girlfriend keeps contact with ex

[shaneawi]

Yesterday I saw on her voicemail that her ex boyfriend of 4 years left her a couple of voicemail messages. My girlfriend didn’t tell me about it.They still have each other’s phone numbers and social media. Is this something I should be concerned about? She said when she first met me, that her ex never had a stable job, the sex was terrible and she was with him for two years and she realized they weren’t right for each other.

We have a great relationship. She initiates sex with me often, is open to anything I want to do in bed, she cooks dinner for me, buys me gifts randomly and bought a hot air balloon ride for me on my birthday. We also have plans to move in together this year and she’s hinted at marriage and kids with me multiple times.

Is this situation anything I should worry about? I feel like because she’s still in contact with him it’s because she’s not fully committed to me and won’t be.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Shaneawi dude! Personally I wouldn't like it. Maybe we're both a little insecure? The worst thing is this puts ya in a shit frame. If ya react and show that this crosses a boundary ya look weak, needy insecure and emotional. If ya don't react or bring it up this seems acceptable. Ya keep a stronger frame being unaffected though.

Because ya weren't meant to see the voicemails ya look like ya were looking and that doesn't look cool and confident. So ya best bet is to not think about it and not bring it up directly. Ya need to get her to realise that this isn't good for your relationship and make the decision herself. Read up the articles on changing girls opinions, beliefs and overton windows.

Unless she brings this up this time ya can't attack it head on and be direct without looking emotional. She'd also wonder why the sudden change in your behaviour if it's never been a problem that they've kept in touch before.

If she's heavily invested in you, willingly submits to you, has good compliance and pushing you for commitment ya doing alright and it's not a major concern. It could become one if you blow up over it. Ya in a tricky situation dude. Has her behaviour changed much towards/around you? That's the indicator to if you should be concerned

 

[shaneawi]

that’s the weird thing. Her behavior hasn’t changed at all. Yesterday she bought lunch for me without me asking. We had really good sex twice, had a great conversation afterwards. She told me she loved me. We woke up had sex again and she said she loved me again. Her behavior has been just as warm towards me as it’s always been.

I don’t understand why she would want to stay in contact with him

 

[naturalmikey]

Typical pua thinking was that you ignored and did not respond to anything jealousy evoking. The problem with this line of thought is women want you to get jealous and you might end up ignoring her until she fucks someone else.

This dude sounds like a non-threat. His issue is the sex sucked. As long as you're breaking that ass in half a couple times of day she's not going to be looking for a downgrade. I'd be on the lookout for someone new and exciting. She may feel like a mother to this guy, honestly. That's not sexy.

One alternative I've found successful to a woman who is trying to arouse jealousy... By the way I'm not saying she is. More likely her ex is randomly contacting her. You're biggest issue would be her giving him money, which I wouldn't like. But I digress, I tend to use conditioning to control her behavior. It's basically an endless cycle of her behaving badly, being punished, behaving well, being rewarded. Her behavior will over time improve. The key is never to get mad or jealous on the spot (reactive). Instead first you retreat emotionally and quit showing affection. You later mention to her what she did and say to her "do you know what it says when you do that?" She is going to immediately think of all the negatives and label herself all those things. These are all conclusions she comes to on her own. It will stop that behavior. But you also need to be rewarding her (mostly with affection) for doing things you like. Affection (as well as validation) is a valuable currency to women. You can be as stingy or as generous as you want. This works far better than most men's method of giving in and always letting her win or the common pua dogma of ignoring it and then nexting her if she cheats.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Very good points from naturalmikey there dude! I like to use conditioning myself. It's very powerful when done and they're mostly fast learners. I find I establish a trigger through touch early on and if she misbehaves there's no touch and then she quickly fixes her behaviour.

I don't know why ya girl wants to stay in contact, it could be the mothering thing that naturalmikey suggested.

All my ex lovers have kept my number and if they got my social media have kept me on it. I don't contact these girls but they all contact me. If I knew my girl was contacting an ex the way mine contact me I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour and she'd be nexted. I don't think this is the case here and ya shouldn't have anything to worry about judging from her behaviour.