Girl seems to want me again but it’s awkward. What do I do

[Kaida]

I actually wrote about this girl in the past here

At the beginning of May I was texting this classmate and she liked me a lot, and then I made an uncalibrated move and she went cold.

So I sent an “apology” text like I was advised and she did not respond. Then I waited 2 months and sent her a message from a different app and got a response - although not necessarily interest - I ended the convo.

I pinged again a month later and got no response. Keep in mind we’ve actually never talked in person, we just know that we go to the same high school. I met her over instagram.

(I was talking to other girls and focusing on sports during all this time, so its not like I was fixated on her.)

School started a month ago and she got put right in front of me in class, very close, and yet we still haven’t talked since school started.

She’s also somewhat shy so she doesn’t even talk to anybody in the class. Me and this other girl next to me are the loudest people in the class always laughing together.

When I see her in the hallways I just ignore her and walk past and don’t look at her, but its happened a few times that she suddenly appears around a corner and we awkwardly make eye contact and look away. Its obvious she tries to avoid my eyes but I dont care. She likely notices the same with me

Now though, there were rumors going around about me that I have some secret girlfriend (which I didn’t deny lol), plus, I’ve been getting a decent amount of attention football-wise. Recently, I’ve noticed some lingering eye contact from her I sense in my peripheral vision.

It’s a really awkward situation so I’m pretty lost on how to frame my way out of it and get to talking to her again.

What do you guys suggest?

 

[Ambiance]

Oh, to be in high school again.

Next time you get extended proximity to her, talk to her and feel her out. Be warm yet relaxed. The vibe you are going for is "Alright girl, that texting we did was just a way to kill time for me, here's your ACTUAL chance to spark my interest" beneath a display of extroversion and class. Treat her like a friend. If it even comes up, play off your awkward texting fiasco as the past - it's high school and people go through rapid bursts of maturation.

Try to have a solid 8-12 minute chat with her, and keep conversation mostly on her. Mirror her vibe/investment in the conversation. Then connect with her on some interest of hers. Once you've done that and reached a high point of the conversation, tell her you have to run off due to some time constraint, but that you want to hear more about X or you want to do Y together (depending what the thing is). And propose you two meet up somewhere casual.

If she brings up your "secret girlfriend" tell her you're just talking with someone.

In general: stop just texting girls and not interacting with them in person, it's weak. I did the same thing for most of high school and suffered for it. It's fine to have a fun texting conversation, but only so long as you are setting up a meetup pitch or already have done so. Or if you are just playing with a girl and don't care what happens with her (your indifference will often raise her interest, which you can then capitalize on if you so choose).

Also, girls in high school are so malleable - you can break all the rules with them, so long as you lead them decisively and act you know better than them. I got away with so many date requests in high school despite the "officialness" scheduling a date implies (which many younger girls shy away from) simply because I was so nonchalant about pitching them. Once girls get older, sometimes pitching coffee/ice cream/etc meetups can feel too "boyfriendy", but often younger girls don't have the experience to back up what their intuition tells them.

 

[Will_V]

I actually wrote about this girl in the past here

At the beginning of May I was texting this classmate and she liked me a lot, and then I made an uncalibrated move and she went cold.

So I sent an “apology” text like I was advised and she did not respond. Then I waited 2 months and sent her a message from a different app and got a response - although not necessarily interest - I ended the convo.

I pinged again a month later and got no response. Keep in mind we’ve actually never talked in person, we just know that we go to the same high school. I met her over instagram.

(I was talking to other girls and focusing on sports during all this time, so its not like I was fixated on her.)

School started a month ago and she got put right in front of me in class, very close, and yet we still haven’t talked since school started.

She’s also somewhat shy so she doesn’t even talk to anybody in the class. Me and this other girl next to me are the loudest people in the class always laughing together.

When I see her in the hallways I just ignore her and walk past and don’t look at her, but its happened a few times that she suddenly appears around a corner and we awkwardly make eye contact and look away. Its obvious she tries to avoid my eyes but I dont care. She likely notices the same with me

Now though, there were rumors going around about me that I have some secret girlfriend (which I didn’t deny lol), plus, I’ve been getting a decent amount of attention football-wise. Recently, I’ve noticed some lingering eye contact from her I sense in my peripheral vision.

