Girlfriend becoming unreliable

[moom]

Been focusing on increasing my girl’s investment.

It’s fine with things I ask her to do in person in the moment but with anything I ask her to do at a later time, she’s become forgetful/ unreliable.

Examples:

1) Drafting out an email for something a client needed- had to tell her like 3 times before she got around to it.

2) Making reservations at a restaurant, told her twice that day and she still forgot. Called her third time and then she did it right then while on the phone with me.

3) Asked her to order something from Amazon, brought it up like 3 times in 2 weeks and then she finally got around to it after I asked her the third time.

Trying to increase her investment here but its a waste of my time and seems like too much effort to chase after her to invest.

What is this, a behaviour problem? Should I use operant conditioning? Is she not taking what I’m saying seriously? It seemed to have been less a problem early in the relationship but now I feel like I have to hold her hand into investing.

Any insights my GC brothers?

 

[climbingup]

Deleted

 

[topcat]

Bro that’s not who she is. You’re going to be banging your head against a wall continually trying to get her to be what she isn’t. Better you find a girl more suited to your needs..

 

[moom]

Bro that’s not who she is. You’re going to be banging your head against a wall continually trying to get her to be what she isn’t. Better you find a girl more suited to your needs..

You think it’s just something inherent? Something that can’t be changed? She definitely always has been a little scatterbrained

 

[TomInHo]

Sounds like she's just a forgetful person. I would look for other ways to raise her investment that work with her strengths rather than trying to change her

Think of it like being a coach of a soccer team. You can't all of a sudden take a player thats a talented goalie and transform him into a superstar striker over night. Because if winning the game is important to you, it's smarter to play and develop him further to become a phenomenal goalie rather than waste lots of time teaching him new tricks, mindsets and techniques just so he could become a mediocre striker at best

 

[moom]

Sounds like she's just a forgetful person. I would look for other ways to raise her investment that work with her strengths rather than trying to change her

Think of it like being a coach of a soccer team. You can't all of a sudden take a player thats a talented goalie and transform him into a superstar striker over night. Because if winning the game is important to you, it's smarter to play and develop him further to become a phenomenal goalie rather than waste lots of time teaching him new tricks, mindsets and techniques just so he could become a mediocre striker at best

Interesting and great way to think about this- thank you @TomInHo

 

[StrayDog]

I agree a good amount with what these guys are saying that this is clearly not her strong suit. Like what TomInHo is getting at, about playing to helping her develop her strengths. Rather than focusing on her weaker traits.

Gonna add that it is way easier to get people invested in things when they can A: They can clearly see the benefit of it. B: It is something that is in line with their own interests and goals. C: If it is not something that directly pertains to their own personal interest (you are essentially asking a favor) a sort of equal exchange reward is offered.

So in regards to your examples it might go something like this

1: This is your business and while it may have some benefit to her, send your client an email is probably not a priority for her (she is not your secretary after all). So maybe frame it like this "Hey babe, you if you help me by sending my client an email I will probably have a bit of extra free time tonight to give you a shoulder rub." In the long term, you can slowly seed the frame of exactly all the ways that her helping you benefits her, and since there are also occasional rewards she will be more inclined to help in general.

Or "Hey babe, if I land this thing with this client we are definitely going to be able to take that road trip we've been talking about. Mind helping me out a bit, so we can hit the highway already?"

2: Assuming this was for a dinner date, and not just a routine meal out. Perhaps she wasn't all that invested in either the dinner date idea, or the place itself. Negotiate and take the lead on coming up with a date idea that she can get invested in
You: Alright babe, we're gonna have a killer date this weekend. Are you feeling more adventurous or lowkey?
Her: A bit of both, I guess
You: It's been a moment since we've been out to dinner. What if we found someplace new we've never been?
Her: Oh now that sounds nice
You: Here's and idea, why don't you find a few places that sound interesting to you and we can pick the top one
Her: I get to pick?
You: Well, so long as it sounds good to me too. Wanna Jump on that?
Her: On it

See how you are giving her a bit of agency to feel invested in the whole endeavor. When you two are finalizing the place you are going you can frame the whole thing in an exciting way "This looks delicious, we are gonna have such a nice time. I hope. It is a new place after all. So very adventurous of us. At least we are in this together." By the time you request her to make the reservations she has bought in a lot more and is more likely to follow through.

3: I don't know the details of what you were ordering, but I am sure you can still apply the same logic here.

 

[Will_V]

Should I use operant conditioning?

Yes.

Is this something only with you or is it her personality, does it come up with other people or different situations that don't have to do with you?

If so it's going to be difficult, and the results may be limited. That's why screening is necessary for any invested relationship.