Calls & Texts Girl Counter-offers a date plan

[Skippy]

I'm in the process of trying to schedule a date with this girl I cold approached last month, her name is hbinterior.

Spoiler: Interactions with her so far and background info

The Approach: She hooked immediately. I started by assuming she was Korean, (which was true) but we never exchanged names while walking. Convo was basic, and not too exciting. She asked me where I was from and I had her guess. She had no idea so I offered her 3 guesses but she had no clue. A better idea is to narrow down their choices so have them guess the State or region first. Turns out she's from [redacted] and since I'm from [redacted] there's some bantering that I did with that. Her coffee shop turns up suddenly and she has to leave. And here's where I dropped the ball (I'll explain what I should've done afterward). Since it was a short interaction, I thought I'd number close and suggest we call sometime. She counters with instagram and I say how I don't do instagram b/c I'm busy with school these days.

Her: ohh sorry, no than-
Me: -do you do Kakaotalk?
Her: do YOU have Kakaotalk!?

I tell her how I used to have Korean roommates. And she's intrigued again. I add her on kakaotalk and ask her what times are good(in order to trigger some commitment consistency. But I should've proposed an actual time). I suggest I call her sometime to get to know each other better. she says "yea just text me". I sent her an ice breaker later and she replied very quickly.

Then I called her the next day:
We talked on the phone for about 40 minutes. I thought this was a good length. Maybe I should've shortened to about 30 min. We talked about a variety of topics like happiness, immigration stuff(since she's on an h1b—I get it's probably not the best topic but in her case she's not stressed about it because she has a job and has a few years on her h1b still) Some mild banter where I teased her that she probably tells her mom all about the boys she has a crush on.

I qualified her on being adventurous and set some more frames around that, for example how when you're traveling you can reinvent yourself and how no one knows who you are in the new country. Standard stuff, tbh. I was the one talking more, although she would pick it up occasionally. I asked her the golden question and learned that she's a coffee aficionado. She describes it as she drinks coffee the same way people smoke cigarettes. I relate to her by saying that's how I feel about lavender tea. Also, when we were talking about happiness, I explained to her the concept of flow and asked her if she's experienced that and she said she does with her interior design job because it's stressful but she absolutely loves it. I relate to her with how I feel about math and that it's enjoyable when I'm tapping into that flow state.

She's been warm over text, but last time I tried to schedule a date, she agreed but then didn't reply when I tried to figure out the time. Now that I'm back home for a few days, I tried to set something up again and got hit with a curveball

Her: For Thanksgiving, my boss invited me and some coworkers to his house for party. what about you?
Me: Yep, that's usually what people do on thanksgiving, and then they get coffee with cute guys the days after (soft close)
Me: I'm visiting my parents next week, so I'm just chilling for Thanksgiving.
Her: Coffee with cute guys
Her: and where they live
Me: In the area
Me: Have you ever been to [coffee shop]?
Her: You mean [coffee shop]?...I know it!
Me: Yea that's the one. what's your schedule like these next few days? we should go there sometime
Her: Um would like to go hiking

Any ideas on how to decline her counteroffer without sending her into autorejection? I don't really like hiking and it's not going to be as convenient as a coffee that's a 5 min walk to my apartment (and super close to her workplace). If she had suggested something like a movie or a party I could decline by saying that we won't get to talk much and that I really just want to get to know her, but with a hike that's not the case and there's plenty of opportunities to talk.

 

[Glow]

yeah? Im sure you and your friends will have fun doing that

Just playfully decline w a lil punch and continue.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

I don't really like hiking and it's not going to be as convenient as a coffee that's a 5 min walk to my apartment

Honestly, I think's way harder to grab coffee and transition to your apartment, but you do you.

Hiking equals talking, and then you can transition that into a meal, a drink, and then back to your place. She might think she's creating some sort of defensive barrier (that's usually what hiking is), but she'd be playing into my hands. To roll with WIA is to love him!

That said, you need to get off the text messaging, and into a phone call. The phone call will expand your options, increase cooperation, and add color to the communication.

Once you get into the phone call, you want to explore why she likes hiking. Not because you give a fuck, but because you can spark her emotions and thus increase her desire to see you.

Right now, you're chasing her, and she's somewhat allowing you to catch her. But SHE has all the power in this situation.
The power balance won't shift until you bang her. So dismiss any notion of "giving your power away" because you don't have any. If you had the power, she'd agree to whatever you suggest.

If you're concerned about setting some sort of 50/50 power sharing, then she's already shown her cards here, and you'll need to bang her and then put her on your program. You will need to work in order for her to take your lead in the future. She's making you earn it. And more often than not, you'll have to establish it, and make her submit. That's up to you.

Not that you mentioned any of this, but all of this stuff is typical when rookies bristle at the first date.

WIA

 

[Skjöldr]

Cool you have a coffee place so close to yours, personally i'm the exact opposite of you, i prefer hiking over having coffee, but that's because there are good places to hike in my neighbourhood, but no place to get coffee, it is sort of suburban, 10 minutes from city centre in car. But yeah, when a girl counter-offers with something that's gonna hurt and not help the seduction, decline.

What @Glow said is good stuff, you could also tell her "Perhaps another time then ", where you decline but also pull back your offer. Because maybe she would like to go hiking now and not get coffee, but would like coffee some other time. Whenever girls says some variant of "maybe" i tell them "It seems like a bad time for you, perhaps another time " and then re-engage sometime next week or week after. Probably dead by then but whatever

 

[Skjöldr]

Honestly, I think's way harder to grab coffee and transition to your apartment, but you do you.

