Girlfriend made fun of me

[Corsica]

Last night my girlfriend and I were on our way to a party. We got into some mild argument on the way there and she was kind of upset with me. We went into the party and a while in she started talking to a friend of mine. We're both in a band. She said to my friend "Evan whenever I tell someone about the band they always say oh yeah I know the tall guy with black hair. Why are you the most popular guy in the band?" and he replied "No, Corsica is the MVP." to which she then responded "he's not my favorite." It was a joke and everyone laughed.

Being in the middle of a party and not wanting to look flustered or like I cared I just shrugged it off. She is crazy about me and normally is very nice to me. We left the party a couple hours later and settled whatever it was we had been arguing about. Anyway, now today I am feeling angry about what she said. I don't know if she was just trying to get under my skin or make me jealous, but I didn't like her fawning over the one guy and then making a joke about me not being good. I can't really bring it up now without looking like it's been bugging me and looking lame.

Am I overreacting here? How do you handle a girlfriend being rude to you or disrespecting you in front of friend without causing a scene or being socially retarded about it?

Thanks

 

[Franco]

Re: Girlfriend made me mad

Corsica,

Whenever I'm out with my girlfriend and she begins to start some form of drama, the first thing that I always do is isolate her somewhere (at least away from my friends). Once you isolate her, you can speak to her directly and address the issue without having your friends butting in or passing judgment on your conversation.

In this situation, assuming you were upset about her comment and assuming she did it as a passive-aggressive way of showing "disdain" toward you for something you did (or didn't do), then you should have asked her to walk outside with you for a moment to talk. Then at that moment, I would have addressed the issue with something along the lines of, "I don't know if you're still upset at me about X, but I don't appreciate you talking about me that way in front of my friends. I don't walk into parties and talk about you in distasteful ways, and I expect you to give me the same respect."

The conversation can go a number of ways here, but assuming she was upset about whatever you were arguing about before, it's likely she'll want to divert the conversation back to that argument since that is what is really upsetting her. At that point, you want to resolve whatever issue you two had before you arrived at the party, and then make it clear afterward that you don't expect her to do something like that again.

EDIT: If she's not upset about it anymore and you two are pretty "normal" at the moment, then I wouldn't bring it up. If it happens again, you need to be on top of it and address it immediately next time.

- Franco

 

[Corsica]

Thanks, Franco. Those are all great points.

I have another question on this same topic. In this article https://www.girlschase.com/content/respe ... re-it-goes Chase gives this example of demanding respect.

She says something disrespectful: "Excuse me... WHAT did you just say to me? No, you don't get to beg off of that. No - you just insulted me. We're going to talk about that. No, you're not squirming out of it. You just disrespected me and you need to explain yourself right now. Do I ever talk like that to you? Do I ever talk like that to you? Then why on Earth would you talk that way to me?"

My question is when exactly is something "disrespectful?" When do you just brush off things that girls say that may be teasing or tests, and when do you address them directly. I never want to seem like things that she says bug me so I don't address them.

For example, if a girl implies that you aren't good at something or teases that you aren't a real man. Do you just brush this off as if it means nothing to you, or should you follow what Chase says above?

Thanks again!

 

[Franco]

Corsica,

It's a judgment call. I think you can usually tell when your girlfriend is saying something that is disrespectful toward you versus when she's saying something just to tease you but in a playful way. The fact that you got angry about it should probably tell you that you knew she said it because she was insulting you rather than teasing you (because she was in a bad mood from the argument), so that's probably a pretty good indicator that it needs to be addressed.

Obviously if she's just playfully teasing you, you can either brush it off or tease her right back -- whichever is more your style.

- Franco

 

[Corsica]

Great thanks!

Do you think there's any use in addressing what happened last night now? Or would I just look insecure and weak?