Girl pegs her bf, but *seems* to respect him?

tyroneattaway

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I know this girl and i guess that you could say we're friends. She loves the swinging lifestyle and is in a 2 years ltr (they only have sex with another girl). Her bf is a military and she has a huge fetish on military guys.

She told me that she pegs her bf (only when he feels like it) and often refers to him as "my alpha" and says that they have a relationship of mutual respect. I questioned her about the pegging thing, saying what i heard from here -- that a girl can't help but lose respect to her bf while doing it. And man, she got a bit outraged! She said that this is not her case, and that she's disgusted by someone who puts every woman into a single category. What do you guys think? Could there really be respect from her part in such a relationship? She also refers to men who allow themselves to be pegged/are open to it as "open minded"...
 

Teevster

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Well, in general, women seek dominant males, and if they fail to be dominant, women tend to loose attraction for them.

However, there are exceptions. It is VERY clear that both the girl and guy enjoy the roles they have attributed to each other - her as the dominant one, and him as the submissive.

If a girl who seeks a dominant male, finds herself with a guy wanting to be pegged... she may do it, but she will lose attraction for him.

This is not the case here. She enjoys pegging her BF.

Also... it seems she values open-mindedness, which the BF provides. So maybe she value this more than her BF being dominant.

Additionally, this may be one of many role-plays they enjoy. Maybe in many others, he is the dominant one. The whole idea behind role-playing is taking roles - i.e. escape from reality. So if he is submissive in a role-play, then it is just a role he is taking, like an actor. If he is dominant in real life, and in every other circumstances outside the role-playing (where he is submissive) then it will seem coherent for her to call him "my alpha".

The whole point of role-playing is to be an actor in a role that is not one's own.

People in the kink/swinger community are more aware/conscious of this than anybody else.

But again, you are here using a girl from the kink/swinger community as an example. Those have a deeper and more complexe sexuality that may differ from the norm. Remember that our theories are supposed to match the norm. We have never claimed than anything we say is purely universal.

I hope this clarifies.

Again, I may be wrong, but this is my interpretation of this.

Best,
 

YS.

Modern Human
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I have seen 10+ year relationships with ZERO attraction or sexual polarity. (My parents being one of them.)

Not everything is about attraction. Sometimes she finds the guy and the relationship super comfortable. Sometimes the relationship means a lot for her personality and her reality. Maybe it's just too much work for her to start over. Maybe it's just too scary for her. Maybe it's just pure inertia. Maybe it's investment theory (and the sunk cost fallacy). Maybe it's pure pragmatism. She might respect his personality or things other than his sexuality. Etc... Etc...

But...

Lack of attraction will definitely mean a shitty or non existent sex life and a complete lack of polarity in the relationship. And... my observation is most of these kinds of no polarity relationships aren't fulfilling for either party.
 

Roundy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jesus imagine being a chick and seeing your guy get off to being fucked in the arse by you.

Sexuality it complex, I get that. We all have peculiar psychological needs to express. But this ones going in the “I’m not touching that” bin next to incest, pedophilia and furries.
 

Skills

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Some guys get off on getting their ass lick...

some guys get off on getting finger in the ass while getting bjs...


But this one, i never heard this one before... But people in the lifestyle are into all types of shit...

I saw dudes in swingclubs were the girls but give me a bj i would cum on her mouth, and then they would make out with her.... But still the op, i think this dude may be bi...

Some girls are into bi guys...
 

LouisVuitton

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Some guys get off on getting their ass lick...

some guys get off on getting finger in the ass while getting bjs...


But this one, i never heard this one before... But people in the lifestyle are into all types of shit...

I saw dudes in swingclubs were the girls but give me a bj i would cum on her mouth, and then they would make out with her.... But still the op, i think this dude may be bi...

Some girls are into bi guys...
It’s common for women to like bi guys. Not every woman wants an alpha. The same way guys want threesomes with their girlfriend and another girl, and it turns the guy on watching their chick hook up with another girl. There are girls that enjoy watching their boyfriend have sex with guys. I don’t judge what other people do sexually. People vary wildly in all things sex.
 

uriel

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Oct 21, 2019
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I think it could be possible that this girl loves and respects her guy but sounds like playing with fire.

When this guy makes her feel angry or disappointed (and she will at some point) this is one of the things that will be used against him.