Hiking equals talking, and then you can transition that into a meal, a drink, and then back to your place. She might think she's creating some sort of defensive barrier (that's usually what hiking is), but she'd be playing into my hands. To roll with WIA is to love him!

That said, you need to get off the text messaging, and into a phone call. The phone call will expand your options, increase cooperation, and add color to the communication.

Once you get into the phone call, you want to explore why she likes hiking. Not because you give a fuck, but because you can spark her emotions and thus increase her desire to see you.

Right now, you're chasing her, and she's somewhat allowing you to catch her. But SHE has all the power in this situation.
The power balance won't shift until you bang her. So dismiss any notion of "giving your power away" because you don't have any. If you had the power, she'd agree to whatever you suggest.

If you're concerned about setting some sort of 50/50 power sharing, then she's already shown her cards here, and you'll need to bang her and then put her on your program. You will need to work in order for her to take your lead in the future. She's making you earn it. And more often than not, you'll have to establish it, and make her submit. That's up to you.

Not that you mentioned any of this, but all of this stuff is typical when rookies bristle at the first date.

WIA

Agreed, i like to meet girls somewhere at a park and then i just keep us on our feet, maybe sit down at a bench at some point and then walk on, point is to train her to follow your lead saying "This way", "Over here", "We have to cross the road here" etc. so when you say some plausibly deniable variant of "Hey let's go to my place" it's natural for her to just follow you along

 

[Chase]

Nice replies from the guys in this thread.

@Skippy, I'll just focus here on what you're after and how to reply.

So we've got:

Me: Yea that's the one. what's your schedule like these next few days? we should go there sometime
Her: Um would like to go hiking

The question is... do you want to go hiking?

Or not?

I guess it's a personality thing. I'm not super outdoorsy and am lazy enough that I just want girls to come somewhere I can relax, flirt with them a bit, then take them upstairs. So I'm going to reframe the hiking offer and try to get her out to coffee.

Thus, if it's me, it's going to play out like this:

You: Yea that's the one. what's your schedule like these next few days? we should go there sometime​

Her: Um would like to go hiking​

You: OMG lol, no.. exercise! Tell you what, come to coffee and I will take you hiking next time. I promise.​

Then ideally you will shag her on this date and after that it is just her coming over for sex and she forgets all about this hiking idea.

And hopefully you don't end up in an LTR with her complaining about how you never want to go for walks or hiking or anything (ask me how I know about this...).

OTOH, if you're okay with hiking, you can respond like so:

You: Yea that's the one. what's your schedule like these next few days? we should go there sometime​

Her: Um would like to go hiking​

You: Hmm... all right. I accept your counteroffer. However, you're in charge of the trail mix and other nourishment. Seems like you're more experienced in this department than I am.​

Accept + give her a simple task to complete, and justification for why the task is hers.

After that, no matter which of these you pick, you should be good to go.

Chase

 

[Velasco]

You: OMG lol, no.. exercise! Tell you what, come to coffee and I will take you hiking next time. I promise.

i would rather agree with her (ok yeah that sounds good) with the condition that she meet me for coffee first at the coffee shop after she gets off work (lets meet up at X coffee shop first for a cup of coffee to get high on our drug of choice )

I asked her the golden question and learned that she's a coffee aficionado. She describes it as she drinks coffee the same way people smoke cigarettes. I relate to her by saying that's how I feel about lavender tea.

then obvi sit down and sexually arouse her

and have an excuse to go back to your apartment (mayb you "forgot" something at your place that is important for the hiking) then bang her. No hiking dates.

You: Yea that's the one. what's your schedule like these next few days? we should go there sometime
Her: Um would like to go hiking
You: Hmm... all right. I accept your counteroffer. However, you're in charge of the trail mix and other nourishment. Seems like you're more experienced in this department than I am.

Too intellectual for an "um would like to go hiking" girl. but ya first one would be my choice

 

[Skippy]

Hey guys! Thanks for all the tips and suggestions! I thought about it some more and realized texting with her was unpredictable(she's not a big texter, and her English is sometimes unclear because she's from Korea) so it made sense to get her on a call and increase her desire to see me, as WIA was saying.

I called her and it turns out that she was already out hiking on her own! So I didn't need to convince her out of it or try to change her mind. She wouldn't want to go hiking if she had already just done it. So then just we chatted a little bit about our weekends, I mentioned that I had been doing a lot of cardio lately and it would be nice to just relax, and I asked her what she liked about hiking. Then we set up the coffee date for Monday after she gets off work.

 

[Chase]

Too intellectual for an "um would like to go hiking" girl. but ya first one would be my choice

Actually I agree.

On rereading the whole message thread she is doing nothing but short, basic answers. What I wrote in that second respone is too long for her.

Thus why you've got to read the whole message thread and not just dash off a quick response based on a single text example

Hey guys! Thanks for all the tips and suggestions! I thought about it some more and realized texting with her was unpredictable(she's not a big texter, and her English is sometimes unclear because she's from Korea) so it made sense to get her on a call and increase her desire to see me, as WIA was saying.

I called her and it turns out that she was already out hiking on her own! So I didn't need to convince her out of it or try to change her mind. She wouldn't want to go hiking if she had already just done it. So then just we chatted a little bit about our weekends, I mentioned that I had been doing a lot of cardio lately and it would be nice to just relax, and I asked her what she liked about hiking. Then we set up the coffee date for Monday after she gets off work.

Good read and well done, @Skippy!