I just can't get hard when penetrating, I don't know must be some sort of mental block... but I get hard when masturbating.
Sounds like too much porn/masturbating going on.
Oh yeah.
@Brazerprime, if you ditch the monkey spanking and it's been 10 or 12 days and now you're just desperate to get off, it's going to be a lot easier for your sex drive to override your fears and insecurities.
Insecurities: "But what if I can't...?"
Sex drive: "Screw it! Just get me in her ASAP! I can wait no more!"
Bigger picture, the more jerking off you are doing, and especially jerking off to porn, the more you are retraining your brain to get off on voyeurism and hands and not associate sexual pleasure with "insert penis into vagina and thrust back and forth."
Generally speaking, inability to be hard for penetration is pretty much always down to one of:
- Guy's been jerking off to porn way too much and it feels weird / unsexy with a live woman. His brain associates sexual pleasure with his hand and a screen, not a vagina on a woman right in front of him. Solution: go cold turkey on choking the chicken.
- Guy's really new to picking up girls, or picking up girls in this situation, or moving this fast. When you are doing very unfamiliar things, and the seduction is very conscious because you are deliberately controlling every detail, you will not be in sexual state, and won't be horny. It can be hard to let go when you have been in control the entire time. This goes away as you familiarize yourself with the kinds of pickups you're running.
- Girl's turned the guy off in some way. Happens occasionally. She just did something that's a big turnoff for you for whatever reason, and you're no longer turned on.
- Guy's been getting laid way too often. Did you just go three rounds with a new girl, and now two hours later you're with your usual chick, and she wants sex too, but you're just not getting hard? That'll happen. There are ways around that... but it's also pretty normal.
To be a bit more exacting, all these problems condense down to the same one problem, which is not seeing the woman in front of you as a sex object:
This is for reasonably experienced guys. Newer guys will struggle with making this effective, I believe – it might even backfire. But for guys who are reasonably adept with women – if girls are easily attracted to you, if you’re good at getting them to follow your lead, if you have sex with...
www.girlschase.com
The male brain switches from 'person focus' to 'object focus' before sexual initiation. If you're not making that switch, and stuck as just seeing a woman as a person rather than an object for sexual action, you will not be able to get hard:
- Guy jerking off to porn too much: gets a flesh and blood woman in front of him, with all her thoughts and quirks and nuance, and finds himself going, "No way, this isn't a sex object, like those girls on screen -- this is a person!" and can't get hard
- Guy really new to pickup, or this form of pickup, or this speed: "Whoa, I've been doing all this to get this girl to this point, monitoring her reactions, responding to her -- I can't suddenly see her as an object! She's a person I'm totally attuned to!"
- Guy turned off by the girl: "Ew, this girl isn't a sex object for me. She's just some unarousing person."
- Guy getting laid too often: low/no sex drive, so much more difficult for him to switch out of "person" mode into "sex object" mode
Your mission is "get myself to objectify her sexually so I will want to mount and penetrate her."
If you're jerking off, you should cut that way down. If you're watching porn, cut that out entirely:
I've had a few folks write in recently asking about pornography addiction and excessive masturbation. It's not really a subject I've been especially excited about broaching... I mean, who really wants to talk about watching other people do the deed on video while giving himself a hand?
www.girlschase.com
If you jerk off too much, what happens to your sex drive and motivation? Nothing good – but the problem is not masturbation; it’s masturbation to excess. On an article of mine from earlier this month, a reader asked about masturbation: “Hi Chase, Do you think masturbating destroys your drive for...
www.girlschase.com
Go in with a raging sex drive, having detached yourself from the weird voyeurism of porn, and suddenly a naked, willing woman in your bed becomes a whole lot more exciting and arousing to you.
Also, see this article:
In my previous article here, "You Really Should be Having Sex", about the importance of closing things out with women regularly, Wes comments: “Those ARE reasons enough for me to sleep with a girl who isn't completely amazing but still, HOW do you get turned on by these girls? Back in June, I...
www.girlschase.com
Chase