To each his own, but it sounds to me like there is risk at play.
 

uriel

Space Monkey
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Oct 21, 2019
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Also, some girls like to have all the control in their relationships.
You don't see that everyday but that kind of girl is common.

She gets a beta who she can boss around indefinitely.

Funny thing is those relationships are usually strong and long lasting... not enjoyable, though.
But some guys rather have a secure partner that tells them what to do than a hot girl they need to work for.
 

Tank

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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This is similar to me to that other thread about online dating and prostitution so I quote my response here:
To me this seems part of a wider philosophical question that I've gone back and forth about.

In my younger days I just thought of pick/game/women in a very hedonistic way. Does it feel good? Am I having fun? Do the girl and I have some enjoyable connection? Then why not do it?
In that sense if prostitution feels good (although I didn't really like it when I tried it) who cares. If online dating gives you pleasure, who cares, and if there are some tactics online and on the date that result in more success and hence joy and pleasure than not why not. (and not purely physical pleasure, of course, there's also the element of enjoying the girl's company and so on, and even sex is more interesting from the sexual rapport standpoint).
But then I was fucking everything that moved, having sex 20-30 hours per week and so on and doing everything possible sexually those days, as well as experimenting with all sorts of recreational drugs, was a bit of a degenerate.

But then the other framework is that girls/women/game have an aspect of accomplishment, as in, the quality and success rate and so on as indicative of your value as a man, and thus it should be considered from the standpoint of how successful you are and, vaguely, high value/cool/alpha you are.
I didn't gravitate to this naturally, but ironically through hedonism, in that it seemed that the hotter girls preferred men who thought this way and were focused first and foremost and being high value, alpha, skilled at things and what things represented rather than strictly what felt good.
But then I'm not sure again cause it's not like that mindset specifically led me anywhere good in particular, either.

Once I had an LTR who was a 6, and I was unhappy, how much was this because I felt like less of a man being with her, and how much was because there were some sexual activites I couldn't enjoy with her, that I wasn't experienced some visual elements of sex that I liked, and so on?

Obviously from hedonism itself game is still important in that more and hotter girls gives more pleasure. And for life happiness in general, and even being an accomplished person in your life, a high closing percentage means you can achieve the pleasure and fun and connections you enjoy without it taking too much of your time, and then you can spend more time on your other goals. So although I'm trying to focus more on my other goals in general these days, in the compartment of dating/sex I'm not sure which framework is "right" (for me, I guess?)

So I don't know, I'm sort of on the fence about this overall philosophical question. And lately moving a bit towards the hedonistic side of things. (and again hedonism is maybe the wrong word, since it's not so much the pleasure element itself but the types of sexual connection and rapport that can happen through various sexual modalities)
So going back to this question, I've done everything under the sun sexually, and like pretty much everything (except men, I get soft if there are naked dudes in the room, so gangbangs and such aren't my thing), including being pegged, although with most of these girls we would take turns dominating. Did the girls I've done that with have less attraction for me than they otherwise would? I guess I don't know for sure, but given that one long term FB regularly wrote poetry about how good my dick felt and another LTR would have prolonged continuous orgasms where she'd literally hallucinate for 30 min+ at a time (and they were both high 7s), etc etc etc it doesn't seem like a universal rule. And I've never really been involved in the kink or swinger community or anything so these were regular girls. That said I'd only introduce it after establishing a dominant role in the relationship itself, and almost always dominating her in the bedroom first, and that's always felt more comfortable and natural anyway. I think Teevster kinda has it where it's like a temporary imaginary role more than anything.

In more recent years I've moved away from the hedonistic mindset, ironically in an effort to get hotter girls, as it seemed they want purely "alpha" guys through and through, and do very little of anything that's resembling being submissive, but I can't say the change in mindset has particularly changed my life or results or anything like that. But there are certainly many girls who would completely be disgusted by this sort of thing. But then again those girls would also think exploring higher/alterred states of consciousness through tantric sex is hippie shit too, and that's not exactly "weak" or anything so...
But for what it's worth, overall now I'm a lot less psychologically comfortable with doing that stuff, maybe as part of a subconscious general attempt to "fix" myself or whatever. But I'm not completely sure what's "right", in the end. Maybe it is a bad thing to do, and not everything that feels good should be done, or maybe I should embrace being a strange sex-obsessed motherfucker, I don't know.
 
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