Girlfriend doesn’t deny sex but not turned on, common?

[moom]

Girlfriend doesnt deny sex ever, but i’m finding more occurences of her not being as turned on as usual.

We’ve been seeing each other for 6 months, 2 of those months being exclusive.

Honeymoon period we fucked like atleast 2-3 times a day, and now its usually once a day when she comes over, sometimes twice.

We used to have rough sex all the time, and she used to be wet from the moment I touched her. Now, its more gentle, romantic sex and half the time we fuck, she’s not wet at first until i do some foreplay. Also, tried having rough sex again recently after a week of gentle sex and it “threw her off because she got so used to the gentle sex.”

She’s wet like 50% of the time we fuck now instead of all the time like she used to be.

What can I do?

 

[Rakehell]

Sounds normal to me dude. It’s kind of like eating your favorite food everyday, yeah it’s your favorite, but you’ll eventually get less excited for it.

So like with eating your favorite food, you’ll probably just have to switch it up, get less predictable, try new things, different positions, different places, break the pattern.

Kind of like when you broke the pattern with the rough sex. Which was a good move but it was probably abrupt and her vagina wasn’t ready for it.

 

[Ambiance]

This unfortunately is very normal when monogamous. I went through the same thing with my former relationship of three years. I utilized MANY different techniques to delay the inevitable reduction of passion, such as:

- Push-Pull, ie having a wonderful weekend with her, and then deliberately barely talking to her for a few days
- Sexual prizing, ie dropping hints other girls were still trying to get me
- Revealing some of my crazy history with girls, like threesomes, amount of girls, sleeping with a girl within 10 minutes of meeting her, etc
- Improved my physique/fashion
- Jokes about how I had a girlfriend on the side (I didn't)
- Great sex centered around her orgasm (I now recommend prioritizing yourself over her)
- Only seeing her X times per week (COVID totally ruined this strategy)
- Leaving town for extended periods
- Flirting with other girls, and even seducing them, but aborting before anything physical happened (I've never cheated... and where did it get me?)

While I was successful in prolonging her maximal lust for me (we often joked we were in our Xth honeymoon, think we got as high as 6th), it was very taxing on both myself and her and not sustainable. She felt so out of control for most of the relationship, which lead to a lot of drama, and to me eventually giving in and tempering my player edge. Which of course damaged attraction. It was also quite the mental battle to make this all seem natural and not calculated, both to her and myself, even though deep down I knew how much effort I was putting in.

Once a woman knows she has you to a certain degree, attraction drops. Commitment points are the bane of attraction. Chase has a wonderful article about the phenomenon here: https://www.girlschase.com/content/commitment-points-why-you-must-avoid

So just never commit then, right? Except women are ultimately pragmatic, and will not hang around past a point if they feel things are going nowhere. "My free trial is about to expire" I used to teasingly tell my girlfriend when she'd demand more investment. Quite the catch-22: commit and damage attraction, or don't commit and watch her eventually leave you for a lesser man that doesn't excite her but gives her security.

I am now of the belief it is impossible for a relationship to maintain a honeymoon-like period of carnal attraction if the man is not seeing other women on the side. I think the only way to have your cake and eat it too is to have an implicit arrangement with your paramour there will be women on the side, though you will still shower her with love and attention and support so long as she is good to you.

 

[TomInHo]

That's sound normal

It's hard to keep the passion going in monogamous relationships, but you can increase her desire by seeing her less and having her suspect that you could be fucking other women

It's crazy because women will swear up and down that they love men that fully commits, yet they sexually respond the best to guys that they never have full control over.

So some practical things you can do are

1. Don't See Her Too Often
There's a saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder and it's so true. If you guys see each other everyday things will get boring super fast and she is going to start emotionally viewing you as a family member or roommate which isn't good for stoking the flames of passion

2-3 times per week is more than enough time together for a monogamous situation in my opinion

2. Keep Your Seduction Skills Up
When you got into the relationship you probably had sharp seduction skills to get your girl, and you can never forget that is the man she fell in love with. So even though you may be in love with her, you need to maintain that edge to keep the attraction alive.

It doesn't mean that you need to cheat on her, but flirting with girls outside the relationship will keep you attractive and will spillover good behaviors into your relationship

Because remember, women love a man that other women want. So to keep your main woman wanting you, make sure other women would die to have her spot

3. Have A Life Outside Of Her
Women love a man that's on an adventure, but deep down they never want to become that mans adventure. So enjoy the relationship, do your best to keep it healthy but never prioritize it over you own life and future.

