Getting Second Dates

[Bboy100]

Hi guys,

So I've been doing a lot of experimenting with date methods as of late. I've tried going for first date sex. <---This sometimes works, but it's not a reliable method...at least, not at my current skill level.
I've tried lightly kissing a girl, but not inviting her home. <----So far, this has never worked.
I've ended dates without kissing girls, and they have sometimes requested second dates with me. <---these are always girls who I wasn't interested in to begin with.

Every time I tried going for sex and ran into too much resistance, I attributed losing the girl to "failed escalation".
Every time I didn't invite her home, but did kiss her, I attributed losing her to "missed escalation window".

After the first date, my texting is pretty standard. I send her the "Hey, I had a good time" text the next day. And I invite her on a second date a few days later. I have had a couple girls reply to those texts, but they pretty much always kept blowing me off (i.e. "sorry, I can't because [Insert bs excuse here]". Eventually, if I persist enough times, they stop replying altogether.

My question is, given that we otherwise ended the date on good terms, and everything seemed to go well, if there was some sort of physicality to the date (i.e. we kissed, we madeout, or there was some escalation), is there an reason why I would lose the girl other than the ones listed above? I've still had 0 second dates with girls I didn't sleep with. And I'm starting to think that maybe there's some other cause which I'm entirely unaware of. Any thoughts?

 

[ProblemSolving]

My question is, given that we otherwise ended the date on good terms, and everything seemed to go well, if there was some sort of physicality to the date (i.e. we kissed, we madeout, or there was some escalation), is there an reason why I would lose the girl other than the ones listed above?

For the vast majority of girls, fast sex with a guy who is pretty much a stranger, has to be a surprise and NOT a logical decision.

When you kiss, make out, or escalate without closing, a funny thing happens to most girls when they get back home and their emotions stabilize. They actually have remorse for being easy/slutty. Thoughts like, "I kissed, made out with, or whatever with this guy I barely know, why did I do that?" "If I see him again he'll be expecting sex and I don't have sex with guys I barely know." So when you try to arrange another meet, she flakes because she is forced to make a logical decision to have sex with a strange guy instead of it being emotional and spontaneous.

A couple of things can be done to minimize this effect. First don't kiss, make out, or escalate, if sex isn't possible. Second, deep dive well enough so you're no longer a stranger to her. Try to get her to reveal stuff that her best friends wouldn't know. If you connect well enough, you can recover from moving a little too fast because you're "just like her" instead of being "othered".

 

[Bboy100]

When you kiss, make out, or escalate without closing, a funny thing happens to most girls when they get back home and their emotions stabilize. They actually have remorse for being easy/slutty.

I could totally see this as being true in the case of making out or more. But I feel like a light kiss on a first date is perfectly acceptable and "non-slutty". Even by mainstream society's standards.
Would you recommend I not kiss them on a first date at all?

Try to get her to reveal stuff that her best friends wouldn't know.

I feel like I already do this. I've had girls tell me things like:
- Experiences of being raped
- Her being depressed (something she specifically said only two others knew about)
- Multiple cases in which girls revealed they were divorced
- A girl even once told me her husband died.

And I never even ask about this stuff. They just bring them up on their own accord. I actually always thread cut negative topics like those when they come up. I was just using those as examples that came up off the top of my head. There's quite a lot more.

For the most part, on almost every good date I go on, girls always tell me something which makes me think "woah, I'm surprised she told me that. I feel like that's pretty private/not first date material".

 

[ProblemSolving]

I don't personally go for a kiss if sex can't happen. All it does is communicate to the girl that you really like her and she may really like you too or she might still be on the fence about you. If she already really likes you, the kiss won't hurt, but if she was on the fence you probably won't see her again.

You have to understand the competition you're dealing with online. The vast majority of girls are screening hard for boyfriends and most guys are happy to oblige. Because you're familiar with GC you probably think all the other guys out there are trying to get laid as soon as possible, but you would be wrong. Most guys are perfectly content paying for dinners and dates with the hopes of getting laid sometime in the distant future. These guys don't push for sex and simply wait for the girl to make the logical decision to have sex. The only problem is that the girls expect YOU to adhere to the same protocol and because there is so much abundance for a hot girl online, you won't get a second chance if you move quicker than she'd like.

 

[Bboy100]

I don't personally go for a kiss if sex can't happen. All it does is communicate to the girl that you really like her and she may really like you too or she might still be on the fence about you.

Hmm yeah, I could see that. I always did it in fear that she might either go into auto-rejection, or she might think I'm too much of a pussy to make a first move or both. But yeah, there's definitely the other side to that coin- preserving the intrigue/mystery I've created. I'll try this strategy out a few times and see how it goes. Thanks Problemsolving!

You have to understand the competition you're dealing with online...

This is something I've actually been thinking about a little bit. Cause I mean, on one hand, she's hyper-validated by all the attention she's getting from guys. But on the other hand, most guys who are on Tinder aren't even moderately well socialized. I feel like most "normal" guys usually go around finding GFs via social circle. So Tinder is left with pretty much just social retards and guys who are above average skill level (i.e. guys who believe they are good enough with women so that seeking short-term hookups is actually a viable strategy for them). But I'm willing to bet that 90% of them are social retards. And most of what the girls I've met say seems to line up with this belief.

So even though they have a lot of guys in terms of sheer numbers to pick from...do women really feel like they have a high abundance of options? I feel like the answer is no. Because even if I had 100 fat chicks to pick from I'd still say I effectively have no options. Most Tinder guys are the male equivalent of this.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Yeah if you're worried about them auto-rejecting, just deep dive and touch them so they know you find them attractive. Keep the date short and sweet. Dragging a date out without escalating causes the date to lose momentum and kills attraction.

A girl experienced in online dating will have encountered lots of normal nice guys that are willing to wait on her sex time table, but she will also encounter some players that try for fast sex. The success of each guy will depend on what a particular girl is looking for. Also don't trust what their profiles say they are looking for.