Girls in dance class

[Lantern]

So, I'm out fresh out of a looooong term relationship and quite a bit rusty in game, not that I was ever a master, and need a bit of help.

Back while I was still in a relationship, I started taking a dance class with my ex, and it was great. It was on pause because of COVID, and now it's started again and I've continued. I should point out my ex is not attending, nor do I expect her too.

Anyway, in my new class 90% of the people are new to me, and there are a couple of cute girls. I can say my fundamentals are pretty good, and I think I might have spoted an IOI here and there as well already from some of the women.

So, getting a new GF from one of these girls is something I'm confident I could do if I wanted to (assuming one of these girls are available), but that's not my question. My question is how to get with 2+ girls from this class, without causing a scandal and ruining dance class for myself?

So two questions, really:
1. From the seduction point of view, what's the best approach? I was thinking: a) be a cool, social, high-value guy in class and b) isolate and escalate (after class, at dances, etc.) ie. get the girl outside of a group setting at some point, and game normally.
2. What should I keep in mind so I don't end up sleeping with a girl and, even if things don't move on to something more, not make things awkward in class after and also leave open the possibility to have sex with more then one. I'm especially wary as some of these girls are on the younger side (early 20s) so might not be too mature and therefore prone to drama.

Any advice appreciated.

P.S. For all the guys here: learn some partner dance. Not so much to pick up chicks there (that's a possible bonus) but few things will teach you how to lead a woman like learning to lead well in dance.

 

[Regal Tiger]

So, I'm out fresh out of a looooong term relationship and quite a bit rusty in game, not that I was ever a master, and need a bit of help.

Back while I was still in a relationship, I started taking a dance class with my ex, and it was great. It was on pause because of COVID, and now it's started again and I've continued. I should point out my ex is not attending, nor do I expect her too.

Anyway, in my new class 90% of the people are new to me, and there are a couple of cute girls. I can say my fundamentals are pretty good, and I think I might have spoted an IOI here and there as well already from some of the women.

So, getting a new GF from one of these girls is something I'm confident I could do if I wanted to (assuming one of these girls are available), but that's not my question. My question is how to get with 2+ girls from this class, without causing a scandal and ruining dance class for myself?

So two questions, really:
1. From the seduction point of view, what's the best approach? I was thinking: a) be a cool, social, high-value guy in class and b) isolate and escalate (after class, at dances, etc.) ie. get the girl outside of a group setting at some point, and game normally.
2. What should I keep in mind so I don't end up sleeping with a girl and, even if things don't move on to something more, not make things awkward in class after and also leave open the possibility to have sex with more then one. I'm especially wary as some of these girls are on the younger side (early 20s) so might not be too mature and therefore prone to drama.

Any advice appreciated.

P.S. For all the guys here: learn some partner dance. Not so much to pick up chicks there (that's a possible bonus) but few things will teach you how to lead a woman like learning to lead well in dance.

A few questions:

What kind of dance is it?

What is your current skill level with it?

What are the venues looking like?



What I used to do was this:

I liked swing dance events. 90% of the women that show up will only be there for a class or two and never show up again until like a year later, or if it's a bigger event (like holiday events and etc.) Most of them will be new. I also used to teach ballroom and swing, so I know what I'm doing on the dance floor and my personal style revolved around this heavily.

I'd basically just order girls to do this or that so that they could dance better. Between that I'd do some light get-to-know-you chit chat and some teases here and there. And if I felt a bite I would invite them to get some water with me to take a break. From there you can start angling for a date.


As for the girls that can actually dance, a lot of them in my experience usually already had a man (but again, this was swing-specific, latin is a completely different animal and it could just be where I personally learned all this). Not much point in trying to game them.


As for the guys and girls who weren't interested; just be friendly. Try to dance with everyone. Extra points if you have the balls to dance with another guy. If you're good enough to be a decent follow you can play it up a little bit as something extra fun (and to showcase that you're the real deal because not many people will be competent at lead or follow, fewer still at both), but you're playing more to the crowd here than anything just to get some social points rather than attraction points directly. Having said that, you can use it to showcase some authority which you can then use that to get some attraction going.

