Girlfriend takes forever to text back.

[EasyE]

I'll start this off by saying that my girlfriend is a Highly Sensitive Person or HSP, so whenever she's upset, she gets overwhelmed and goes silent. Once she's ready again she'll come re-engage. Whether thats calling, texting or re-engaging in conversation in person. If you'd told me about this personality type before I'd met her, I would've thought it was made up. They've got their pros and cons. And from what I've read online they seem to be real shit with texting.

She's currently overseas at her family place with her parents, and she'll be coming back tomorrow. Over text, she asked me if I wanted to go watch a play with her next week, and I said no. In my response I outlined my reasoning and said I'd like to do something nice with her but at the moment it's not the right time for me financially as I'm working hard towards my goals, and spending money on a play doesn't make sense. Then I followed up asking her how her day was.

This time it's been nearly a full 24 hours since she's not responded to my text and left me hanging. Whether it's because she's upset or angry or whatever. I should mention she's got her location shared with me 24/7 on her phone. (Her idea) It's not like she's going out.. she's at home reading her novels, and ignoring my texts.

She's always been a slow replier, to her parents, her siblings, her friends and oftentimes me as well. The exception is if I called her right now, she'd almost certainly pick up.

In the past there have been times where we haven't texted for the day and I took that as a sign she didn't want to see me. Then she'll be surprised that I didn't come over to see her on the evening that's usually reserved for us being together. And I'll tell her it's because she didn't keep in touch, so I took it as a sign.

In her mind she'll go for hours reading her novels (in the space of 4 weeks overseas with her family she's gone through 10+ novels) she'll get lost in her own world and forget to keep in regular contact with me or anyone, but expect things to be normal once she's ready.


In my mind I'm thinking there are two ways to go about this:

1. Don't chase. Don't worry about it and go throughout my life and wait for her to come to me, as she will eventually.

or

2. Bring it up with her. Tell her she needs to communicate more. And tell her I can't take someone seriously when they take that long to reply to someone important in their life- and risk coming across as needy.


At the moment I feel like mirroring her level of investment. They withdraw, then I withdraw more until they come back and chase me. The other thing is, we've got a friend's bday tomorrow night when she gets back. And I know she's going to be so happy to see me, she's going to want to jump in my arms.
However in my mind, the slow texting has put me off looking forward to seeing her. I'm no longer looking forward to seeing her because of this, and I feel like telling her if I'm not important enough for you to respond to me within the day, then why should she be important enough for me to bring her to my friend's event?

 

[TomInHo]

Sounds like that is just how she is man

Seems like she still makes time for you when she is in town and even initiated plans for the play. If she was pulling away completely, that would be different, but this just seems like her normal way of interacting because she even behaves this way with family

And didn’t you say you were serious about your goals? So why are you this focused on texting?

If anything you should appreciate you're with a girl that's independent and doesn’t constantly demand your attention. Instead of overanalyzing gaps in communication, you could be using that time to double down on your work and just enjoy the time you spend together when you do meet up

The real move here is to chill out and stop making texting a measure of her love for you. If she’s affectionate in person and still engaged in the relationship, then this is just a difference in communication styles, not a red flag

 

[EasyE]

If anything you should appreciate you're with a girl that's independent and doesn’t constantly demand your attention. Instead of overanalyzing gaps in communication, you could be using that time to double down on your work and just enjoy the time you spend together when you do meet up

You're right.

I guess sometimes I get annoyed because it comes across as disingenuous. I'm not even a big texter myself and I mostly prefer to have space. Guess my style of communication is texting enough til there's closure and then we have silence for a few days. A text, a reply, and then silence.

And didn’t you say you were serious about your goals? So why are you this focused on texting?

I'm only human. Sometimes when it goes on for too long til I get closure, it makes me raise an eyebrow and wonder whats going on. That affects me and my work by extension. In the same way if you think something is up: your girlfriend is going to leave you or cheat on you, there's no way that isn't going to occupy your mind.

The real move here is to chill out and stop making texting a measure of her love for you. If she’s affectionate in person and still engaged in the relationship, then this is just a difference in communication styles, not a red flag

Thanks for the clarification