Girl of my dreams has always been out of my reach. How shall i handle this girl?

[Ryan]

One of the main reasons I discovered this site was because I was becoming very distressed and frustrated with my girlfriend. She was acting more and more distant as time wore on. This meant I would try to be more daring, more romantic and more generous with my affection to counter this. But this would drive her even further away.

Bear in mind this was childish love. I never even kissed her (on the lips), but we would go on dates almost everyday and talk about love, marriage, children and related things. We were together, on and off, for about 5 years. (She dumped me 3 times, and reconciled twice). The last time was just before my 18th birthday. She told me she couldn't do it anymore, and she wanted to move on. I was fine with this. She was moving to another country to study anyway.

Last summer, my friend invited me to stay with him for a month in Asia. One of the countries I visited was the country of her hometown. I visited her hometown, thinking I could visit her for a short while to rekindle old feelings or just a short friendly stay at least (since I was in her country and we'll probably never meet again). But she wouldn't even answer my calls and instead got her friend to call me, saying she wasn't interested in meeting me anymore and she found a boyfriend.

I know it can take a long time to move on, but it's been over a year now since we last spoke to each other. And I still love her very much (I suppose from all the investment, chasing and dreaming about her during those 5 years together). And since i have the wonderful resource of Girls Chase right here (and i know her well enough to know just what kind of man she likes), i know i could win her back.

But is it in my best interest? I'm worried that even with all these techniques i have at my disposal to master before we meet, and i apply it to have her totally head over heels, there'll be another girl out there that will love me and appreciate me more for what i have to offer, and make me even happier. Even though, currently, i'm still in love with the previous girl that i can't even go to sleep at night sometimes.

p.s. I don't want her to sound like she's a total bitch. She really isn't/wasn't. When we were together, she had an innocent heart of gold and a gorgeous appearance.
But after all my years of chasing and pampering her just so she can give me a little breadcrumb of affection in return, i have definitely spoiled her, and now she probably thinks she deserves better. (My gran taught me how to knit, and i once knitted a whole 1-metre scarf for her!).

Lastly, am asking this concerning who i will have long-term relationships with. There have always been local girls I'd love to date and have sex with, but none who i would enter a LTR like the girl above.

 

[Franco]

Re: Girl of my dreams has always been out of my reach. How shall i handle this g

ryan,

My advice here would be pretty much the same as it was in this post here:

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3954

Your situation might even be worse, however, because you haven't been intimate with this girl; and nowadays, I wouldn't even consider that a guy has a "girlfriend" if he isn't sleeping with her. It's merely a flirty friendship.

If she hasn't contacted you in a year, then she's probably moved on, and without any level of sexual intimacy, it wouldn't be hard to imagine that she has. You should probably do the same, and luckily for you, this website contains the information that you need to know to succeed beyond what you probably ever imagined. I would take the road that seems darker now but has endless light at the end of the tunnel.

These boards will continue to be available to help people like the poster in the topic I linked above as well as yourself. Use this resource to become someone that you can appreciate and wonder to yourself, "why did I ever think about staying the man I was before this?"

This is my advice. =)

- Franco

 

[Ryan]

Re: Girl of my dreams has always been out of my reach. How shall i handle this g

ryan,

My advice here would be pretty much the same as it was in this post here:

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3954

Your situation might even be worse, however, because you haven't been intimate with this girl; and nowadays, I wouldn't even consider that a guy has a "girlfriend" if he isn't sleeping with her. It's merely a flirty friendship.

If she hasn't contacted you in a year, then she's probably moved on, and without any level of sexual intimacy, it wouldn't be hard to imagine that she has. You should probably do the same, and luckily for you, this website contains the information that you need to know to succeed beyond what you probably ever imagined. I would take the road that seems darker now but has endless light at the end of the tunnel.

These boards will continue to be available to help people like the poster in the topic I linked above as well as yourself. Use this resource to become someone that you can appreciate and wonder to yourself, "why did I ever think about staying the man I was before this?"

This is my advice. =)

- Franco

Thanks a lot Franco. It's hard to consider this as a possibility as i still have very deep feelings for her, but as you're someone with an experienced viewpoint, I trust your judgement more than mine.

That said, once I really begin to start having sex with girls and really making progress, would you recommend seducing her and having sex with her to get this burden off my back? For 6 years she has teased me and teased me, and I think if I can just break through the wall and have sex with her, then she'll have nothing left on me. And my goodness, will that feel incredible!

 

[Franco]

Re: Girl of my dreams has always been out of my reach. How shall i handle this g

That said, once I really begin to start having sex with girls and really making progress, would you recommend seducing her and having sex with her to get this burden off my back?

I'd say you make it your goal to have sex with at least 10 different girls, first. Then after you've done that, see how you feel about the situation. =)

- Franco

 

[girlsfollow]

Re: Girl of my dreams has always been out of my reach. How shall i handle this g

Since you posted on my thread I just thought I would add.

Having not had sex with her in this day and age makes it something quite far from girlfriend type situation I would say. You basically need to start from scratch. Most importantly you need to get rid of any neediness - when I tried to get back together with my ex soon after we had broken up I actually had some success - old feelings were still strong and I knew her well. However the neediness that had led to me handling the BU so badly also meant that it was so easy to find cracks in the game. I can't even imagine what was going through my mind at the time but the morning after we had sex the first time after breaking up - she was suggesting we could be FWB (which would have been the PERFECT situation to begin with!) instead of saying what I now know is the right thing "of course - I dont really want to be tied down right now - but that wasn't bad " (even though I could tell the night before she was really surprised at how good it was- it was epic)

I said "I dont want to be your friend - I want a relationship" - or something as equally totally retarded!

Guess what - she didn't text back for a while and after that everything was far less cool and playful - no more mystery no more chase- dead (and this despite the fact I'd slept with a few girls since the BU - point is she had slept with about as many guys).

So what I'm saying is you need to get out there and have sex with at least 5 girls that a friend of yours would see as being at least as hot (you use your friend to judge since your idea of her is probably unrealistic) together with a few others (bringing your total to 10+) on the side since its good to lower your standards for practice. After that you will have a less needy approach.

Ultimately the guy should always be in control and therefore should always be the more experienced partner. So you should have slept with many more girls than she has guys, and you need to be seeing at least as many girls as she is seeing guys - to keep the balance in your favour.

Do these things or when you make contact you will not have the right frame.

So as it says on my thread - get your fundamentals handled (as a tip I would suggest getting a place in a central location NOT with your parents is crucial for getting experience). Then send her a text after youve done the above. This is what I did, I gave her a call but she had a bf by then and presumably because of that didn't want to talk to me (I bet she was with him at the time I called!) - but relationships don't last forever and this is a marathon not a sprint.