Getting Women Who Keep Rescheduling to Commit to a Date

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Hey guys,

I've noticed this issue popping up and am not sure the best way to go about it. I meet a girl, get her number, go to set up the date, and then she's busy, so we reschedule. Then it happens again. And again.

Im cool about having to reschedule, but after a few times it becomes ridiculous. So this happened a ton with sexy-photos girl, the dog walker girl (she owns her own dog walking business and works a lot - not too unusual), and the married woman I met. We plan a day and I go the day of to text them and theyre busy with work or something comes up.

It may be legit, may not. I know girls who are super busy can make the time to meet.

The issue is they wont commit to the meet up. They dont appear to lose interest, but it starts to wear me out.

So from what I understand, the best way to circumvent this is to:

1) same day date
2) keep meeting women
3) mix up texts with phone calls

I also usually try to "punish" the behavior by showing less interest each time we have to reschedule.

As an example, I made a plan with dog walking girl to meet today for drinks, but then she said:

Her: "Hi! No probably not today".
Me: "no worries - crazy snow" (it started snowing today).
Her: "just working"
Me: "ah. dont freeze your butt off ("yikes" emoji?) "
Her: "Oh I am haha"
Me: "its too nice for that (tounge sticking out emoji) "
Her: "Haha"
Me: "well Im pretty busy next week, but stay in touch~"
Her: "Definitely"

She honestly responds pretty damn quick to my texts (less than a minute). So I dont think its a lack of interest. I also am legitamately busy next week, so Im not just playing around.

Maybe Im not exciting them enough before exchanging numbers to go on the date and I need to be more polarizing? Im not sure.

Any ideas? Tips and advice are also very welcome!

NBW
 

Fluxcapacitor

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Messages
780
@NewBeeWinner dude! I recommend you ask for the date before the number. This means you ask her in person, not over text. She confirms the date, then it's less likely she'll cancel, and if she's not interested she won't accept meaning you'll have less useless numbers. Above all else you screen her availability when you ask for the date and climb a yes ladder in the process.

Secondly, impose a cut of. You will only ask her a maximum of 3 times, this saves you wasting your time. After the third time you send a ball in her court. You have to impose this boundary and respect your own time. This alone puts you above all her orbiters and makes her reassess your value and she might invest.

Look at your texts, now look at hers. One word answers, she's not investing in you she's giving the bare minimum and most likely hoping you take the hint or get bored. Your last text was horrible (in my opinion) stay in touch. Very commanding... She's said "definitely", but I'm convinced if you don't text her you won't hear from her again. Your text came from the one down position and she views herself as higher value than you.

It doesn't sound like you've future projected or seeded a date plan, so there's no commitment or anything here. The keep in touch also sub communicates you've tolerated her bull shit and she knows she has you where she wants you.

The objection/rejection should have been handled better, switching topic to the weather was disastrous. She misinterpreted it that you asked if that's why she couldn't meet you, yikes!! "Bummer, we'd have had fun!" - comment on the snow here if you really must but you're prolonging a conversation and fighting for her attention here. If she's playing games and not cooperating cut it. Reengage later. This is the "punishment".

Another thing to think of is state shift, she was happy to give you her number when she did. But she's just text Jenny, and Jenny's having a bad hair day so now she doesn't want to meet anyone. Maybe the dude she likes posted on his social media or she's got 1000 new likes and she's happy now and doesn't need to meet you in 3 days time...

If this girls been given a few chances ball in her court her dude. In the mean time, meet more girls.
 

DarkKnight

Cro-Magnon Man
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Oct 18, 2018
Messages
1,576
@Fluxcapicator the "commanding" part makes me think about what I told you last Friday about the guy who failed to hook the blonde.. the playboy guy. He was very persistent as well, while she replied dryly.. but he too went about the commanding route.. intuitively I felt he came off overbearing.

What are the exact dynamics of why this is wrong? Is it as I suspect, that the "commanding" part is seen as a hail mary to regain control? Thereby telegraphing you feel you are slipping..
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
6,553
Radio silence for 1 week.

