trust anyone.

It sadly is a big deal, because if it wasn't there wouldn't be any law of disclosure.

It's crazy when you think about it. Then you also have to think to yourself would you sue a chick if she gave you something ? Yeah it'll teach her a lesson, but the whole world will know you have that shit.

If a chick does it, she will be looked at as a poor victim and men will still sleep with her even if she has it.

This is so frustrating and makes me paranoid.

When you say go to the dr for anti virals, wouldn't that make it known you have it? Wouldn't they ask or just write down you have it? Then after that it would be in the medical records? What if a doctor just does an eye test? Can that still be medically noted in your records?

What do you do if it hurts bad? Just find a homemade remedy online

If you have symptoms, especially painful ones, absolutely do go to a doctor and get antivirals which will make you and all your partners safer. If the sores are not on your boy parts then you don’t have an std even if you have herpes on your lips or eyes or wherever. All types of herpes are treated with valtrax even if it’s not genital. If you don’t want it on your medical record then don’t go to a doctor and try your hand with a natural remedy. I would definitely try problem solvings remedy above.

And just to note. If you have occasional outbreaks and don’t want to get diagnosed I would not judge you, although you have to choose your own ethical code. I personally know people, both men and women, who have it but don’t disclose and take valtrax to make their partners as safe as possible. So legal ramifications would be very rare even if you did pass it to someone else. These are personal decisions and I couldnt advise any one way, but I think the myth that herpes is such a life changer Or even a huge deal is a bit of an overstatement and the stigma is way over blown.

Cheers,
Radeng