 

[Lantern]

It's swing, actually. I'm an intermediate but I haven't danced in 2 years, so it will take some time to come back to the old skill level.

I have a class once a week, and that's about 20 or so people who come regularly, plus there's usually a small dance event once per week as well in a bar, where people come in various number. I haven't been there yet, but plan to go whenever I can. I assume as COVID dies down, other events might start as well, but my main area of interest is my regular dance class and the girls there.

 

[Regal Tiger]

It's swing, actually. I'm an intermediate but I haven't danced in 2 years, so it will take some time to come back to the old skill level.

I have a class once a week, and that's about 20 or so people who come regularly, plus there's usually a small dance event once per week as well in a bar, where people come in various number. I haven't been there yet, but plan to go whenever I can. I assume as COVID dies down, other events might start as well, but my main area of interest is my regular dance class and the girls there.

Nice! Swing is fun

If you're an intermediate dancer then I'd suggest making sure you have a ROCK-SOLID frame. Then kinda use it with the newer women to teach them their frame. Plus, frame is everything in dancing. One of the cooleset things in my opinion about dancing is that a woman who is brand new to dancing can dance with the best guy and look like the best dancer IF she has a great dancing frame. Sadly, us guys don't get the same effect. If the girl we are with is shit then there's nothing that we can do other than teach her proper frame. Which is what I always do with anybody, guy or girl who wants to learn some dancing stuff from me. Because without a good frame then there is no dance. There's only flailing to the music while walking around lol

Which, by the way, your dancing frame needs to be firm but not overbearing. It's the woman's job to maintain the distance that she's comfortable with and it's the guys job to lead the dance (she does this by pushing away from you just a little bit to create resistance). One of the funnier images you can create in your head is that the guy is saying "hey baby, come here" with his arms and hands. Meanwhile the girl is saying "hmmm maaaayyybe but I dunno just yet" with hers. She's not saying no, but she is saying not yet. So she gently resists but isn't shoving him away because she wants him to know she likes him, but it's just a little fast for her is all.

If her arms are weak and noodly then it won't work. If she lays her arms on top of yours then she's a 'heavy' dancer and the dance will be exhausting. She needs to gently rest her arm on top of yours and the other needs to be up against you with whatever she's comfortable with. Some people say the upper arm (but I'm taller so I usually say hey, that's going to hurt your shoulder so I advise them to move to the chest instead, which is actually good for them but also helps me out too lmao). All that matters is the connection
--> also, I say upper arm/chest for closed dancing position. Open position you'll be holding hands, for lack of a better term. But even in open position there's still that little bit of resistance

As for your dancing frame, you need to have a firm grasp of her back (shoulder blade usually works best). No hesitant, Jr. High Me-style touching will work here lol. No finger tip bs either. Your hand needs to firmly rest on her back so that you can guide her, firmly (cannot repeat this word enough). Then your left hand, depending on which style of swing, needs also firmly give a little bit of resistance against her.

In addition, I'd suggest learning how to properly lead a girl with her eyes closed and with only one finger from each hand touching (although only the basic dance and go slow). This forces them to pay attention to the dancing connection. But you have to be good enough to do this yourself, plus you can't be in a crowded area (hint hint, let's get some water and I'll show you something real quick that I can't show you since it's crowded and you may get hurt that will tremendously help your dancing) <-- all true and all helps with the purpose of getting a woman more isolated to talk to her and possibly get her out on a date.


But, if your class is a bunch of regulars you may have a harder time seducing anyone. You didn't mention how long you've been going so it could be that the same people are showing up now and won't be later, could be the area you're in or even the class itself in the city (all things I don't know for sure).

As for the regulars, they're harder to game typically. Part of my personal experience coulda been that I came off a littler player-ish, part of it could be that they're more there to be seen or even have a man already etc. etc. I can only say what I've seen in a few different areas that I've danced

Having said that, the bigger the classes are the more 'incestous' the relationships tend to be between the dancers (as in everybody will eventually get around to dating everybody). You'll get this a lot with Latin dancing where there are typically more people. But my knowledge of that personally is only second/third-hand. So I can only tell ya what I've heard. But from little I've personally seen it seems to be true.



