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girl has become distant...

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
What's up guys, I haven't posted in a while. I've got a girl that seems to be slowly ghosting me... one that i wanted to pursue something more with and wasn't afraid to show it.

background:

I met her on Tinder. We had our first date back in the last week of September(on a Monday). I ended up bringing her home... she was on period so we didn't fuck and just ended up licking her clit for a while and then she gave me a blowjob and swallowed it down. Besides the sexual stuff, the date went well.

She leaves for a 2 week trip to China with her mom the upcoming weekend. We agree to meetup again on Thursday... 3 days after out initial meet. However, she has to be up early for the flight the next day so we decided to do happy hour and food. Again, this went well, great convo, overall good time. As we leave the place and head back to her vehicle, she grabs my hand to hold it. So we are holding hands and walking back to her car. At this point its still only like 7. I make push to have her come back to my place for a little bit... but she resists and says she needs to be up early for the flight. I don't push it too hard... i know thats the truth. We end up kissing for a little bit and then say our farewells. She sends me a pleasant text when she gets home saying she had a good time, etc.

So while she is in China, we talk almost everyday... its usually her messaging me when she wakes up in the AM... we exchange some texts... mostly light stuff about what shes doing or did the previous day, etc. Flirting also ensues. There is a concert coming up a few days after she gets back from the trip and I ask her if she wants to go... she agrees.

Fast-forward to when shes back. She ends up not going to the concert with me that Tuesday because she still feels jet lagged and doesn't think she'd be much fun to be around. She got back around 7 pm on Sunday and stayed home on Monday to catch up on sleep, etc. I played it cool and said it's all good... didn't really give her shit even though i was kinda mad. She even venmo'd me the cost of the ticket which I didnt ask... she just found me and did it.

So this is where it starts to be different. I didn't talk with her again from Tues evening when she said she couldn't go to the concert until I eventually messaged her Thursday night. At this point I knew something was up... because at the very least I thought she would ask me about the concert. Is this needy? maybe. Honestly we were talking for a while so it didnt seem unnatural to think she would, but she didn't. I texted her Thursday evening asking her how shes doing with the jet lag. She responds over an hour later and says she just woke up from a nap so she definitely still feels jet lagged but getting a little better.

Now... She got back home on Sunday... and its now 4 days later. I'm not sure jet lag last that long. But whatever... I play it cool say sorry and then tell her I've been thinking about her and would like to see her soon. I also mention that concert was fun and that she was missed. Beta thing to do? Again, maybe, but it was a warm response.

She never responded to that.

So here it is Saturday and I'm really coming to terms with the fact that she is done with me. I plan on blasting her a text tomorrow seeing what's up and basically questioning why she has been distant and if she doesn't want to see me again that is cool but just tell me. Sign of neediness or lower self-esteem? Again maybe, but I've been talking with this girl for a month now total... and there was expectations to see each other when she was back... so honestly I don't care how it appears and I'm also gonna say it in a non-threatening way. So either she will respond or not. Either way I'll get my answer.

Text will be something like:
Hi X, you've been pretty distant since getting back... and it has me confused honestly. If you don't plan on seeing me again you can just tell me, it's fine. That's the feeling I'm getting at this point

Keypoints:
Met girl 2 times before her trip to China for two weeks.
talked with her almost everyday she was there... just a few text exchanges while she was on WIFI before taking off for the day.
While she is there, I ask her to go to a concert with me. She agrees.
When she is back, she ends up bailing on the concert, blames it on jet lag, still tired.
Basically goes cold on me after this. I end up texting her a few days later and she initially responds then leaves me hanging when I say I wanna see her soon.


From the start, I didn't really care that I was coming off as boyfriend material... because I still move fast regardless and had her back at my place. Her period messed it up or we would have had sex. But instead it was just licking her clit, making out, licking her boobs, and her giving me a blowjob.

What do you guys think? Lost cause to send the confrontational text to basically see what's up or just let it go...
Personally, I will probably still send a text tomorrow.