Because if your woman begins to sense that's she becoming your universe, her pussy will start to dry up and she'll begin fantasizing about another man that can take her on a magic carpet ride

4. Lead The Relationship
You must maintain the leadership position in the relationship, with her being the co-captain. It doesn't mean you should become a dictator, but your woman needs to know that you are in control of the flow of emotions and direction of the situation.

Because if things stall out too long... she'll become bored and eject.

If she feels like you don't take into consideration what's is best for both of you... she will eject.

If she feels like you become weak and now she's leading... she will eject

If she doesn't have a role to play in your adventure... she will begin to question what her real worth to you is beyond her pussy, and will ironically lose trust and eject.

TLDR Moral of the story is getting a serious girlfriend is more work than a lot of guys think. At first you think you're getting a lover with endless supply of fun and sex on tap, then later you realize that you actually adopted a child and lots of responsibility

Good luck

 

[moom]

Fuck, such a catch 22 situation.

I always felt monogamy or complete bachelorhood were the only options. I can do the dread stuff but alot of it is so calculated.

Sex is literally the most important thing to me though. Do you find a girl’s orgasm intensity goes down as well the longer she’s in a relationship with you?

 

[Will_V]

Yes its normal, that's just the way things go. I also agree with @Ambiance about trying too hard to create excitement, it's very hard not to look like you're over invested when you're the one coming up with more and more adventurous stuff and suggesting things.

IMO the best way to improve things is to simply see her less. After having lived with one of my girlfriends for over a year I don't think I will ever do that again unless we were starting a family. It robs the relationship of anticipation and preparation, and makes it revolve around very mundane things like the distribution of menial tasks etc.

I believe the best way to run a relationship is as if you are by yourself, dedicated to your goals, and make her feel like she has to invest in it more and more in order not to be superfluous. That means prioritizing other things over her, spending almost all of your time (including free time) away from her (unless she comes to you) - which will make her wonder a lot at what you're doing - and balancing that by creating a small amount of very high quality time together, like going on an adventure, having a Sunday afternoon of good sex etc. She will create drama eventually if she doesn't think things are progressing enough, but by maneuvering it carefully I think this has the highest longevity of a good relationship.

Another thing that very much improves things, I have found, is to cultivate a mysterious air about what you do all the time. For example if she asks about your day, sometimes tell her all about it, other times basically cut the thread of the conversation, other times tease her with some nonsense. The point is she will think "why did he sidestep that?" "why is he teasing me about such a straightforward question?" etc, and gets her mental gears whirring. Also, it makes her feel as if even knowing what you're up to is something she's not supposed to ask/know, reducing attainability.

With one of my girlfriends I used to always say 'just the usual' when she asked me what I had been up to etc. At first it was because I was coding away in my room and I really meant 'just the usual' - a boring answer I know. But through a combination of circumstances (with a little bit of help from me) it became equated with 'up to no good' and thereafter I often used it to tease her and get her anxiously probing away.

Another thing, and it sounds ridiculous and petty but damn it sure works, is to make sure I'm always the one to end phone calls and message conversations. It's just one of those things I've found to always improve the dynamic of the relationship, and you can also play around with how you end it.

So the main things I'd do:

- See her less
- Reduce investment overall
- Cultivate a mysterious air
- Improve the quality of the time you do have together

 

[TomInHo]

Fuck, such a catch 22 situation.

I always felt monogamy or complete bachelorhood were the only options. I can do the dread stuff but alot of it is so calculated.

Sex is literally the most important thing to me though. Do you find a girl’s orgasm intensity goes down as well the longer she’s in a relationship with you?

For me personally the emotional and sexual intensity of my relationships tend to improve until the 2-3 year mark. But we discussed why that happens for me in your last relationship thread

 

[Alpha13SC]

- Only seeing her X times per week (COVID totally ruined this strategy)

Funny and sad at the same time, right?

Ontopic:

Unfortunately, this was my experience as well. @Chase is talking about this, this process of relationship maturing.

The guys here gave very good info and they have the same conclusion as mine. So I ll keep it different.
Note: What I m saying below should come from you, for you especially, not for her. It should feel like it's part of your nature. I tend to get bore sometimes, so I put effort in doing a lot of things new and different to keep myself high into the moment, in the first place. And she ll get my state also. (One time I just changed the position of bed, wanted to see if it feels different. It felt. After 1year, I changed it back. feels different again haha)

What I found out to help.