Lastly, always go to the events. That's where you're going to actually be able to pick up in. The classes are just kinda... meh...

I know you said your main focus are the classes but I'm gonna tell you, these are harder. They don't have the same kind of energy that the events will have that makes picking up easier. You can do it, but it's not as good and you're kinda setting yourself up for an uphill battle my man

If they have them, I'd suggest going to the classes right before the event (not sure if your area does this, but the ones I've been to have done this) and then sticking around for the event itself. That way you can 'teach' somebody. It also gives you the chance to learn if the girl you want plans on sticking around for the event or just the class (not everyone does). Meaning you can catch some girls you'd otherwise miss out on as well as pick up multiple times without fear of girls seeing you picking up other girls.


Then there's the issue of girls seeing you picking up other girls. Solution: add everybody to Instagram or whatever. Including guys. If they seem remotely interesting then be like 'oh you seem cool, let's add each other on IG!'. Then you can actually seed a date with the girls you are truly interested in while just kinda letting it be friends only with everybody else. Kinda gives you plausible deniability. But make sure you're seen adding guys too (if the event is smaller, if it's bigger you can sometimes get away with just slipping away into a dark corner with a girl and double checking no other girls you are picking up see you).




FINAL[?] EDIT: Damn.... I haven't danced in like a year, and even then it was just every once in a great while... stupid lockdowns and vaccine nonsense :/

Should probably check to see if they've eased up on that bullshit now. Kinda wanna dance now lmao

 

[Lantern]

Well, that's quit the answer, thanks Regal!

So, I've been in this particular class for only 2 weeks now. What happened was that after the COVID break, from my old group only two other people were interested in continuing, and since we all could use a refresher, the teachers put us together with a beginner group that started about half a year ago, I think. I would expect that most people who are in the class now will continue to be so at least until the summer break.

But I think you're right, the events will be where an opportunity for something might happen, I'll be sure to attend those in the future, both for the dancing and the girls.

 

[Derek da man]

I've been dancing ballroom, salsa, bachata and kizomba for around 4-5 years now. I've done a little Cerco/modern jive but not got into really. They are both social circle type of events although very different crowds at each. Ballroom is usually much older where as the others are much younger which means there are many more opportunities although I've had success at ballroom too.

I'd say @Regal Tiger has given you a pretty good summary some nice nuances too.

1. From the seduction point of view, what's the best approach? I was thinking: a) be a cool, social, high-value guy in class and b) isolate and escalate (after class, at dances, etc.) ie. get the girl outside of a group setting at some point, and game normally.

Agree with being social and high value. If you're looking to pull from a class then you need to be discrete so when asking them for a drink I usually set the frame that we don't want to become the next topic of gossip which tells her that you understand discretion and won't damage her reputation.
If you're at a dance festival/event/etc I always book a room for myself in, or very near the venue in order that you can pull discretely. As @Regal Tiger said the girls at the daytime classes can be different to those that come to the evening. Unless you can pull a girl from class there and then you are probably just going to get a number for later. Those that go to the evening events are often looking to pull that night. In particular look out for girls that come on their own, often from out of town. This doesn't apply to all of them, but a high proportion so make sure you're screening them from the get go as they will be easy pickings. That doesn't mean you can't go for others and collect phone numbers but those that are from out of town won't be worrying about reputation and gossip in the next class.

2. What should I keep in mind so I don't end up sleeping with a girl and, even if things don't move on to something more, not make things awkward in class after and also leave open the possibility to have sex with more then one. I'm especially wary as some of these girls are on the younger side (early 20s) so might not be too mature and therefore prone to drama.

