Girls I try to befriend disrespecting/getting too comfortable with me

[andersen09]

Hear me out.

There are girls where they are fun to be around, so I never go after them, rather just want to befriend them.


I see the signs, when I ask her to move with me to a park nearby the school, she follows. When I tell her let's go by the swing and chill, she follows.
But honestly, sometimes I just want to be spontaneous with some of these girls and just keep them around as friends, not make a move on them.
Without an intention to seduce.
With this in mind, I'll just treat them as friends that I see just playfully and never get really serious.

And therefore, I naturally pass the time windows.


But I've noticed a trend with these girls that I have no attraction for but THEY had attraction for ME in the beginning.
I was hoping they'd just be cool with me and be friends with.
They start treating me almost like a "shopping" friend, or doesn't take me seriously anymore.
This doesn't happen with the girls I really get with.
But it happens ALL THE TIME, with girls that I'm not attracted to BUT just PLAYFUL with all the time.


Like today after class, I was walking with this girl. And I see that she was in a bitchy mood.
I didn't really care since, well, I really don't. I just wanted to have a convo.

Anyway, she's like "I'm just feeling bitchy today"
Me: "Aw, I'm sorry to hear that"
Her: She just randomly sits somewhere.
Me: I probably should've just kept walking, but because my uber was so close, I naturally sat next to her.
Her: Okay, my friend is here, see ya. And then she has the NERVE to PAT MY HEAD, and say bye.
Me: (Taken off guard) Don't do that.
Her: Laughs, gives me a hug, and leaves.

This is getting frustrating, as it's happening with only the girls that I never make a move with. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN MAKING A MOVE AND JUST WANT TO BEFRIEND THESE GIRLS WHO HAVE PLAYFUL AND ENJOY FUN BANTER.
Yet, they start treating me almost like a little kid, and it's enraging.
I actually went off on a girl prior.

She said something like in a text

Her: I'm busy, SHOO.
Me: I've had enough. The fuck is wrong with you? Ever since I tried to be cool with you and be nice to you, you start treating me like a kid. You can't be this much of an idiot.
Her: What? okay... thanks I guess...

And it became really fucking awkward.

I think it comes down to two things.

I never really have a serious conversation with these types of girls.
1. All I do is either BANTER, stay PLAYFUL, or just joking around. And they start to see that I shouldn't be taken serious.
2. They think because I don't make a move, they start to think of me as a bitch? (Oh he's scared to make a move)

When in fact, I would NEVER go for girls like that. I see ALL the escalation windows but pass over it.

How is it possible to make friends with girls who were priorly attracted to you? But you just want to remain friends. BUT still maintain respect with them?
It's getting REALLY frustrating, especially with YOUNGER women that treats me almost like a little kid or a puppy.

 

[Smurf]

Sounds like either you're not being honest with your intent, you're coming off as too friendly, or you're sending these girls deep into auto-rejection because of lack of attainability.

Even if you have no intent to get with a girl, there's still such a thing as too nice still. Girls will still put you in that position and treat you like a child. Still try and maintain most of your persona even when you're not interested romantically.

If you're coming off too high value, these girls could see the chance to demean you to maintain ego. The value difference would be quite noticeable here though so be honest if you think that's the reason.

Most likely you're not being honest with what you really want from these girls. If you're not trying to take them to bed but still want interest from them, you still need to be THAT guy. You still need to be on your game. Live your game, don't turn it on and off.

Let me know if that helps.

Jake

 

[andersen09]

Sounds like either you're not being honest with your intent, you're coming off as too friendly, or you're sending these girls deep into auto-rejection because of lack of attainability.

Even if you have no intent to get with a girl, there's still such a thing as too nice still. Girls will still put you in that position and treat you like a child. Still try and maintain most of your persona even when you're not interested romantically.

If you're coming off too high value, these girls could see the chance to demean you to maintain ego. The value difference would be quite noticeable here though so be honest if you think that's the reason.

Most likely you're not being honest with what you really want from these girls. If you're not trying to take them to bed but still want interest from them, you still need to be THAT guy. You still need to be on your game. Live your game, don't turn it on and off.

Let me know if that helps.

Jake

This gives me some clarity to the situations.

I've had girls that would treat me like a kid. And then when I'm flirting with a girl I do like, they become EXTREMELY bitchy.

"Ew, why the fuck did you do your hair like that today? It looks so fucking Asian"
But it's the same hairstyle the hotter ones love and the same hair they used to say, I love your hair.

"Bye doggy!"

Playfully but demeaning.

And you're 100% right, I just realized subconsciously I turn my persona off and on. With girls that I'm not attracted to, I'm OVERLY nice and playful, so that they don't see me as a "sexual guy". But with girls I like, I naturally challenge and hold them to a higher standard.

This is the same girl.

She told me DIRECTLY.

Her: "Yeah I kind of had a mini crush on you when I saw you.."
Me: (In my head: uhhhhh fuck, just ignore and move forward)

And the next day, it was the same girl to say "I act like a bitch" and proceeded on to pat me on my head and say bye! almost like a dog.

So she either perceived that as me not "having balls to make a move" or "Rejection cause of value" thing. Me intentionally was to look too friendly and not deal with those escalation windows to come off as a friend, but I think I have a wrong idea of being friends with a girl. Being friends could mean the guy that's "orbiting around" the girl, or he just "friend" zones her. And I never really saw the point of "friend zoning" a girl.

I think all of your points are solid.
I rarely, have these problems with the girls that I myself take seriously. But when I don't take girls seriously, it's almost a reflection of how I treat these women.

1. I come off too friendly, because I do want platonic friendly relationship with certain girls.
2. Coming off too nice - and start "treating me like a child"
3. Because they can sense that I'd never date them? They see the change to try and demean my ego.

It's a grey area between, "coming off too nice but faking my real persona" I think. And they catch that on somehow that I'm just being overly nice to them but not taking them seriously and get their ego bruised or something.

Thanks alot Jake. I've been trying to rack my head around this problem for a while now.

So the real question should be, I do want girlfriends as friends, but how to I do that with girls if they are attracted to me? is it even possible?

I've tried two methods.

1. Know that they're attracted to me, but don't make a move. -> They become hostile and very rude.
2. Try to be "Overly friendly" so they're not attracted to me and just see me as a guy that's platonic with no sexual value -> They treat me like a kid?

Can men and women be friends?