Girl comes over while I'm changing the wheels on my car.

[RCIRL]

Hey all. I've been reading articles on the site for a while now, it's a great site! I've decided to finally come over because I've got a question to ask.

Last weekend I was busy minding my own business when this girl come's over while I was changing wheels on my mustang. We both share the same parking building so I guess she saw me when she was parking her car, a few spots from mine. Anyway she came over and asked what I was doing, I told her and she said she liked my car, had seen it here and wondered who's it was, she went onto say her uncle had one.

Anyway, we continued to talk. I was busy changing while she stood and watched. I was waiting for the moment when she'd leave but she never did so I told her to sit in the car while I finished up. We continued to talk some more, she seem's comfortable around me and we had some great interaction. So I finish up and ask did she want to drive it home, she just lives a two blocks away. She got in and when I got in she handed me a wet wipe to clean my hands. We ended up outside her apartment. We talked some more then she asked for my number. I gave it to her and she sent me a message so that I would have hers. We made no plans, wished each other a good night then she headed into her building.

A few day's later I decided to send a quick message to say hello and joke about something we spoke about that night. I got a reply soon after where she said Hey u! bla bla etc etc It was cool, good to meet you. How is you're week going so far?

I messaged her back letting her know I had something exciting going on work wise and returned the question. I got no reply.

This girl was cool and I liked the fact she came over so I'd like to get to know her more but not 100% sure where to go from here. I'm thinking of waiting it out until she initiate's contact but if nothing happens maybe send her another message end of next week, ask to see her.

What do you guy's think?

Thanks in advance!

 

[Marty]

Men doing physical stuff drives girls nuts. I saw a fellow removing a tree today and a lady runner was smiling, waving, the works to get his attention

 

[Michelangelo]

Hey RCIRL,

Now I'm not the most experienced member on the boards, but I think I could give you some advice!

First the good:
She came over to you and stayed around for a while. You definitely caught her attention in a good way. There is something amazing about working on a car that just pulls in girls like a magnet! Then she asked for your number.

Now those are all good... but you didn't capitalize on the windows she was giving you! And now she probably thinks she may have misjudged you. She won't always do all the work for you. You have to get the balls and pounce on the opportunity!
She probably has gone into auto rejection and thinks you don't like her because you didn't do your part!
When she asked you how you're doing over text, you should have answered her and then immediately suggested a meet up to grab a drink or a quick bite to eat someplace by your house. She would have been elated and have likely agreed.
Now, I would suggest not texting her. She initiated before, she will try again because the ball is in her court to reply to your text. If you text her it shows her that you're too needy not to let her go. Just remember that you're a man with many options that doesn't chase a girl, especially throught text. She will either text you again in about a week saying she was busy, bla, bla, bla.
Or because you share the same parking lot, you'll probably run into her again. Just remember if she texts back, say that you'd like to grab a bite to eat or something and talk in person. Or if she sees you working on your car again, after you're done working say that you're hungry and would like her to join you! You can suggest a place nearby, or if your bold suggest her to come up to your place. Then see where it goes from there!

Good luck!
Michelangelo

 

[RCIRL]

Hey, thanks to you both. You could be right in a way, she may have been hoping for me to ask her out over that interaction. I thought it was to soon but maybe I was wrong. After a bit of thought I said screw it! No point in guessing and wondering so I asked her out.

Fri eve I messaged her letting her know I was going for a spin on Sunday, that she should come. I told her I'd call early in the day to let her know the details.
She messaged me right back saying it sounded good but she's got a wedding to go to on Saturday. I figure she was under the impression I was going early Sunday so she mentioned if she can wake up early enough it's a plan.

I replied saying that's no problem and told her I was away for the weekend so it will be mid afternoon Sunday. Which is the truth. I said we'll see how it goes and I'll give her a call to let her know. Ended by telling her to enjoy the wedding / weekend etc and she replied back saying enjoy your's to. I left it at that.

I believe she's genuine so we'll see how it goes, should she not make it I guess a counter offer would be a good sign, failing that I will proceed with caution!

Thank's again!

 

[RCIRL]

Yea so I've been stood up! I called her today around lunch time to let her know the plan like I said I would, no answer. I messaged her soon after to let her know I had a late start, that I was picking up a few grocery's and heading home then I was going for the spin around 5pm. At the end of the message I mentioned if she couldn't make it that was cool, we'd do something another time.

I felt it was best to let her know I wasn't upset about it, which is true. I've no intention of asking for another meet I believe that's up to her! What a strange situation though because she's the one who asked for my number! It's almost 11pm and still nothing from her.

 

[Casanovelis]

Anyway, we continued to talk. I was busy changing while she stood and watched. I was waiting for the moment when she'd leave but she never did so I told her to sit in the car while I finished up. We continued to talk some more, she seem's comfortable around me and we had some great interaction. So I finish up and ask did she want to drive it home, she just lives a two blocks away. She got in and when I got in she handed me a wet wipe to clean my hands. We ended up outside her apartment. We talked some more then she asked for my number. I gave it to her and she sent me a message so that I would have hers.