Most girls will screen you in the same way you screen them, they will ask you if you have a girlfriend. My response is "I'm not really boyfriend material as I'm always out dancing" said with a small smile. This implies that you are highly social and undersand social circle, but more importantly it tells her you're not likely to be looking at her as a girl friend either. This can be a positive if you're looking to keep it casual, but would work against you if you're looking for a new girl friend. Works well for me though.

P.S. For all the guys here: learn some partner dance. Not so much to pick up chicks there (that's a possible bonus) but few things will teach you how to lead a woman like learning to lead well in dance.

I'd agree with this as it gives you a whole new confidence to approach, dance and connect with girls very quickly. However, if you're not passionate about dancing then it will come through, in which case this probably isn't for guys as an easy option.

 

[Lantern]

An update and another question.

So, gentlemen, things are looking good.

This week I had class again, and just after there was a small dancing event. Basically, a bar where they cleared the tables to make room for the dancefloor, music playing and about 30 people from the scene came to dance, quite a few from my class, so I got to finally get to know everybody and everybody got to know me. And, well, quite a few of the girls seem to enjoy getting to know me. Good fundamentals and a bit of conversation skill is really magic. I think I have several prospects when it comes to girls.

Anyway, here's my question. Let's say I end up getting with a girl from class, but I want to keep the relationship casual. The usual advice is to see her no more then once per week. However, I would be seeing her once a week at class, plus here and there on dance events, so what would the right approach be in relation to meeting up with her outside of class to keep that "I'm not looking for something serious" subtext?

 

[Derek da man]

This week I had class again, and just after there was a small dancing event. Basically, a bar where they cleared the tables to make room for the dancefloor, music playing and about 30 people from the scene came to dance, quite a few from my class, so I got to finally get to know everybody and everybody got to know me. And, well, quite a few of the girls seem to enjoy getting to know me. Good fundamentals and a bit of conversation skill is really magic. I think I have several prospects when it comes to girls.

Excellent news - you can see why I like my different dance classes

In my opinion, seeing her in class is no more than that, it basically doesn't count, even if you go to the social after as long as you circulate around the room equally and don't spend significantly more time with her. If you then go home with her or do something exclusive after, then would that count. Personally I tend to extend how often I see a girl outside of class towards once every couple of weeks.

Also I try and work into the conversation about being discrete around the "dance circle/community" to protect my reputaion, said with a smile so she knows I'm also referring to her reputation too. I follow this with an example where I chatted to a girl for 20 minutes one night, and then at the next class 3 people from different sets all asked me if I took her home - I'm like "she got me a reputation!" said with a bit of humor. This communicates that you don't want your relationship to be public, which means she'll see it more as casual, she also knows you won't try and damage her reputation, and lastly that she is less likely to cause any drama at an event. A win all round in my book.

 

[Lantern]

Good points, Derek. I was thinking along the same lines.

Keep it more business-like in class and events. Ask out subtly, and (sub)communicate that we should keep things discreet.

And if drama does break out accidently, fuck it, life's too short to worry about that too much

 

[Lantern]

Well, banged a 20-year old girl from class last night, sticking to what we talked about above.

Very hot, and it turned out she's a freaking nympho. Might write a proper LR.

I'm 34 btw. This is my first lay after the brake-up of my 11 year LTR. Feelin' pretty good about life at the moment haha.

 

[trashKENNUT]

2. What should I keep in mind so I don't end up sleeping with a girl and, even if things don't move on to something more, not make things awkward in class after and also leave open the possibility to have sex with more then one. I'm especially wary as some of these girls are on the younger side (early 20s) so might not be too mature and therefore prone to drama

I'm sure you don't need more advice.

I was a dance trainer. A dance trainer vs a dance trainee with other dance trainees are 2 completely different things.

If you are too discrete with a dance trainee while you are a dance trainer, she will be upset because you must understand that you ultimately hold the power in the dance studio.

Be more warmth, towards her if you are the Trainer. Not so warmth to her when you are the trainee. Your goal as a trainee is more of discreet and/or achieve a higher goal of play (dance) which then leads to sex. lolx.

z@c+

 

[Lantern]

Well, gents, the plot thickens.

