Girl at work with a bf. Too much?

[Adventman]

I've just started a new job as a bartender and there's a few really attractive gals working there, all with boyfriends. There's one girl in particular who's shown interest in me since I started. Last night we were both on the bar and she was putting her hand on me every time she went past, even if there was room to get by. At one point she was unnecessarily pressed up against my back and had her hands on my shoulders for about a minute while she took an order. There's other guys working there who she flirts and laughs with more verbally, but doesn't interact physically.

We talk a bit, but usually the bar's really busy so there's no space for deep conversation, and I can't small talk or banter to save my life as it just doesn't generate any interest in me.

The rub is, I've no idea what to do with this situation. Feels like a wasted opportunity to just let her attraction dissipitate and I wouldn't know how to begin approaching it anyway. On the other hand, I don't want to mess up and cause drama in my new workplace. Thoughts?

 

[Good Vibes]

I've just started a new job as a bartender and there's a few really attractive gals working there, all with boyfriends

They may all have BF's but they may not all be satisfied with them, you'll know if you dig deep enough.

There's one girl in particular who's shown interest in me since I started. Last night we were both on the bar and she was putting her hand on me every time she went past, even if there was room to get by. At one point she was unnecessarily pressed up against my back and had her hands on my shoulders for about a minute while she took an order.

This girl seems like she's one of the one's that's not satified with her BF, even if she is satified just assume she isn't. If you ask her about it she'll feel confronted and probably denine it and you'll lose your chance, so you need to work on her subconsious mind. Her attraction for you is current and you need to develop a chase frame quick, so next time she touches you start with comments like these,

* What a pity your boyfriend doesn't get this much attention from you as I'm getting. (She may denine this at first but you will laugh about it, showing her that she'll have to do better if she wants you and allow her to become comfortable continuing it.)

* Is this the way you normally show a guy that you're wildly attracted to him? (This may flush out her true intentions but regardless of her response, tell her it's alright and show her it's all in good humor.)

* You just can't keep your hands off me can you?
* I feel like a fluorescent light and you're the moth.

You can think of many others, it's important to let her be comfortable about touching you because if you don't she''ll stop doing it soon and find someone else.

After several exchanges like this go down well and if there's a chance to isolate her (like in a back room behind the bar) gab her and passionately kiss her, escalate there and then and/or organize a date.

There's other guys working there who she flirts and laughs with more verbally, but doesn't interact physically.

Those guys have been friend zoned because they didn't do anything earlier about her attraction for them.

I don't want to mess up and cause drama in my new workplace. Thoughts?

Some guys will say "don't do it", others will say "go for it with caution", only you know if it's a good idea or not bassed on your situation and how much your job means to you.

 

[Adventman]

That's a great assesmen,. Cheers GoodVibes! I thought I should have pointed out the touching but I was trying to play it a little too cool. Think I might have missed my chance now but I'll explore and let you know how it goes. Thanks!

 

[Franco]

Adventman,

I'd approach with some caution here for a couple of reasons.

Last night we were both on the bar and she was putting her hand on me every time she went past, even if there was room to get by. At one point she was unnecessarily pressed up against my back and had her hands on my shoulders for about a minute while she took an order. There's other guys working there who she flirts and laughs with more verbally, but doesn't interact physically.

I can't remember the last bar or club I went to where the male and female bartenders weren't laughing and being touchy-feely with each other. Bartenders are usually very attractive (both male and female) and are used to flirting all day/night with customers, so they become accustomed to it. Since you work in such close proximity with them, the females often tend to like to touch and laugh with the male ones. Often this is all in good fun.

Now, under some circumstances, a female bartender might actually be interested in you. If you want to, you can attempt to feel out the situation more, but...

On the other hand, I don't want to mess up and cause drama in my new workplace.

...if it's a new job for you, I would first think about whether or not you want to proceed. If you're socially savvy, you might be able to swing things in your favor.

But, there are usually plenty of attractive female women who frequent bars and flirt with the bartenders. You have nothing to lose with getting their phone numbers and pursuing them.

- Franco

 

[mountaingoat]

While workplaces have been the leading source of long term partnerships and marriages, when you are just starting out, it can be very awkward. I would suggest holding off a bit, maybe testing the waters like Franco said, but they also might be trying to break you in. I remember when I started at my job a year ago, things were very awkward, I was the new fish and treated accordingly. I went through a lot of what might be called hazing, but it toughened me up. A few months into the job, things started to click together, and I was accepted. Youll know when it happens and then you will feel more comfortable making any moves.

Relationships at work can be awkward...or very fruitful. There is always a lot of gossip flying around and drama. I have seen lots of it, and shamefully contributed a bit (but not too much) to it. On the other hand, many times it does work out.

I would wait, but thats just me. I tend to be more cautious and deliberative.

 

[Adventman]

Thanks for the advice guys, really appreciated.