Then

"Hey, What you up to tonight?"
*Her response*

If the text is bad, it's dead. If it's logical, then do this

"Let me give you a call".
*Use that girlschase call article*
*Try to meet her that night, next few days and go direct straightaway*

Basically, you are resetting about how she thinks of a date with you, which is another chore in her schedule, to something spontaneous that she can do, in her mind.

This girl might be a busy girl or just that kind of girl who needs a lot of convincing. But this kind of girls, their mindset is very linear. It's not the date itself. It's how she thinks about you, mentally.

Once log in, it's highway to slam town. :)

z@c+
 

Fluxcapacitor

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Messages
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@DarkKnight dude! "Commanding" is half joking here, he has gave a command but it's soft and holds no authority. It's typically wrong because he's stacked up asking for compliance when he hasn't got any. It's uncalibrated and borderline needy because it conveys to the girl that you value her and her time while she doesn't value yours.

You're right that it indicates you're slipping and it's a desperation attempt to cling on to the interaction and get her attention. (Showing she is more valuable) It might keep you in set a little longer, but it might be finished here. The big issue is he's clearly chasing here and the texting that proceeds this could have been handled much better by handling the rejection/objection better.

Saying you're busy next week comes out of nowhere, then hits the command. If he's busy next week what reason does she have to keep in touch? Would have been better left, the "Haha" is an awkward response to his validation of telling her she has a nice ass. That's a lot of sexual attention given away for free while trying to punish her. She's got everything she wants already.

Agree with @ZacAdam about a weeks radio silence, with a low buying temperature following @Skills texting guide might be the best follow up or @DML guide on reviving dead numbers. (This one might not be dead, not sure how many attempts @NewBeeWinner has tried? if it is 3 attempts already should have been a ball in her court)
 

fog

Modern Human
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NewBeeWinner -

what i suggest is to do a frame grab after a girl exhibits flakey behavior. this will protect and increase your value.

girls who flake hold the frame, but you can steal the frame back to make it seem like YOU were the one who flaked. thus, switching the dynamic back in your favor.

heres a scenario: in the days leading up to the date, you notice she is losing interest. on the day of, you ping her for receptivity and investment levels. if shes not receptive nor investing, do not bring up the plans, and cut contact till the next day. then, to get the frame back, say something that implies you sluffed her off. something like:

NewBeeWinner: fell asleep. maybe next time.


then follow up a week later using skills' basic texting guide. you'll be in good shape.
 
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Fluxcapacitor

Modern Human
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Dec 17, 2018
Messages
780
@fog dude! I disagree with this, it's passive aggressive and actually gives her more power. If you "remember" the day after you've still thought of her and brought it up yourself this only works if she mentions your plans otherwise you seem butt hurt about it and not very sexy.

The checkin text is to remind them on and give them "control" to actually cancel and/or rearrange. This makes her feel like it's her choice and you let her know you haven't forgotten. This will reduce the flakes and make smoother transitions.

If she cancels you can handle the rejection in a socially graceful way and keep the door open for the next ask, if you're going to. If you're not going to be persistent you should still end it well, this can change her mind in itself because you show your value with handling this well.

The frame grab should have been done in the rejection "it's cool no worries, it's a bummer we'd have had fun! Maybe another time" - this future projects you'd have had fun together, you're not hurt by the rejection and you've frame grabbed it by removing your offer so you've cancelled rather than allowing her the freedom of "probably" which is as bad as "maybe" .. it all implies low value.
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
@NewBeeWinner dude! I recommend you ask for the date before the number. This means you ask her in person, not over text. She confirms the date, then it's less likely she'll cancel, and if she's not interested she won't accept meaning you'll have less useless numbers. Above all else you screen her availability when you ask for the date and climb a yes ladder in the process.

Secondly, impose a cut of. You will only ask her a maximum of 3 times, this saves you wasting your time. After the third time you send a ball in her court. You have to impose this boundary and respect your own time. This alone puts you above all her orbiters and makes her reassess your value and she might invest.