I think I might have screwed up a good thing, I guess I'm quite rusty, but here's the situation:

The 20 y.o. from my previous post and I saw each other two more times after the first bang. Once she also came over and we had some awesome sex. The third one was for a shorter time, where we just hung out a bit made out but she didn't want to have sex (saying she had to leave early as she had work in the morning).

After the first two times, I drove her home (a 15 minute drive for me). When she was about to leave the third time, I said I'd call her a cab, which ended up being a thing, she made a fuss about how I wont drive her home, and in the end called a cab herself.

Last week I had to leave town and tonight we saw each other again at class, and she was quite cold. I managed to get out of her that she was angry because I didn't text while I was out of town. She stayed cold throughout the evening and would answer my questions very shortly and sarcastically.

Not sure how to take it from here. The reason I didn't text was I didn't want to give too much of a boyfriend vibe. Was that a mistake?
To be frank, my breakup is still fresh, and I'm not up for something to more serious. On the other hand, I quite like her, even to hang out.

Do I invite her to meet in a few days to talk this out? Or just take a soft next approach? I have a feeling the latter will be counter-productive, considering the issue seems to be she doesn't think I care enough about her, or maybe that she feel I just wanted to do a pump-and-dump with her. The slightly confusing thing is that she was VERY sexual with me very early on, I had zero issues in pulling her home, zero ASD, etc. I was under the impression she was interested primarily in a sexual relationship and not much more...

 

[Fuck This]

First - YOU do YOU....Don't try to interpret her reasoning for drama. If she doesn't want to comply with what you are doing, then someone else will. you have proven you can bed attractive girls even after 11 years out of the game...NEXT!

Now, if you are worried about the social consequences, don't be. It makes her look bad that she jumped in the sack with you and couldn't tie you down...she won't be telling that tale. It can happen even if you DON'T sleep with a woman...

 

[trashKENNUT]

Not sure how to take it from here. The reason I didn't text was I didn't want to give too much of a boyfriend vibe. Was that a mistake?
To be frank, my breakup is still fresh, and I'm not up for something to more serious. On the other hand, I quite like her, even to hang out.

Do I invite her to meet in a few days to talk this out? Or just take a soft next approach?

Just soft next. Don't talk it thru.

Because if you do, she will start thinking that you actually like her as a girlfriend, which isn't what you did.

Now, if you are worried about the social consequences, don't be. It makes her look bad that she jumped in the sack with you and couldn't tie you down...she won't be telling that tale. It can happen even if you DON'T sleep with a woman.

Don't worry about the social consequences.

When you meet her at dance class, say hello like an old friend and then go back your business in the class.

If she starts firing nukes, and the class thinks that you are a normal guy, most people will be like 'woah, she didn't have to do that'. Most people in a society will even defend you if women starts going berserk in a social setting and you are just being cool with everyone.

z@c+

As @Fuck This noted, it happens even when you don't sleep with her. I have had two physically unblessed women, who are old acquaintances, joke that I meet too many girls because I didn't remember their names. And they said it publicly. I just smile. Because the people around us were just going about their business and we all are catching up on each other. They heard what the 2 girls said, very clearly.

...

This is the same essence why female have a love hate relationship with feminism, wAhmen eMpoWahment and the 21th century.

Every female I met. They hate what things has become. They can't admit when they are younger. They definitely feel disillusioned as they get older (wiser)

 

[Derek da man]

...she won't be telling that tale.

or at least very unlikely, if she has any social awareness she won't say anything. If she has no social awareness she may say something but other people will pick up on this and realise she is out of order, as long as you handle it with polite confidence.

Because if you do, she will start thinking that you actually like her as a girlfriend, which isn't what you did.

When you meet her at dance class, say hello like an old friend and then go back your business in the class.

agree with both of these, be warm and friendly to her, ask her how she is etc exactly as you would to anyone else in the class/group but be ready to move on and chat with others fairly promptly. It's possible that she is trying to get you to chase her, when you don't she will understand that she either plays the game your way or you will move on to others. Then the choice is hers as to whether she wants to hang out or not.