And yeah... start meeting more girls :)

Thanks.
 

WayOfHand

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 12, 2015
Messages
98
Yeah should have toned it waayyy down during her trip. You were her message buddy.

I plan on blasting her a text tomorrow seeing what's up and basically questioning why she has been distant and if she doesn't want to see me again that is cool but just tell me.

Take it easy and think about this one for a while:
1. She answers that she doesn't want to see you (How does this differ from the current situation. Dont kid yourself)
2. She will suddenly want to see you even though she previously didn't (Do you really think this emotional pour makes her knees weak? Dont kid yourself once again)

-> Solution: Dont message her. If she likes you, she will contact you. You went way too emotional with her without getting intimate.
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
How did I go to emotional? I wasn't her text buddy, we would text back and forth briefly when she woke up, no other time of day. And she initiated all convos on trip. Like I said, they were mainly light topics with a little flirting. I wasn't trying to be her text buddy.

Also, i guess you are right. Sending the text won't solve it... but I was hoping for closure... not her texting me a week or two from now because honestly she will be nexted by then. So I mean to send the text for that purpose of peace of mind.
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Hey mindful,

I've been dealing with the jetlag for 8 hours time difference, it scrambled me up for about a week. That was in my late twenties.

Do you really need closure? With your text, you will force her to make up her mind and put it up in the open. It's a no turning back kind of things. And also a needy thing to do. The alternative is just stop texting her. Full silence. You just live your life, see other girls, and forget about her. And who knows, you may have the surprise of seeing her back later on. If she liked you, it can happen. With your text, things will be closed likely for good.

Think about it.
Cheers,
Seppuku
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Thanks for the replies.

Yeah, I have decided not to send the text. Just weird shit man... sometimes you never really know.

Thank you for the insight on the jet lag. Maybe she wasn't lying then and I just don't really know what it's like to have it. Still... would think she would have texted me by now... I'll see how it plays out I guess if she texts me or not.

I have a date lined up for this week... so I'm continuing to move forward and meet new girls :)
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Hey,

remember, there is one sure thing. If she likes you, she will be back. If she doesn't, you're better off with another girl ;-)

Good luck with the new date :)

Seppuku
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Seppuku said:
Hey,

remember, there is one sure thing. If she likes you, she will be back. If she doesn't, you're better off with another girl ;-)

Good luck with the new date :)

Seppuku


That is the truth man. Just a little stung by it since it was a complete 180 on her part.
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
You were a little too available I think while she was away.

Just a little trick to know for next time: learn to be scarce. Even after first time to bed. Even if you're already in relationship. She wants to chat you, good, so you chat her sometimes, and ignore her chat requests some other times. Some other times, you leave her last text message hanging unanswered. You're available 70% of the time, and 30% of the time you leave her wondering where you are and what you are doing.

She's hungry for attention, you feed her just enough so as to keep her around, but never enough that she's fully satisfied. Chasing 101 ;-)

Seppuku
PS. Again, for now, you just disappear. You might have a good surprise after a couple days, or couple weeks.
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Thank you man. I will leave it as is. Glad I posted this to calm me down and have you guys reinforce what I already knew.
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
So the girl I went on a date with I sent her a text earlier to see when she is free again. She said she what's to meet up tonight. Honestly didn't expect her to say that. Our first date was Tuesday and I didn't close... just a make out session. I am playing pool with my buddy until like 8ish tonight. What should I setup with this girl? Have her come to my apt or get a quick drink then bounce her back to my apt? She seemed thirsty when we made out. I don't tend to get second dates much as i usually close on the first. So not sure how to play this.

Thanks!
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
The safer bet is probably to take her for a quick drink before bringing home.

Good feelings are versatile, you cannot necessarily count on the good emotions she had when you met her last. It's your job to meet her, restore a good vibe first, then bring home.

Seppuku
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Thanks! That's exactly what I did... and ended up with a great lay :)
 
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