Girlfriend wants to take the lead

[flyduster90]

So my best female friend and i have fallen for each other. She's one of those 10/10 girls, and she has tons of guys falling for her. Because of that, she has a bunch of failed relationships in the past. As a result, because she likes me alot, but fears losing me and hence, she wants to take things slow . Because of some wierd dating-relationship book that she read, she wants to slowly get sexual over time. She emphasizes that sexual touches and even masturbation is okay in the future, as long as there's no " stick in the hole", because she wants to save her virginity for her future husband. All in all though, in terms of sexual activity, she wants to take the lead.

We decided that it was better for us to take some time to think it over, before starting this relationship. [ This will also be my first relationship, while it's her 4th]
So my question is-
How do i convince her to be comfortable with "putting the stick in the hole"?
She wants to take things slow in the relationship, and lead the sexual part of the relationship- Is this harmful?
Should i agree to go slow, then * Attempt* to put the stick in the hole by hoping we can get carried away with our sexual touches?

Most importantly- What are some important Threads that you think that Chase has created that can give me a better insight on this?


Thanks
Oh, i have read this thread though https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-s ... girlfriend
Which in case you were wondering, why i'm having trouble having her to consent to sex.
I didnt just first date her and pick her up- This is the type of relationship where i treated her like a friend and probably got friendzoned, but because of my flirty nature and how i'm so easy to talk to ( Thanks to spellbinding and the mastery pick up package), she must have chosen to throw me out of the friendzone because of my fundamentals or something... ( We have been best friends for a good 3-4 years).

 

[Richard]

No, don't agree to take things slow if you have an intention of "sticking it in the hole," because it will cause her to mistrust you because you essentially agreed to take things slow only to move faster on your own part.
Verbally, you cannot and should not try to convince her to have sex, you cannot use logic to persuade her thoughts, you have to use action. Don't explain to her the reasons to be comfortable with it, instead, show her through your actions that she can trust you, and allow her to become comfortable with you by relating to her, ultimately mirror her (Chase covers this in an article.)
In my opinion, I have a different approach to the power struggle (women vs men influence in the say in the relationship), and I prefer equality, where I don't always take the lead and neither does the woman. So, it is okay (in my opinion anyway) to allow her to take control of the sexual side of the relationship but you should also actively push forward with it, because, if you let her become the boss in the relationship she'll begin to see you as a weaker, submissive man, however, if you take some control in the sexual aspect she should be more turned on as long as you respect her initial wish (to not stick it right away.)
Besides, going into the relationship, she may say "don't stick it," but during the relationship, when she finds out the type of man you are, when she becomes comfortable with you, she'll definitely open up to it.

 

[trashKENNUT]

So my best female friend and i have fallen for each other. She's one of those 10/10 girls, and she has tons of guys falling for her. Because of that, she has a bunch of failed relationships in the past. As a result, because she likes me alot, but fears losing me and hence, she wants to take things slow . Because of some wierd dating-relationship book that she read, she wants to slowly get sexual over time. She emphasizes that sexual touches and even masturbation is okay in the future, as long as there's no " stick in the hole", because she wants to save her virginity for her future husband. All in all though, in terms of sexual activity, she wants to take the lead.

We decided that it was better for us to take some time to think it over, before starting this relationship. [ This will also be my first relationship, while it's her 4th]
So my question is-
How do i convince her to be comfortable with "putting the stick in the hole"?
She wants to take things slow in the relationship, and lead the sexual part of the relationship- Is this harmful?
Should i agree to go slow, then * Attempt* to put the stick in the hole by hoping we can get carried away with our sexual touches?

Most importantly- What are some important Threads that you think that Chase has created that can give me a better insight on this?

Love to help, but she's really securing you the boyfriend to be husband role.

Yes, i think this girl might be genuine with her and her virginity and she indeed likes you a lot, but she will lose respect for you over time. and i would not risk losing a friendship of 3 to 4 years, unless you want to just give her sex, only a few times and pretend nothing happen.

Zac

 

[Estate]

Here is the dark side of PUA I feel.

Ok, we have a few options here:
1) She is not a virgin, she has slept with previous boyfriends. In this case the point is she's looking to see that you are supportive and OK with it before she will get physical down the road. Being ok with it is the only option but only IF YOU ARE REALLY OK WITH IT. I presume you are not though so....