 

[Lantern]

Thanks for the advice guys, it makes sense to me.

I'm not that worried about the social effects, I don't even think she'll make it a problem.

I do like her and would like to salvage this if possible and keep it going as a casual thing, even potentially semi-casual/semi-serious, if she turns out to be as cool as these first impressions so far.

I should point out that yesterday we were surrounded by others most of the time and didn't have much private time to talk about this or get a proper vibe.

I'm not sure should I just go radio silence up to our next meeting, or maybe shoot a text in a day or two to ask her to hang out, without mentioning anything, like I would the same even if this didn't happen, then see how she reacts, ie. refuses/agrees but comes and pouts/or is over this and we go back to how it was. I don't want to chase, as that might kill the thing for sure, but maybe if she just wanted to pout at me a bit and is now over it, if I don't make any move for a whole week, that might seal the deal in a bad way.

If she refuses, well, that's that, go as you recommend.

If she comes and pouts and I can try to get a good vibe going and spike her attraction, or at worst, I might tell her outright I'm not into anything serious right now considering my recent breakup, and she can decide if that's ok for her or not.

If she comes and all is well, great.

 

[Fuck This]

Don't go into a situation where she has the opportunity to reject you. Initiating contact would set you up where she determines the outcome. let her come to you. You can demonstrate you are open to it through your body language, eye contact facial expression, but she has to get over herself. If she does, reward it by telling her her feelings are certainly valid, however you have chosen to remain unattached for the foreseeable future, and you value her in your life, at what ever level she feels comfortable with.

What is validation?​

Validating is giving another person a direct and clear message that their experience is understandable, real, and logical, given what has happened. By validating people’s emotions and feelings, you can prevent conflicts, create more mutual understanding, and develop harmonious relationships. In my experience, empathy and sincere validation are some of the most connecting powers in a relationship. Moreover, it is also essential to validate yourself. Self-validation helps to reduce internal conflicts and increase your sense of inner security and wellbeing.

 

[Derek da man]

One thing that girls really don't like is being made to feel like you don't care, or she's done something wrong or that she has no value to you. Allowing her to have some value and letting her know that you like and value her company etc mean she feels worthy of your time and she can then allow herself to see you again.

As long as you are clear that while you're not looking for a "relationship" you're still going to be friends with her and aren't going to just ignore her she'll probably be happy with that - for now anyway. She will probably keep pushing slight towards boyfriend territory but you can keep resisting that as long as you have set clear boundaries for yourself and her.

You may also need to have the "being open to seeing others" conversation too. Again as long as you are clear that while you may see others you aren't going to be disrespectful to her, damage her reputation or generally treat her badly she can make her choice.

 

[POB]

She is 20, her brain is not totally formed yet.
This is why young chicks are more volatile.

I would not text because there's no need for it...you guys eventually will bump into each other occasionally.
When you see her again, say "hi", ask how she is doing and gently touch her in the shoulder while looking at her in the eyes to show some affect.
Depending on her reaction, you can even push for a: "Can we have a quick chat after class? Coffee is on me" or something along those lines.

Then after isolated you ask some probing questions and let her answer.
Stick to the frame the other guys said:
"Don't want chit chat about us"
"We don't need to pressure ourselves into anything"
"You are cool and fun, love your energy and could definitely get more of it"

Don't bring up anything about boyfriend or relationships.
Let her figure it out by herself.
If she is up to, set a new date at your place or pull right there.

 

[trashKENNUT]

She is 20, her brain is not totally formed yet.
This is why young chicks are more volatile

SIDENOTE:

*This is for guys who just wants to understand what's going on in society*

The age is just a reference. Eventually you see females as situations and phases as well. Because in Asia, and I'm pretty much sure this is universal. Females are volatile than ever before. Added to this is the century/decade of today. 30 years old females in Asia, feels like kids.

Example:
Just Breaking up - Situation
Hoe Phase - Phase

Pause your life. Observe.
You will see everyone 'mental gymnastics' themselves to hell and back.

z@c+