We made no plans, wished each other a good night then she headed into her building.

There is where I believe that you went wrong.

You should have asked her what she was doing that night and tried to set up an insta-date. Getting her number should have been a secondary concern.

Something along the lines of:

You: "Man I am hungry after working working on my car, glad I got the wheels on so I can go get something, care to join me?"
or
You: "So what is on the agenda for the rest of the evening?"
Her: "Oh nothing, probably going to stay inside and watch TV.. etc etc"
You: "Well I was thinking about getting to movie to watch and chill if you would like to join."

There is a shit load of LRs around here that start with meeting up to watch a movie.

Yea so I've been stood up! I called her today around lunch time to let her know the plan like I said I would, no answer. I messaged her soon after to let her know I had a late start, that I was picking up a few grocery's and heading home then I was going for the spin around 5pm. At the end of the message I mentioned if she couldn't make it that was cool, we'd do something another time.

I felt it was best to let her know I wasn't upset about it, which is true. I've no intention of asking for another meet I believe that's up to her! What a strange situation though because she's the one who asked for my number! It's almost 11pm and still nothing from her.

It is not really a strange situation.
You A) Failed to set up an insta date when she came over to you.
and B) Set up a less than concrete date after (Was your second chance)

Women don't want to have to deal with anything trivial or something that they are going to have to think about. When you set up a date make sure that she is for sure free (she wasn't sure what time frame she would be free in) and there is a set time.

 

[RCIRL]

Hey cheers man but I doubt she's that anal about things. If she is being this anal then I'm better off without her. I think I handled it well and it's nothing to do with me personally just not the best time. Hitting her up so soon to me comes across as desperate. When I dropped her off the 1st night we met it was past 2300 on a Sunday and I had work in the morning so it made sence to leave. The 2nd date was concrete enough, she got 3 days notice I told her I'd call in the morning. She did let me know about the wedding so I was prepared for a no show. My concern is the fact she hasn't contacted me and that's tuned me off her so it's all good!

 

[Michelangelo]

At the end of the message I mentioned if she couldn't make it that was cool, we'd do something another time.

It's definitely best not to make a big deal about her flaking. But you shouldn't have added the last part about "another time". It implies that it is a big deal to you and that you are subtlety forcing her into another date. I believe it said in Chase's article about dealing with flakes https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-when-girls-flake
not to try and set up another date (or even just implying one!) after she flakes. The only thing that you should have said was that everything was cool and left it at that. Then the ball would have been in her court again.

I say that you should move on for now unless she makes the effort to reconnect. It might be too much of an uphill battle after the bad precedent that has been set and any more initiation by you will just be chasing and dig you further into the ground.
Just remember next time that there isn't always a next time! You should always be going for an insta-date then or setting up a concrete date later. If you can't just send a text like "Hey girl's name, are we on for tonight?" On the day of the date and not have her confused about where, when, or if she even wants to go, and not have her send back almost instantly "Of course! =)" then you didn't set up the date smoothly enough! Any reservations that she may have will lead to her flaking on you!

Good luck!
Michelangelo

 

[RCIRL]

Hey thanks man. I thought everything seemed clear and I made it easy for her. I asked her two days in advance. Called early on the day to set the time for later. I didn't go chasing this girl she came to me and the date I had planned was something I was going to do regardless. I deleted her number to save myself further embarrassment. Half way though the following day and still no word from her.

 

[RCIRL]

Alright guys, what do you make of this?

I had another interaction with this girl, long story short during this week I asked what she was doing for dinner via message. After a few hours I got a txt back saying she couldn't make it and was supposed to go pick up some stuff and that she thought her tire was flat when she got home on Sun. This was the Sunday she was supposed to meet me so I guess she threw that in to cover up her no show. Anyhow my gut told me these were all just lame excuses.

With nothing to loose I flat out told her I wasn't trying to get into her pants and that I'm not in any hurry to be in a relationship and that I could do with a few more mates (I'm new in this town) and that if she was up for it that's cool. I let her know I was going to work on my car, I'd check her tires and if she was free to drop over.

Straight away I get a reply back saying OMG! I wasn't thinking that, it's just been a super busy week! She mentioned that her parents were going to pick up the stuff and that she'd come over.

So she come's over while I'm working on my car, dressed up to go to the gym. We talk for a while, I finish up and told her to hop in while we go for a spin.

We ended up at a mall and stopped for coffee in the car. We had a good conversation and she opened up a few emotional things. She took out her phone and showed me some photos of the wedding she went to, she was all dressed up. She was beside a dude on her screen saver and she said it wasn't her boyfriend but her cousin. She offered to let me use her condo locker to store some things and kinda joked about how us hanging out in the mall lot reminded her of when she was younger, mentioned we could hang out there during the summer. She said her sister messaged her wondering where she was (she was supposed to go to the gym with her) she said her sister can wait. So all in all seemed like a cool meet up. We finished up and said our goodbyes, both agreeing to talk during the week.