It’s a really awkward situation so I’m pretty lost on how to frame my way out of it and get to talking to her again.

What do you guys suggest?

If you really have to, just go up to her one day and say hi and be nice and give her some small amount of validation on something you like about her. If she won't reciprocate any interest or doesn't show the least enthusiasm in talking to you, forget about her.

However I think you're getting caught up on this girl when she's already 'rejected' you three times. If she really wants you, she should have to go out of her way for it, at least smiling and batting those eyes or something like that. The problem here is that any move you make, unless well calibrated and fortunate, can easily come off as chasing (given your history of showing un-reciprocated interest to her, and given that she hasn't actually shown any clear interest even now).

As a man you have to accept that sometimes you're caught in a situation where you can't go forward or backward without screwing things up, and that's when you have to learn how to walk away from things that seem like opportunities for things that actually are. You have to be OK with being around girls who you messed up with, broke up with, or missed opportunities with, without exuding this sense of neediness to have everything somehow work out the way you wanted it to. Girls are silly creatures who make stupid decisions all the time, but you can't go around fixing things for them, sometimes they have to accept what they will have to do to get another opportunity with the man they want. It's something they might choose not to do, and that's all well and good, not every girl is so lucky.

 

[Kaida]

@Ambiance

Oh, to be in high school again.

Next time you get extended proximity to her, talk to her and feel her out. Be warm yet relaxed. The vibe you are going for is "Alright girl, that texting we did was just a way to kill time for me, here's your ACTUAL chance to spark my interest" beneath a display of extroversion and class. Treat her like a friend. If it even comes up, play off your awkward texting fiasco as the past - it's high school and people go through rapid bursts of maturation.

Try to have a solid 8-12 minute chat with her, and keep conversation mostly on her. Mirror her vibe/investment in the conversation. Then connect with her on some interest of hers. Once you've done that and reached a high point of the conversation, tell her you have to run off due to some time constraint, but that you want to hear more about X or you want to do Y together (depending what the thing is). And propose you two meet up somewhere casual.

Thanks Ambiance. I really like this advice and I will implement it in my other situations. This doesn’t account for the previous context tho. We were texting a lot and I apologized and showed heavy interest multiple times over text and she more or less rejected those.

Like Will_V said, any move I make at this point is seen as chasing unless she starts a conversation first, and even at that point I’ll need to string along the chasing a lil bit until we’re on even footing again. I definitely see the value in your advice though and will put it to work.

Coincidentally, through google searching some problems I was having the other day I found a lay report of yours from 2016 (or 2006… cant remember) of you in high school. I learned some stuff from your game on there, its great to see you on the forums still.




@Will_V

However I think you're getting caught up on this girl when she's already 'rejected' you three times. If she really wants you, she should have to go out of her way for it, at least smiling and batting those eyes or something like that. The problem here is that any move you make, unless well calibrated and fortunate, can easily come off as chasing (given your history of showing un-reciprocated interest to her, and given that she hasn't actually shown any clear interest even now).

Yeah, given the previous situation I wasn’t sure if I should make a move at all until she gives me a very obvious and conscious sign of interest.

Today, she gave me some lingering eye contact after a girl hugged me in front of the class that I did not reciprocate. but I didnt want to capitalize because that was likely just subconscious interest. Moving in would still be seen as chasing once her conscious mind kicked back in.

As a man you have to accept that sometimes you're caught in a situation where you can't go forward or backward without screwing things up, and that's when you have to learn how to walk away from things that seem like opportunities for things that actually are. You have to be OK with being around girls who you messed up with, broke up with, or missed opportunities with, without exuding this sense of neediness to have everything somehow work out the way you wanted it to. Girls are silly creatures who make stupid decisions all the time, but you can't go around fixing things for them, sometimes they have to accept what they will have to do to get another opportunity with the man they want. It's something they might choose not to do, and that's all well and good, not every girl is so lucky.

True man. I’m always thinking that theres always a right move to make and I just don’t know how. But looks like sometimes you really can’t do anything but leave her to make the first move