Getting Back With an Ex: Two Options

[1031Vulcan]

I've read so many articles on this great site in the past few days and I feel like I've already learned so much about being a man and being in a relationship. A month ago, my girlfriend of one year broke up with me saying she simply wanted to see other people. I agreed, saying I did too. For a week after, she told me she was so sorry and it was a mistake. I brushed her off and continued to be separated. Three weeks after, it really hit me, and then I returned saying the same things to her, but by that time she stopped caring and moved on. I haven't talked to her for a short while now after she told me I needed to heal on my own. I have, but I fear may have done too much damage by coming and telling her that I missed and needed her. I hope that my silence after that moment will suffice. Before discovering this site, I already came to the realization that I can and will meet and be with others. However, she has told me she still cares about my well-being and wants to be friends if nothing else. She's been unclear about getting back together and so have I, and I plan to stay that way until we next meet. Now, we're going to be living on campus at the same university in relatively close proximity come the next 2 months.

I want to be with her again, but I do realize the is not "the one," or my soul mate, or the perfect match for me, etc. I know this and I do not need to be with her, I simply want to for a number of reasons, such as for the challenge and because she's good in bed. I plan to not talk to her over text and only tell her I won't speak until we meet at a coffee shop on campus. Then, I plan to use the technique of moving her and taking her for a walk. I've learned about so many techniques through this site. I see what it means to be dominant now. Before in the relationship, I certainly wasn't in charge. Power struggles, trust issues, letting her make important decisions, etc. She is a submissive girl and I think that me not being dominant enough was the main factor why she wanted to meet other people. I have envisioned two ways to demonstrate my new self. Here are these ways:

Option A:
In this scenario, I plan to speak with her briefly about life, using conversation techniques to keep her interested in my attitude. Soon after and when she doesn't expect it, perform a manhandled, spontaneous kiss, trying to hold contact and make it passionate. I'll make my intentions with her clear (that I want and don't need her, and I know what I want now and be similarly confident) if she isn't completely turned off and disinterested by this. One way or another (still looking for help here. Possibly: "Come see my decorations." Then pin her to the wall and make out inside) I transition her to my room, and I give her some unforgettable sex. She was very easy to get from making out to full sex. I could make her come without problem before, and after reading articles on how to be a good lover here, I am more than confident I can satisfy her, only If I get to this point. Admittedly, it is more of a long-shot and relies on chance, but I feel it will "hook" and re-engage her the strongest should it succeed. On the other hand, it runs the risk of her being overwrought with guilt for sleeping with me so suddenly again and then it's on me to talk her out of feeling that way.

Option B:
In this scenario, I play very vague in the conversation. She asks me how I've been or what I've done in 3 months, I say something like "What I did doesn't matter, what I learned from it does." These sorts of mysterious lines to make her interested and invested with me now. Make her want to find out what's changed and why. I tell her again that I want, not need her, and I won't tell her how I'm different. I challenge her to find out how by being with me. I tell her that I want all-or-nothing with her, that we should start a new relationship, not jump back into our old one. I'll explain how I'll only show her how different I am by dating again, and won't tell her that I'll do it by being the strong, dominant type she likes and that I should be. This seems like it is more likely to lure her in at first, but may be too slow to show how different I am and cause her to leave soon after.

I intend to make it clear that I will be the dominant one, and that I will not take her attempting to undermine me as I would have before. I will tell her I'm not afraid to let her go for good if she does not learn to effectively communicate back, whereas before I would do everything I shouldn't have, like apologizing or being passive aggressive towards drama. I did everything wrong while we were together that just reinforced her negative behavior and let her know that she had me completely tied down and conquered. I won't be this time, and if that change shocks her too severely, that's just too bad and the end of it.

Of course, things rarely happen as you expect. I can easily get her to meet at the coffee shop, but after that it's my choice of what to do and my will to carry it out. In the end, I want the same thing: a full relationship in all facets (companionate, romantic, sexual) but have different ideas how to pursue that end. I'm asking here for which sounds more likely (or something else I could try), and what I can do or say to maximize those chances. I can be more specific about our past or either choice; I didn't want to type absolutely too much for one post. I don't need advice not to get back together, because I have more to gain than lose from this. I'm not scared of total rejection and I can handle cutting all ties. If none of it works, I can then afterwards easily start meeting new women with conversation techniques and mindsets.

Thank you for any advice.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey dude I think the maxim here is "show, don't tell"... I understand that you feel a lot different based on your new knowledge, but appreciate that:

(1) You really have to practice the knowledge to solidify it and achieve a mindset shift. This is only really happening for me after being a seducer for a year and having a number of relationships to practice in... nevertheless I still find myself being quite beta in relationships, unexpected attacks of neediness etc. It takes A LOT of work to get this out of your system, just the fact of having read articles is really not enough. You really need to practice on some disposable relationships.

(2) GAME is useless on girls who have known you a long time. Game is basically about managing first impressions favourably. So rather than trying to present a front to your girl, you are much better to go honest. Having said that, the main reasons girls break up with you comes down either value or attainability. In your case it appears to be a value problem. The only real way to get your value back is to flirt with a lot of other girls and have her know they're sleeping with you.

(3) Once a frame is set it cannot be changed in any reasonable amount of time -- if you start being dominant with your girl now, she's just gonna go, oh hello, he's being dominant now, I wonder how long that will last... and probably test you a lot more than you would like. Remember, girls HATE incongruence. If you are to get back with your girl I would advocate a "gently" approach. You can introduce dominance, but you must do it sneakily, so that she does not notice anything.

(4) Now that you understand dominance and game (to an extent), you will have a much better time practicing your knowledge on new girls. On the first 100 girls you will fail miserably. But the advantage of doing it like this, is that a girl who doesn't know you before, won't be expecting you to be weak and beta. So when you come out with all this dominance she'll just think "ahh, he's a dominant guy". So her reactions will be more reliable as an indicator of how you're progressing.

Hope that helps brother. There's nothing wrong with getting back with your ex, but I wouldn't really expect things to be too different. Slightly different, maybe.

Ray

 

[1031Vulcan]

Thank you, Ray. It did occur to me that I won't totally change based on knowing these things, but all the same I feel more able to manipulate emotions and be stronger based on these lessons.

I wasn't an emotional wreck before, although I would break down for her sometimes. I was typically very calm and reserved and I've always been that way in conversation and otherwise, so I had that down. I never did speak much before, however that came out of shyness, not practicing amount of Least Effort.

She does know me, inside and out, but from meeting, I want her to notice I'm not exactly the same as she knew me and have that entice her. Like I said I let her be the dominant one, except in sex where she was particularly submissive. Neither of us were experienced, but she wanted really rough sex and to be blindfolded amd tied a lot. I didn't care for it, but did it anyway to please her. Ironically, I now have a taste for being dominant during sex and I realized it post-breakup and before Girls Chase. I was also worried that this one meeting just a relatively short time after won't be enough, so I just may postpone it and date some more at the college beforehand. Thank you.