Look at your texts, now look at hers. One word answers, she's not investing in you she's giving the bare minimum and most likely hoping you take the hint or get bored. Your last text was horrible (in my opinion) stay in touch. Very commanding... She's said "definitely", but I'm convinced if you don't text her you won't hear from her again. Your text came from the one down position and she views herself as higher value than you.

It doesn't sound like you've future projected or seeded a date plan, so there's no commitment or anything here. The keep in touch also sub communicates you've tolerated her bull shit and she knows she has you where she wants you.

The objection/rejection should have been handled better, switching topic to the weather was disastrous. She misinterpreted it that you asked if that's why she couldn't meet you, yikes!! "Bummer, we'd have had fun!" - comment on the snow here if you really must but you're prolonging a conversation and fighting for her attention here. If she's playing games and not cooperating cut it. Reengage later. This is the "punishment".

Another thing to think of is state shift, she was happy to give you her number when she did. But she's just text Jenny, and Jenny's having a bad hair day so now she doesn't want to meet anyone. Maybe the dude she likes posted on his social media or she's got 1000 new likes and she's happy now and doesn't need to meet you in 3 days time...

If this girls been given a few chances ball in her court her dude. In the mean time, meet more girls.

I usually do ask for the date before getting the number, which is also what I did here. I do need to get better about setting a day/time in person though. But I also agree I need to be more firm on 3 attempts before a ball-in-court text. But quick question here. With the sexy-photos-girl (so a different girl than this one), I had done 3 attempts and a ball-in-court text and then she responded wanting to meet, we met a second time, and then back to the flakey behavior again. Do I keep to the 3 attempts and ball-in-court text pattern again or give even less opportunity (so like 1-2 attempts before another ball-in-court text or just moving on)?

Btw, this is the second attempt with this girl (the one I posted about above).

I also see how I totally have tolerated this bullshit - and how the weather comment was not a good choice...yikes indeed. Taking a look at the first attempt with this girl, I also made the same mistake I made here.

It's typically wrong because he's stacked up asking for compliance when he hasn't got any. It's uncalibrated and borderline needy because it conveys to the girl that you value her and her time while she doesn't value yours.

You hit the mark right here. I totally see how this failed compliance.

Saying you're busy next week comes out of nowhere, then hits the command. If he's busy next week what reason does she have to keep in touch? Would have been better left, the "Haha" is an awkward response to his validation of telling her she has a nice ass. That's a lot of sexual attention given away for free while trying to punish her. She's got everything she wants already.

These are also very valid points. Yikes, this doesn't look good.

As to what I'll do,

I agree with @ZacAdam on the week silence and his suggested follow-up steps. I'll implement these with actually all 3 girls I'm having this issue with.

In the future, I'll also do @Fluxcapacitor's frame grab. The part I've been missing here is in the middle - the "it's a bummer, we'd have fun!" part. Up to now, I always tried to "punish" by only doing radio silence for a couple days or a week.

I'll also take a look at skills' texting guide.

I have to pay a lot better attention to how I'm punishing not being compliant and controlling how I'm giving away my validation/attention. Thanks for all the help guys!

NBW
 

West_Indian_Archie

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
375
So from what I understand, the best way to circumvent this is to:

1) same day date
2) keep meeting women
3) mix up texts with phone calls

That's all you can really do. There are recovery texts to keep the chat going, but there's nothing you can do reliably to compel her to honor her commitments.

Girls don't do commitments. They don't keep promises. They try to wiggle out of contracts. They aren't on time. They change their minds and change their plans when their moods change. It's who they are, and trying to put them into a box is the quickest way for them to want to be away from you.

For her to show up, she needs to really want what you have to offer.

What's happening at a higher level is that she values whatever else she's doing more than whatever you bring to the table (be it your cool awesome self or whatever the date experience would be). Her desire for your presence is not something that you can reliably increase in one phone call or text message.

I think the old school protocol here, correct me if I'm wrong, is that you don't "date" girls, you invite them out to whatever cool thing you were going to do anyway. That's one of the bigger lifestyle changes I made when I discovered the game.