I messaged her two days later asking how she was, included I was going out with a few mates and that she should come. I got no reply.

Any thoughts welcome!

 

[Michelangelo]

With nothing to loose I flat out told her I wasn't trying to get into her pants and that I'm not in any hurry to be in a relationship and that I could do with a few more mates (I'm new in this town) and that if she was up for it that's cool. I let her know I was going to work on my car, I'd check her tires and if she was free to drop over.

Quick question: Aren't you trying to get in her pants? If so, then you have shot yourself in the foot by saying that that's not what you're interested in or that you could just do with more mates or friends. Because she will take you for your word and place you into the friend zone.

Never hide your intentions from a girl by putting on the friend costume, hoping that eventually you can take it off and become more. She will gladly take you as a new friend and then try her best to keep it that way. (After all, that's what you told her you wanted!) If you try to take off that costume, it will only become awkward as that's not how she sees you.

Also, as a general rule, never invite a girl to hang out with your friends before you've become intimate. Hanging out with your friends is what friends do... not lovers!

The only advice I can give you is to go out and meet more girls and not focus on this one as much. But, if you do get her out again, you have to do your job and do something. Otherwise be banished to the friend zone for all eternity!

Good luck
Michelangelo

 

[RCIRL]

Hey cheers I really appreciate your input! This maybe the wrong thing to do but I've decided to change my mindset and no longer be the one who's being tested. I'm now going to test this girl along with any who appear in the future.

Right now I'm not interested in having a relationship with this girl because I don't know anything about her so what I told her is true. I've ended my last 3 relationships after seeing much later on what their true colors were so I'm not about to rush down that path again. I'm ok with being stuck in her friend zone, I see it as her loss and it's not a bad thing because she could open up even more options for me.

I know its wrong to ask her out with friends but that was my test to see how'd she'd interact in my surroundings.

Anyhow, I met her in the elevator. She's defo got some issues on her plate. She explained how she stayed home the entire weekend after some disappointing news in work. I get the feeling she's shy. She asked me did I smoke, which surprised me. I told her I did and it was funny she mentioned it because me and a friend were just talking about kicking them, she then said she smoked and apologized for it.

Last time we met up she was talking about this area that's got great restaurants, I felt she was hinting at something so I made sure to bring that up and told her I'd like to check it out one eve this week, told her my eves are good except tues / thurs and to get back to me soon as you know your free.

I'll leave it at that for now!

 

[Marty]

Quick question: Aren't you trying to get in her pants? If so, then you have shot yourself in the foot by saying that that's not what you're interested in or that you could just do with more mates or friends. Because she will take you for your word and place you into the friend zone.

Never hide your intentions from a girl by putting on the friend costume, hoping that eventually you can take it off and become more. She will gladly take you as a new friend and then try her best to keep it that way. (After all, that's what you told her you wanted!) If you try to take off that costume, it will only become awkward as that's not how she sees you.

Also, as a general rule, never invite a girl to hang out with your friends before you've become intimate. Hanging out with your friends is what friends do... not lovers!

Agree 100% with Michelangelo's sentiments here.

 

[RCIRL]

Hello all. I've got an update for anyone who's interested.

After our last interactions I've kept quiet until she messaged me saying she was being kicked out of her parking spot. After a bit of banter I hooked her up with some parking permits so she could use the visitor parking to buy her time until she found a new one to rent.

She messaged me saying thanks and that we need to hang out, asked me what I was doing the following day. A couple of hours later I messaged her back saying I was around that evening and asked what was she thinking, I got no reply.

So a few days later it turned out I needed her help to store my winter tires in her locker. I asked her to come over to my place to talk about it and she did. She came over, we ate, drank some wine and chilled on the sofa for a while chatting.

She seemed comfortable in my space. She had her hair in a pony tail, caught her a few times kinda stroking it while talking to me. She went through some pictures on her phone of her on nights out, playing golf and some of her family. She showed me another of surgery on her leg, the scar and told me how the surgery upset her. She also showed me some photos of her apartment. So it seems she was kinda opening up. We both went out for a smoke, it was cold so I gave her my coat. When she put it on I playfully zipped it up for her, which was a struggle to do but she seemed to enjoy me doing it for her.

3 hrs later it was time for her to leave and we walked to the door. I reached out to open the door, it may have seemed like I was going to hug her so she opened her arms and I gave her a hug before letting her out the door.

I'm due to see her tomorrow night to store the tires in her locker. It's possible she's going to give me the tour of her place.

Thoughts and ideas welcome!

 

[lao che]

how old are you, brother?

seems you're being far too gentlemanly in all this. you missed every window and friendzoned yourself more than once. pretty much every comment on your post has been spot on.
now she has a new buddy who's good with cars and can help her out in a pinch. that wasn't what she wanted, but that's what you gave her.