1. Keep being the man. Be strong. I saw some attempts trying to make behave more like a boyfriend. Disgusting.
Keep the raw, masculine, energy. Ultimately, I think that is making her horny.

2. Have a mission that keeps you focused in your life. So she knows that is she have to get your attention, she ll get it through pieces. And I m saying focus on your mission because the second part will become natural.

3. Do things for your own enjoynment. And here I mean: try new places, do fun things, do new things, etc. Firstly, for you, and then she ll enjoy also.
I remember one time I told her I want to go to sea, and if she s ready to go that night. FF, 2-3h later I was driving 230km just to spend a night there, 230km back because I had work next day. Took a bottle of wine and a blanket. Ofc we had sex on the beach, later in the night, with no lights near us and sky full of stars. We felt that passion we had from the first days we have met.

And I m saying for your own enjoynment first, because otherwise it can feel like a chore. You want it to become something easy for you.

4. Alternate sex. Be unpredictable. Sometimes go slow, Othertimes rough. I remember 1year into our relationship, I brought a chain to my bed to tie the handcuffs to. Just told her I got an idea.

5. Start sex romantically, to get her turn on, and then, gradually go rough. Use more dirty talk. Worked for me very good.

6. This will be controversial, but I m trying now, so fuck it. Use a penis pump. Will make your penis bigger temporarily. Or if you use it long term, you can make some gains. It can be quite new for her to feel you different.

7. And one of the most important(Idk I let it at the final) be passionate and keep your desire high. Quit porn or masturbation. Once, after a few months she told me it was different. I asked her how. She told me I had another vibe, another energy. I remember, that time I was so all over her body, like I wanted to bite and eat every peace of her ski. So let her feel your desire. It will be contagious.

8. Something that I liked to do is getting her warmed up through the entire day. Send her messages, and so on.

Those are the things that I think of right now.

But tbh, now I tell them that I m not monogamous.

Alpha13SC

 

[Chase]

@moom,

Sex frequency always declines post-honeymoon period. The newness + urgency just isn’t there anymore so neither party wants to shag as much.

Beyond that, what you are really guarding against is boredom setting in.

The other guys have great suggestions here. Not much to add for your current relationship.

For future relationships, if you want to put yourself in a position where sexual frequency and potency more or less NEVER decline past the honeymoon period, the magic solution for that is this:

Get yourself an opinionated, ornery girl with an attitude who argues with you semi-frequently.

Some of the time you’ll be extremely annoyed at her, just done with her (“I am over this chick!”). But once you both reconcile you are fucking like bunnies all over again.

Fiery relationships either go down in flames or else they stay piping hot basically forever. The only way they grow cold is if one of the partners breaks (i.e., gets soft and tame).

The catch is of course that you have to deal with being annoyed with her a certain portion of the time.

That’s the tradeoff every man has to make in his relationships:

1. Tranquil girl but also stale, tranquil, boring sex he needs to keep finding external ways to try and spice up
   
   
2. Or firebrand girl where the sex is almost always hot and in ready supply but she can be extremely irritating at times

You can’t have one without the other. Tranquility goes with boredom; passion goes with irritation. Pick your poison.

You may want to see also this article:

Sex Drive Compatibility, Drive Collapses, & Relationship Sex Issues

You want to date someone long-term. But is she sexually compatible? Most people don't check… yet this is perhaps the #1 most important compatibility of all. I spoke recently with an experienced seducer who was having some issues with a girlfriend of his. The relationship had begun normally, with...

www.girlschase.com

Chase

 

[moom]

Thank you to @SunKing @Ambiance @TomInHo @Will_V and @Alpha13SC for all your answers here.

Seems like a ton of useful material to work with, some seem a little too contrived and calculated for me, but most of them I naturally do or can push a few buttons to do more of.

One thing I definitely don’t do currently is that she comes over to mine like 6 days a week and stays over every weekend. Head over heels in love but I’m starting to realize love does not equal being wetter than niagara falls.

Thank you @Chase for getting on this thread as well with your input, dated a fiery girl before this one and yeah sex was every day pretty much wet pussy without fail. Just became too much of a headache and annoyance for me over time. Very interesting to see the correlation here though, never thought of it that way.

I like my submissive, un-argumentative, high sex drive girl currently as I live a quite on the go life, its easy to get her swept away into the novelty of it all