Girl with moving boyfriend conundrum

[dcapo13]

Hi guys, long time lurker, first time poster here...

I've got this situation. A guy I know, friend of a friend acquaintance is moving far away to the other side of the country this week. Last weekend, our mutual friend hosted a 2 day party as a going away party/mem day thing. He shows up with his gf who I never met. Through the weekend, we were flirting quite a bit. Honestly, I somewhat kept my distance and purposely tried not to respond (much) to her flirtations, but it seemed like she would always choose a seat next to me or "accidentally" brush up against me.

I wasn't really sure what to do. I'm still a noob at this. At one point, I suggested we become friends on instagram, and she gave me her instagram name which I forgot and never friended her. A couple days after the party I happened to run into her at my friends house again, and she mentioned I never friended her and then we wound up connecting on instagram.

Now, her boyfriend moves on Thursday. What should I do? Should I message her and ask her phone number or just forget this whole deal? I'd really like to see her but I'm not sure how to proceed. Should I try to establish contact soon, or wait a few weeks? Is it really just too dorky since I didn't get her phone number? (I considered it, but didn't have an opportunity where I could have asked her without several other people around).

I don't know if they are breaking up, but he is leaving for good over 1000 miles away.

 

[Howell]

Hi guys, long time lurker, first time poster here...

I've got this situation. A guy I know, friend of a friend acquaintance is moving far away to the other side of the country this week. Last weekend, our mutual friend hosted a 2 day party as a going away party/mem day thing. He shows up with his gf who I never met. Through the weekend, we were flirting quite a bit. Honestly, I somewhat kept my distance and purposely tried not to respond (much) to her flirtations, but it seemed like she would always choose a seat next to me or "accidentally" brush up against me.

I wasn't really sure what to do. I'm still a noob at this. At one point, I suggested we become friends on instagram, and she gave me her instagram name which I forgot and never friended her. A couple days after the party I happened to run into her at my friends house again, and she mentioned I never friended her and then we wound up connecting on instagram.

Now, her boyfriend moves on Thursday. What should I do? Should I message her and ask her phone number or just forget this whole deal? I'd really like to see her but I'm not sure how to proceed. Should I try to establish contact soon, or wait a few weeks? Is it really just too dorky since I didn't get her phone number? (I considered it, but didn't have an opportunity where I could have asked her without several other people around).

I don't know if they are breaking up, but he is leaving for good over 1000 miles away.

Welcome to the boards dcapo! You'll find this is a place where everyone is very helpful, and sometimes even charmingly aggressive

First, you shouldn't be taking responsibility for the bf. That's not your business. If she's going to sleep with a guy, it's her thing. Let her worry about that. If you worried about hurting every guy's feelings in a girl's life, every guy who wants her (white knights included), be my guest -- but the girl's gonna find some guy to do the feather bed jig with regardless, trust me -- so it might as well be you.

Second, as for how to proceed from where you are -- your main objective should be to get her to meet up with you somewhere where you can escalate to sex. Whether you invite her directly over to your place to cook food together, if she's already pretty comfortable with you, or somewhere more public like a cafe or park near your house, where you can then pull her to the place where you'll get together, is up to you.

Third, establish contact soon. You may have a connection, but that's not such a rare thing, especially for a cute girl. Besides the fact that attraction has an expiration date, there's also the chance that she'll find someone else. You're probably not the only guy she's giving these signals too. I once went out with a girl in roughly the same situation and she threatened me (so I would move faster, and also she wanted me as a bf, but that's another story) with the fact that she had 9 guys all vying for her pussy that week.

Fourth and last -- in regards to getting her number, it's better to go forward and look stupid than to go the rest of your life wondering what could have happened. There are tons of resources on this site about texting/IMing, and those should give you more specifics. However, if I needed to get her number, I'd ask for it in the context of setting up a date, which I'd build up to as naturally as possible in conversation (but get to the point fast). Get her saying yes to meeting up, then yes to specifics of that, and then as an afterthought grab her digits.

Howell

 

[dcapo13]

Thanks for the reply Howell, and the advice. I'm definitely going to give this one a shot.

This guy is moving this week I know. Should I wait a while before I try to contact this girl, or basically right away? I'm not sure if calling her right after her boyfriend moves would seem like...you know...kind of creepy or whatever.

 

[Howell]

Making her be the one chasing is super important always, but especially important in this type of situation. It sounds like she was giving you signals of interest to see how you'd react. It sounds like she's on the fence, and not consciously admitting to herself that she's open to a new guy. So don't make it explicit, and keep it discreet and subtle. Don't contact her the day he leaves, but a few days later is fine. Better if she's the one who contacts you though. Don't put too much weight on it. If this is the only girl you've got going for you, try not to obsess about her too much. Ideally you should be meeting more girls.

Howell