Girl in autoreject being awkward and trying to set chase frames


Jan 14, 2019
So I'm trying to learn what I can from this series of encounters, and also work out what to do if I do see her again. She is heavily in autoreject, but on the positive side I've learned a lot about the importance of moving fast, taking approach invitations, but also realizing I'm not sure how to handle odd and awkward behaviour from girls.

1) So when I first met her I was talking to her friend and she kept playing with her phone and giggling, I didn't bother as she was behind her phone. A couple of other times I saw her she always went straight to playing with her phone whenever she saw me, so I continued not to bother and talked to people who were more present instead - but now I realize this was a mistake on my part.
2) A couple of weeks later we both made eye contact with each other and I could see an obvious flash of anger on her face - I realized she had autorejected hard
3) A couple of months later I realized she was doing physical surveilence, appearing in places I'd likely be at, but she was always with a group of friends, so I didn't bother. I realize this is an issue with me not being sure how to open groups especially as she always hides behind her phone when I show up - making it harder for me to preopen and open without setting a chase frame, and me preferring 1:1, something I should probably work on.
4) Whenever she would pass buy I'd say hi and put my hand on her shoulder or something, and I'd get huge positive emotional reaction, she would just start laughing etc - but her boyfriend was often around so I didn't see how I could possibly isolate or get to know her.

We broke for summer. Then the games and other odd behaviour begin:
5) I made a big mistake - I made no effort to talk to her when she was around and then messaged her afterwards saying I was looking forward to talking to her, but that I didn't catch her, and asked if she was still even around - then I dropped my plans for the next few weeks. No reply.
6) I noticed at this point her behaviour has changed - when I'm around she surveils me in her peripheral vision and makes sure not to make eye contact first - kind of setting a chase frame as elite eye contact speaks of the importance of them making eye contact first.
7) I''d occasionally open her when I saw her and make small talk, when I saw her but her reaction was largely neutral - I would cut the conversation short and move on to talk to other people - perhaps I should have been more persistent, not sure.
8) I very rarely see her in person, but I had her on messenger and I tried to occasionally make banter, I made sure my messages were short and not too much effort but she didn't respond - she was obviously reading it but a read receipt wouldn't show up for several months, which I think was due to her opening the message by mistake without going offline first
9) A couple of weeks later I'd ping her again to see if I got a response, but she had put me on ignore so it looks like your message is not delivered even if they are being delivered and read.
10) She would occasionally appear in front of me, always with her back to me - I took this as an invitation opener but at the same time an attempt to set a chase frame where I have to open from behind and make eye contact first etc - and I had no idea how to handle it. She would be a bit awkward and end the conversation early so I made sure not to chase and leave it - perhaps I should have been persistent?
11) I'm not sure what I did here, possibly I made her jealous, but now when she sees me there is an intense emotional reaction - as soon as she looks at me she turns her whole body away angrily - I made sure not to react or chase her down and ask what's wrong (needy and we have barely talked at this point so I think it would have been a mistake)
12) She appears in front of me in the queue at a social event - I try to say hello and I get no reply, I think that perhaps it's because it was loud - so I put my hand on her shoulder and say hi, she does not react at all. I was quite drunk here so I made the mistake of trying to say hello to her 5 more times in the queue and then trying to find her afterwards to say hello - she would once again pretend she couldn't see or hear me and her friend came up to me to intervene and tell me that "she's ok" - big mistake on my part.

At this point I wasn't sure if to treat this girl's behaviour as purposely awkward behaviour (in which case ignore her and win over others in the group) or to persist and try to build comfort as another article says that rude behaviour means is an attainability issue and so you need to be less challenging and friendlier - which is hard if she won't even say hello. Whenever I did see her she wouldn't even make eye contact so I didn't bother and just spoke to other people.

13) She then responds to me on messenger and instantly deletes it (several months after I last messaged her banter before realizing I was on ignore), she had hit the reaction button by mistake. She was reading the messages at 10pm and accidentally hit the button - so she was either just surveilling me to see when I was last online or she was just reading the messages.

14) I leave it a week and as I very rarely see her in person (and she won't speak to me in person) I try to smooth things over by sending one more message on messenger basically saying that if I've had a negative effect on her it wasn't what I wanted and I'd have wanted her to say something, and best of luck if we don't meet again - no reply and I realized that she had gone through the effort of putting me back on ignore after deleting her previous message.

15) She appears in front of me at an event - given how she reacted at 13) I didn't engage and left it - I'm not sure if approach invitations from this girl are bait or genuine at this point and I don't want to let her eat away at my social value by allowing her public rejections

16) She keeps appearing near the top of my suggested friends list on facebook for the next few weeks, so I think she is facebook stalking. The intensity of this has dropped when we broke for summer, but she still occasionally appears when she wouldn't if she wasn't still checking.

If I see her again after summer, I'm wondering the best way to responding to her awkward behavior, autoreject and testing. I'm assuming that her intentional awkwardness and surveillance requires significant investment on her part.
Should this be treated as the intentional awkwardness article suggests? ... mall-scale

Or like this: ... -rejection
I mean, the turnaround article suggests that "Act like nothing’s happened" is a bad idea, but isn't proximity and proof acting like nothing happened but then acting warm?
I'm not sure if I should be warm or just be neutral and only become warm if she behaves and complies,
Or something like the turnaround formula (which would require her to be on speaking terms - and also difficult as she is always with a group of friends except when she wants to appear in front of me with her back to me - allowing her a possible public rejection and she could decide to play the ignore game again


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Jun 24, 2019
Hey Steve1341,

after reading everything here it doesn't like you have any connection with this girl at all. The "approach invitations" that you're mentioning aren't actually there, they aren't approach invitations. Also, it doesn't look good on your part when she's there in person, in which case you could talk to her, but then you don't and instead you message her on messenger and try to make conversation that way. Just my thoughts based on what you wrote. There's no connection.

So what I would do in your case is drop this completely. No more messaging her online etc. If you see her in person you can say hi but try to make a conversation with her for once. Best bet is to drop this though and focus on other girls.