Girlfriend: Receptive To Physical Touch, But Never Initiates

NarrowJ

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One of the girls that I've been seeing lately doesn't ever initiate physical touch with me. When I say she doesn't, I mean never. She's always receptive to my touch, and we do have great sex together- but it gets very tiresome that I have to be the one to initiate ALL physical touch. She never sits down close to me or kisses me. Nothing. Thus, its caused me to get this "needy" feeling when I do things like rub her leg or steal a kiss or something. But again, I want to drive the point home also that she is ALWAYS receptive when I'm touching and kissing her (and we have great sex).

Any thoughts on why she is like this? How can (and should I) bring this up with her?
 

ZacAdam

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Re: Girlfriend: Receptive To Physical Touch, But Never Initi

Hi J,

Some girls are really passive. Maybe dropping an atomic bomb, she will start responding!

Okay, pardon me for the lame joke :) Some girls are passive. This could be a number of reasons.

1) She's conservative/religious some way while she was young.
2) She's been hurt before.
3) You not her boyfriend, so she's drawing herself a line, which can be a good thing for you, and her.

I suggest asking how her childhood is like, asking her how she is with her family. It might trigger something.

Zac
 

NarrowJ

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Re: Girlfriend: Receptive To Physical Touch, But Never Initi

Zac, great points there:

I know she's been hurt, and went through a couple bad relationships. Have no idea re: family situation or what have you though. I grew up in a pretty tight knit, loving household. I'm definitely "touchy feely" and very affectionate by nature.

You, know- at times I've felt like its something I could help her with, instead of being a dick and feeling resentful about it too. I try to find the good in others, and be helpful and things like that. But, I don't know. That gets hard sometimes, I usually never get it back in return!


-NJ
 

ZacAdam

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Re: Girlfriend: Receptive To Physical Touch, But Never Initi

J,

NarrowJ said:
You, know- at times I've felt like its something I could help her with, instead of being a dick and feeling resentful about it too. I try to find the good in others, and be helpful and things like that. But, I don't know. That gets hard sometimes, I usually never get it back in return!
It's actually good to know your own emotions. IT's not a bad thing. You just knowing what you want, while knowing that you try to find the good in others and if it's not possible to find one, then it's okay.

There's no need to. (A lesson i learn from life, Find something good, If i can't, let it be then. It's my life. :)

Zac
 

Chase

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Re: Girlfriend: Receptive To Physical Touch, But Never Initi

J-

Have you tried directing her?

Like,


  • You: You know what would really turn me on?

    Girl: What's that?

    You: If one of these days I would just be sitting here, and you would just ATTACK me with passion. I would never say "no" to that.

    Girl: Haha.

    You: Actually, let's try it right now. Attack me.

    Girl: Uh, right now?

    You: Yeah. I'm not even going to look. I'm going to pretend I had no idea you were going to start throwing boobs in my face. Come on.

    Girl: Okay.

It's probably a fear of rejection... she's afraid if she initiates you'll turn her down.

If you direct her to initiate a bunch of times, and then continue to reinforce that you want her to do it, she'll gradually start doing it on her own.

I like to have girlfriends initiate at least sometimes too, so I usually train them this way if they don't naturally initiate much. You have to respond EVERY time they initiate though - go cold even once during the initial training and it can really hurt your efforts. Once the pattern is firmly established, you can say "no" every now and again, but don't do it too much or it builds resentment, just as husbands who always initiate but often get spurned come to resent their wives.

As a side benefit, your training her to initiate and conditioning her to expect ACCEPTANCE instead of rejection will raise her self-esteem and build up her confidence. You get better, more effortless sex, and she gets higher confidence levels.

Chase
 

NarrowJ

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Re: Girlfriend: Receptive To Physical Touch, But Never Initi

Chase, thanks for the response. I'm going to try this next time we hang!

Will update this post with the result :)

-NJ
 

ChalupaBatman

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NarrowJ said:
Chase, thanks for the response. I'm going to try this next time we hang!

Will update this post with the result :)

-NJ
Hey NarrowJ, how did this go?
 

NarrowJ

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Haha. But eh... Never really saw that girl again after that, so I never actually got to try it out :(

J.J.
 
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