Getting back the girl who chose to pursue her other priorities

[migs.salvacion]

Hey guys

I've been following Chase's post about how to get a girl back for a while now and followed if not all tips or principles you he taught us. Anyway, here's my situation. There's this girl I've dated for 3 or 4 months, and it was mutual and we really hit it off. I moved fast with her and things weren't really going downhill for us.

4 months ago coming out of college graduation, we were both finding our first jobs. There is this company that she applied and it was one of her top choices. Now she recommended to me that I applied for the same company. The company hired her prior than me. Unfortunately, I was also applying for the same position she got in. My reason for applying for that position is because I really like that position and I was really inclined in that kind of job. She also knew that I wanted that kind of job it was just unfortunate that she got hired first. She started to feel cold towards me because she thought that if I got hired we would be spending too much time together and she doesn't want her professional life to coincide with her personal life. The company however did not hire me. So I told her that what she's worrying about is not going to happen because I was not hired. However, she still was cold towards me so I gave her space and limited my interaction with her. She texted me and had the talk through text and she decided to break things off. I accepted and respected her decision because there was nothing I could do in text to make her feel differently from what she is feeling that time. I knew what was wrong, that I kind of scared her of what's going to happen that is why she pulled away on her own.

It has been 4 months now and I still like her. I never chased her after the talk. We belong to the same circle of friends and I've heard the thoughts of our other friends that I should wait for a casual gathering and assess how can I get her back. During the 4 months that we weren't together, I've been improving myself in terms of other personal things and focus on my career. We haven't seen each other since our last date.

My question now is how exactly do I get her back? I'm planning to wait for a casual gathering of our social circle then maybe I'll ask her to catch up with me. If we indeed catch up, and assuming things go pretty well during the catch up, do I ask her immediately to start things over or do I need to set another meet?

I appreciate the help guys. Thank you!

 

[ray_zorse]

What I would do here is hold myself in check a little, casually set up a meet and spend time with her and see if the chemistry is still there. I would just treat her as a friend and enjoy her company. If things seem to be going well after a few meetups then I would then try to re-seduce by casually pulling her home or having her come over. I would NOT state my intentions until I'd laid her. I also wouldn't do any of this unless I really liked and respected her as a person and wanted to be friends with her and spend time with her. Whilst I would not advise this with a new girl I think it's not so risky with a girl you've laid.
Ray

 

[Lawliet]

I would NOT state my intentions until I'd laid her.
Ray

This is really good advice. I wish I can save this!
So the idea is to let it casually happen from just hanging out

Lawliet

 

[migs.salvacion]

Hi guys,

I appreciate the replies and the help. So here's a little update, so the casual gathering of our group finally happened and we were both there last night. We greeted each other warmly minimizing the awkwardness and the tension between us. She was little more awkward than me, because there was this moment when we were left at the table, she called her friend not to leave the two of us. Her friend said to her, "you're the one who's making it awkward" and we both had a big laugh. The gathering was a blast, I was just my usual carefree vibe. Before the night ends, I approached her and asked her what she has been doing lately. She shared some stories about what's new with her recently. After that I asked her that we catch up because we don't have the time to talk about all the other positive things in our lives. She said that she'll get back to me because she was going to check her schedule first. I was fine with it and very understanding and we both said our goodbyes.

Now one of my closest girl friends said to me that I don't follow up yet this week because I may seem too eager if I follow up this week. This seems to be a contradiction to one of Chase's principles of don't wait too long. She also added that I should give the girl the impression of having forgotten about the catch up idea.

What do you guys think? Is my friend right? Or should take action, shoot and ask questions later?

Thanks guys really I appreciate the help!

Miguel

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Migs,

The gathering was a blast, I was just my usual carefree vibe.

This is good. She should see that you've moved on and that you're loving life without her. This is what makes exes chase.

Before the night ends, I approached her and asked her what she has been doing lately. She shared some stories about what's new with her recently. After that I asked her that we catch up because we don't have the time to talk about all the other positive things in our lives.

This is a mistake. She left you, and now you're chasing her. In order to get a girl back, SHE needs to chase. SHE needs to be the one checking in on you and inviting you out.

She said that she'll get back to me because she was going to check her schedule first. I was fine with it and very understanding and we both said our goodbyes.

She is brushing you off because nothing has changed. She dumped you and you're STILL chasing her. If you want her to chase you, bring a hot girl to your next social gathering. Unfortunately, if you were already dating a hot girl then you wouldn't even be thinking about your ex, so this advice might be easier said than done.

Now one of my closest girl friends said to me that I don't follow up yet this week because I may seem too eager if I follow up this week. This seems to be a contradiction to one of Chase's principles of don't wait too long. She also added that I should give the girl the impression of having forgotten about the catch up idea.

What do you guys think? Is my friend right? Or should take action, shoot and ask questions later?

You're misrepresenting Chase's principles. It's important to move fast with the girls THAT WANT TO BE WITH YOU - this one doesn't, so forget about her. Don't ever call or text her, or try to check up on her. If there is any hope of getting her back then SHE needs to be the one doing these things.

Find new girls to date. If this one comes back, great, but by that time you will probably not be interested because you will have better options.