2) She IS a virgin and is looking to keep her virginity until after marriage. Ok, so here is the dark side of all this which I HATE. Yes, there are ways to manipulate people and women and eventually make her want to sleep with you. There is NLP and just plain manipulation techniques. Sure, these things all exist because people out there use these things... not normal functioning member's of society, but people nonetheless... it seems like you're looking for one of these "tricks" to make her want to sleep with you. Do you really want to be THAT guy? I really don't think you do. This is what gives PUA a bad name. Changing her mind in this instance is literally manipulation and trickery, all the things PUA gets accused of constantly and all the things we try to dispell since we are not those types of guys... right!?!?!??????

3) Whether it's 1, or 2... if YOU cannot wait... it doesn't matter. She's not the one. You're not ok with waiting clearly. Why do you think she is a 10? I you've never had a relationship then I fear this is a case of the "onesies". There are other girls out there man. Also, are YOU a virgin? Have you slept with many women? I think even if guys sleep around they still need at least a few relationships to really be good in bed and I really think this girl is just a fixation for you right now... the mecca of game for you... break her down, make her drop her morals and spread her legs for you.... I just don't like guys into this side of game. Even if you take her virginity... then what? Will you be happy to leave her then and continue gaming? Do you think you'll marry this FIRST relationship and never have any regrets later?
I really think you should go meet other girls... that's just my opinion though so it is what it is.

 

[flyduster90]

Here is the dark side of PUA I feel.

Ok, we have a few options here:
1) She is not a virgin, she has slept with previous boyfriends. In this case the point is she's looking to see that you are supportive and OK with it before she will get physical down the road. Being ok with it is the only option but only IF YOU ARE REALLY OK WITH IT. I presume you are not though so....

2) She IS a virgin and is looking to keep her virginity until after marriage. Ok, so here is the dark side of all this which I HATE. Yes, there are ways to manipulate people and women and eventually make her want to sleep with you. There is NLP and just plain manipulation techniques. Sure, these things all exist because people out there use these things... not normal functioning member's of society, but people nonetheless... it seems like you're looking for one of these "tricks" to make her want to sleep with you. Do you really want to be THAT guy? I really don't think you do. This is what gives PUA a bad name. Changing her mind in this instance is literally manipulation and trickery, all the things PUA gets accused of constantly and all the things we try to dispell since we are not those types of guys... right!?!?!??????

3) Whether it's 1, or 2... if YOU cannot wait... it doesn't matter. She's not the one. You're not ok with waiting clearly. Why do you think she is a 10? I you've never had a relationship then I fear this is a case of the "onesies". There are other girls out there man. Also, are YOU a virgin? Have you slept with many women? I think even if guys sleep around they still need at least a few relationships to really be good in bed and I really think this girl is just a fixation for you right now... the mecca of game for you... break her down, make her drop her morals and spread her legs for you.... I just don't like guys into this side of game. Even if you take her virginity... then what? Will you be happy to leave her then and continue gaming? Do you think you'll marry this FIRST relationship and never have any regrets later?
I really think you should go meet other girls... that's just my opinion though so it is what it is.

First of all, i want to thank everyone who commented so far. Okay,
1) I am okay with what she's proposing.
2) You are clearly right- i am definitely not those type of the guys who manipulate women, However, I also do not want her to lose respect for me over time. I think having sex in a relationship can do wonders , such as preventing her from being in a dry spell, hence * having secret affairs to have those spells released*. It can also show that you are a more powerful , and different man. Her previous relationships have never put the stick in the hole too, and i would assume that because they do not have the abundance mentality, they will do anything to keep my best friend in a relationship-- even if it means suppressing their sexuality. This causes her to lose interest and respect,( exactly what previous posters has said) and makes the relationship break. Of course, how she broke up with her previous relationships are all speculation at my part, but i want to let you, and the rest of the viewers know that i am just trying to keep the relationship alive, and what more way is to enhance a relationship better than sexual pleasure?
3)Before reading this point, this may not have relevance to the question at hand
She's a 10 because i learned to like her over time. We actually kissed a year ago, but i decided it wasn't right, and she quickly moved on. Now that the year has passed, I still managed to break out of the Friendzone, and we're contemplating getting in a relationship. But on one catch : She takes the lead in the sexual relationship. I guess breaking out of the friendzone has it's disadvantages: It sets you up as a boyfriend/husband role. she even told me that she thinks i'm her last....

All in all, i just want a succesful relationship til marriage. She is a great candidate as a "wife material", so i dont mind getting there. That's why i created this topic. To see if you experienced people can give an insightful response, telling me the merits of both sides ( To have sex or not to have sex) or that if you have stumbled a great GC article that i could have missed that resolves Directly this problem, it would be cool. This is also my first relationship, so i am ready for it to crash, but i would like to learn from this relationship.