Girls auto-rejecting and then they HATE ME.

[kristian]

There is an interesting phenomenon I am starting to experience lately, girls being real bitches the times I fail to move forward.

As my fundamentals have become better, so is the amount of interest I get. Some of these girls are also really cute as well, and I am often good at recognizing it and moving forward.

I have been at a couple of coffeehouses and bars lately, and I treat these girls like I always do; I flirt a little and sometimes befriend them. I haven't asked any of these girls on a date, because these places are in my neighborhood (I dont want to start dating women who works on the local bars). But I often number-close female guests as many of them dont live nearby and it will not lead to any negative consequences if I fail.

But what I have seen is that if I start flirting with these bartenders/baristas and for some reason dont close the deal, some become very angry and bitter towards me. The smiles and initial warmth I got before, turns into icy receptions. They really hate my guts.

Last Thursday I went up to the local bar with a friend and started chatting up the bartender. I flirted and talked to her for about 3-minutes before my friend asked me if we wanted to take a seat. I excused myself and she looked a little shocked. When I returned to ask if I could buy an apple, she yelled at me for not having cash (I wanted to pay with card), almost threw it at me and started telling the other bartender to "not serve me" because I was intoxicated (which I wasn't).

And theres another girl I met at a coffee house nearby that now is extremely cold and aloof towards me after I failed to talk to her a couple of months ago. She was expecting me to approach when she finished her shift, but I did not make a move, and after that she hates my guts.

Could this be that these type of girls feel rejected? I am confused cos why do they hate me for just being flirtatious and nice, but not wanting to cross that line? I feel like the last girl has warned the other girls that work there against me, and after that little incident I feel not welcome to that place anymore. Any advice/insights would be helpful.

 

[WayOfHand]

Hey man,

Seems like you are able to generate some insane amounts of attraction! Almost too much, if this is the reaction you get when you bail on them. Might wan't to tone some of it down with girls you aren't expecting to close. Still its only few cases and mayby you ejecting from them just enhanced a bad day they were having?

But still the reason they hate you is because they go into auto-rejection. The harsher it is the more hopes and dreams they had in the first place and the faster you amped it up. Below is at least one article about emotional cresting that is quite interesting. Also check articles on auto-rejection. You miss the escalation window and autorejection happens. You can prevent this by toning down your sexiness and amping up attainability, giving you longer windows.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/emoti ... how-use-it

 

[kristian]

- radeng

Allow me to give you a short report about the interactions with these girls.

Girl at bar: Blonde, from northern Norway. Not that attractive, but she was staying in the bar just staring blankly at the dancefloor.
Me: Hey, you look like youre bored.
Her: I am. Today hasnt been a good day, almost no costumers so far.
Me: (Smiling a bit and looking straight into her eyes). I guess we are the first costumers then. I love this music.
Her: (Smiling back and started talking a bit more) I am new here so I dont have that much experience.

Then I started guessing were she was from (her dialect is different from Oslo's. She was clearly flirting, smiling and enjoying our conversation.

My friend: After watching us talk for 3 - 4 minutes. - Hey, are we going to the couch or what?
Me: Yes, im coming right now.

The girl seem a little surprised by me leaving. But I just went away.

A little later on (20 minutes after our conversation) I wanted to buy an apple.

Me: Do you have some fruits I can buy?
Her: Yes but you need some cash.

I was looking confused then and said I did not have any, but I could use my debit card. Then she SNAPS. And start yelling at me. "You need to buy this!" followed by "Just take it, OKAY?"

I was very confused and just wanted to leave that interaction. Other guests saw the whole thing and just went "whats wrong with this girl"... I left the bar after dancing 30 minutes.

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The cute barista:

I was wanting to buy a cortado (a type of coffee). And started talking about her. She took my bait.

Me: So where are you from?

Her: I am from norther norway. A place called helgelandskysten.
Me: Where is that?
Her: (Testing me) Ehhm... Where northern norway is?
Me: No helgelandskysten.
Her: Smiling. Its not so far from Bodø, actually.

Then we had some nice eye contact. I said thank you. She said thank you and I sat down at a couch nearby.

Then her shift is over, but she is still hanging around, talking to her colleagues. But she is also casting glances at me. I was a little shocked, because I did not expect her giving me that kind of look. (Like I want you to continue talking to me). But her friends were there and I did not want to risk rejection in front of them. So I did nothing and just kept doing my thing.

Next week I went to the same coffee house. Cute barista was serving there. I went to buy from her.

Me: So hows your day so far.
She: (Cold and aloof): It has been okay. Heres your coffee.
Me: (Confused): Well, thank you.
Her:.... (No response), she started taking the other costumers order.

Then I just started a conversation with a girl nearby to make cute barista like me again (by flirting and having some form of pre-selection).

And then next time I went to the same coffee house, BAM! She is colder than ever, avoiding my eye contact. A week ago she past by me on the street, I tried to smile but she looked coldly at me.

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So there it is. Maybe some of you guys can give me some advice cos these girls are really fast at pulling the hate-trigger. I am not different than I use to be with normal girls. But these two; man I dont know, but its seems hard to game those kind of girls.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

This is a good problem to have, Kristian.

I used to think I was gaming girls badly, but when I realized it was attainability, then I started taking it less personally and instead focused on her.

If you're going to abruptly leave a girl, let her know you'll be back and touch her lightly and then look at her very passionately. Like when a girl tells you "hey I'll be right back okay?!" and convinces you that she will actually come back (and sometimes she does; higher percentage of the time than when a girl does it really abrubtly).

If you really can't get their number, tell them you'll see them tomorrow or later on in the night. But it's much better to get their number - tell the barista that you'd love to see her again and to write down her number on a napkin (or just say it out loud).

With the bartender

1. You friend sucks; don't hangout with these friends. if my buddy is chatting up the bartender, I leave him alone. The only times when friends have cockblocked me and I forgave them is if I was legitimately being an asshole (like not playing our pool game cuz I got distracted by a bittie). Other times I definitely remember it and make sure not to rely on them to be clutch in social situations.

2. Stay there and drink your beer; chat her up, get her number, etc.

3. Come get shots later on and order them directly from her, maybe even offer her one

But ya, don't hangout with socially unaware peeps. It may sound selfish, but THEY are the value drainers (and you may feel guilty cutting them off at first and make defenses for them, I know I have, but you really should let them go; they just hold you back).

Hector

 

[kristian]

- Hector

I see it the same way as you. He really sucks. Right after I had that incident with the bartender, he started talking to a group of friends. I was dancing then, but later I wanted to talk the girls he was talking to. He showed them some of the logos he wanted to use for his business and I felt that I wanted to be included. He did not even introduce me to the group and ignored me completely, making me feel like a total clown because these girls kept giving me cold stares like "Who is this guy trying to interrupt us?". They did not know that I was with him.

I guess a lot of this comes from plain jealousy. Before those busts, I was having fun approaching some women. I got good reactions too (I only care about results, but I was warming up). So I believe he got threatened by this. The thing is that he is still trying to invite me to outings, but I dont want to hang out with him. I have pals almost lining up to meet me now that I have worked HARD to become valuable, so I dont need to waste time on bad friends to be honest.

He could just do like me. Work HARD and put himself out there and maybe after some time he could become intermediate at this. (I am year in and I am only beginning to see some success). But I guess people only talk and say they wanna get good with women and social arts.