I'm not sure how to do that easily given the plague, but prior to the plague, I'd have something that I wanted to do on any given night. Art Gallery, Restaurant, a hankering for fried fish, museum, movie, boys/coworkers having a shindig etc. I'm going to these things regardless of whether she comes or not. So if she decides to come or not, I'm not pressed. The overall goal is to have a great life, she can share in it if she wants to, or not.

These days you can definitely enhance this approach to your game with social media and creating a FOMO feeling. That can be further enhanced with high likes, lots of engagement, and obviously good looking pictures, good looking snapchats and insta-stories. Social Media is a running ad campaign. And if the right people like and respond, that has social proof/sexual pre-selection effects.

But you can't really "increase your value"/"her desire" via one text exchange, or one call. Interest and attraction wane, no matter how awesome that initial interaction is.

That said, if you're really jonesing for something, I'd read the field reports here. Maybe somebody happened to turn one girl around via a text campaign. I've just never had that happen.

WIA
 

Fluxcapacitor

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
780
@NewBeeWinner dude! the second time I'd stick to 3 attempts then ball in her court. The reason being if you're going to say this is X amount of times you've took a rain check 1 and 2 should be constant, if it happens again be less lenient.

The issue you have to look at here is why is she being flaky again? The date fell short somewhere. I vaguely recall your report and remember you getting a BJ from her where you tried to film it for her only fans? (Correct me if I'm wrong) I think you fucked her but I can't fully remember. How did you follow up? She might have ASD or backward rationalised what happened and if you didn't follow up with this strongly she'll be flaky if she's unsure.

Considering she has an only fan's where she's posting BJ videos, she's getting a lot of sexual attention anyway. If she's met other dudes she might have better offers, or perceived better offers. I imagine this is a state shift cause it sounded like it was her first time filming a BJ so she very well could regret doing that. - if you didn't fuck her here you also missed an escalation window.

Everything girls do is a test, so if your texts following up were bad you'd have failed her tests and again enabled/accepted her bull shit if she was unsure about you, you've made her mind up. I'd have to re read your report to have a better idea of what happened.

Edit * just re read the report, I remembered correctly you didn't get the L. It was badly planned, had a few fuck ups, she told you after your texting sucked (not great) and the 5 follow ups... yikes. Ball in her court her dude! You've let her view you as lower value and stacked negative compliance. I know and understand your logistical issues but when she told you she was horny and checking if you had her charger it was a booty call. She's backward rationalised this and it's not worked in your favour.

For fingering to rough, start off rubbing her clit (around it, not on it) to "warm" her up first. It's a turn on button, keep pressing it! (There's an article about keeping on rubbing until you're in) a tip if you don't have much room is to run your finger/hand up her slip to the top and pull it up with your finger/palm. It'll pull her tight and her lips pull on her clit doing the work for you (you can do this when you're in her too) or when your fingers are in her push your palm against her making a vacuum on her clit. If you're not actively rubbing it with your palm it'll create a suction feeling.
 
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NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Update: Following @ZacAdam's process, I texted sexy photos girl and she said "I'm working til 6 then. Need to get stuff figured out long. Story but short story is I'm busy what's up" two minutes after I sent my text. I asked to give her a call and she said to call her at a certain time when she was on her break. Said sounds good, gave her a call during that time, and talked. She voted and had watched a dog for a friend who destroyed her room, I guess. Anyways, in summary, I updated her on that I got a job and put in the ball in her court repeating that I'm not big on chasing people through their schedule so give me a text when you get that mess sorted out and you have a bit of time. She said yeah we'll have to get together some time this week, if not next week and so now the ball's in her court. Call lasted about 4 minutes.

I also sent the text to the dog walker girl. She said "I have overnights all week so pretty busy". So I sent the standard ball-in-court text and that's that. This was the third time trying to get her out - plus things just haven't been moving forward much with her. Last I saw her in person, she was dog walking her dog and was super happy her dog didn't bark or growl at me or anything and she talked a lot, so we'll see how it goes.

NBW
 
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