Girl you've been dating on Tinder Social, how would you react?

[perpetualsun]

Hey everyone,

Been dating a girl for a few months, and recently she's been on vacation with her friends for the last two weeks. I found out she was on Tinder Social with her friends she's been vacationing with and called her to confront her about it. The last time I found out she was on Tinder Social, she had a valid excuse that one of her friends added her to it. This time, she had re-downloaded the app and started to use it with friends.

I Strategically phrased my words to try to gain the most information, by pretending that my friend was also vacationing in the same area and had a conversation with her. I then asked why she was conversing with guys. She then said that she might have but that she must have been drunk.

Afterwards, she starts to complain why I don't trust her and that she was only on Tinder Social with her friends. I then said that unless she had a screenshot of her tinder page, I would have a hard time believing her.

AT THIS POINT, she hangs up on me, before I can say anymore, I assume she does out of anger. About 20 seconds after, she forwards me a screenshot of her tinder, which displayed her tinder group convo, and her not having conversed with anyone aside from the tinder social group.

My question at this point is, I know its very bad for her to have hung up on me, and I will not initiate contact for a while with her even if she contacts me first. What would you guys do at this point? Drop her?

I haven't talked with her since but would like to know what the most even-headed strategy for dealing with this is. Would it be time to cut all losses and just to get on to someone else?

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

I mean, there's no way to know for sure whether her intentions were innocent or thirsty. Girls are good at keeping things ambiguous "I only joined cuz someone added me and I haven't said anything." This in no way stops her from fucking a dude when she actually meets those groups of guys.

That's the inherent danger of dating chicks who party. You're always playing with fire to some extent. Your action itself might even make her MORE likely to cheat.

It's hot to be territorial, but not jealous. I'll go into this in a future article, but basically, you can have the attitude of "your mine" and tell her shit ilke "This pussy is mine" while you guys have sex and hot things like that, but the moment you're worried about her actin' up, you're going into the jealousy territory, which is fear based (whereas territorial is more "sexy aggressive desire").

Edit: oh just reread it and this is the second time she's done it? Lol.

Also, you're calling her to confront her about sneakin' behavior? I mean, if you have the suspicion in the first place, you're in a bad place. The only use of confronting her is for closure - to see if she'll admit to something or not. because once you do it, you hurt your relationship pretty hard.

Also, you're not cool with her talking to dudes? What's she supposed to do, ignore everyone at the bar? With loyal chicks that I know who have partied, they usually say early on "I have a boyfriend" or ignore them themselves (telling her not to has the opposite effect), but then again, with the former situation..that hasn't stopped me.

The absolute best strategy you can right now?

Cut contact and make it hard for her to get back in contact. Ignore a few attempts, I'd say. If anything, you need to take a vantage point of moral superiority. You already fucked up, but that's the best thing (apologizing would destroy you). When she asks why you're being an asshole, tell her that hanging up on you was a huge sign of disrespect (she'll try to rationalize it, but you need to have the frame of "doesn't matter, you disrespected me.") Two wrongs don't make a wrong kinda viewpoint.

Also, I'd say go shag some other chicks.

Wait...are you guys even monogamous? Does she refer to herself as your girlfriend? Has she ever talked about only wanting to be with you?

If not, then this is even worse.

You're asking how to get out of a rear-naked choke and I'm telling you how to, but really, you shouldn't have gotten in it in the first place.


Hector

 

[perpetualsun]

Thanks for this post, REALLY needed it. I can't believe how stuck I was and how many red flags I missed. She's been referring to me as the "guy shes dating", shes a wild spirit type of girl, and young.

I guess what had screwed me up was her telling me about how she'd never cheat and how she hated her dad for cheating on her mom. At this point, I will definitely drop her and move on.

It appears she's also swiped on Guys on tinder aside from the group feature, so yes, she's been browsing guys on there. Do you have any advice on how would you break up with her? text, phone etc? And what might i write? thanks!

 

[Smurf]

I had a friend explain to me that dating and being in a relationship are two different things. I always assume me and a girl aren't in a relationship unless she tries to give me the "what are we" talk and we set ground rules and make things official.

Anatman's spot on here, and yeah, those would be red flags if you are looking for a relationship type of girl.

Jake.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

You guys are dating, not in a relationship. You don't owe her a "breakup." Just disappear.

Hector

 

[perpetualsun]

When you say to disappear, should I delete her from my facebook, etc? Do I re-engage at all if she does contact back?

 

[perpetualsun]

To add, you're absolutely right. Now shes not only just using Tinder Social, but full on engaging guys and talking about meeting up with them. Do you know why this is the case if you get jealous? I know this is a really fucked up situation, do you have any tips on how I can get closure?

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Because you getting jealous makes her think "he must be worried about these other guys, so they're probably better than him." Also she's gonna rebel against you.

Don't delete social media it'll look petty (only do that when you want nothing to do with her at all). Since she's in your social circle tho just go cold. Dont respond to anything.

It's hard to hear but fuck closure. It's for women. You don't need it or want it. It's best if there isn't any since she'll always feel like maybe something is there.

If one of her friends makes herself available to you in any way, take it. She won't hesitate to fuck your friends i assure you.

Hector

 

[perpetualsun]

Anatman -- thanks, just one more question, I forgot to mention she and I don't really have a shared social circle since I'm a bit older than her, would that change anything? (I do see her friends on Tinder all the time tho).

Also, when you say

It's best if there isn't any since she'll always feel like maybe something is there.

, do you mean it as she'll see it as sort of you being the guy that got away sense?

Thanks again, this is literal gold!

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

No shared contacts? K, ditch her on everything, then (unless you want to see her again; it might come off as butthurt...it also might trigger guilt/interest. You never know for sure).

But me? This is what'd I do

 

[perpetualsun]

Thanks Hector,

I'm gonna do exactly as you say -- just do nothing and disappear. You're absolutely right about the deleting of facebook coming off as butthurt -- she'll probably view it as some action I spent time out of my life to do BECAUSE of her and that she in turn has some power over me. Very very alpha advice, thats all I can say, thanks again!

 

[perpetualsun]

Just to give an UPDATE:

So a friend of mine was having a little too much fun with this whole thing and so created fake Tinder accounts to just so happen to match with her using the hide your distance feature in Tinder. TURNS OUT, he matched with her and asked her if she was single, to which she said, "Isnt that why people come on here?" and she also agreed to "hang out" with my friend (but kept avoiding any sexual questions).

About 20 mins after this whole conversation, she messages me "I miss you". Gotta say this will be a fun one not replying her.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

You're peering into the darkness now. Don't become bitter. Just accept it as it is.

Hector

 

[perpetualsun]

Thanks, you're absolutely right, I shouldn't be headed there.

She messaged "I miss you" followed by "But we need to talk when I'm back ". Do you have any idea what she was going to say to me? I'm gonna not answer her calls but if she does call me from some unknown number and I answer, is it acceptable to just hang up?

 

[Smurf]

"I don't chase 'em, I replace 'em"

Replace her with another girl.

Jake.