Girls refuse to step in my place

[Dirty dagger]

With some girls I date I have issues getting them to my place even when I can move them as I want.

I'm trying to up my sexual value and not to look like a boyfriend candidate. I do ok with physical escalation. I pretty much suck at deep diving though so there is always a lack of emotional connection.

Even without that much emotional connection I must keep up with escalation windows. So tell her we should visit my home for drinks about 1-1,5 hour on date. I could move them easily but now that it's time to visit my place the answer is no.

When I try to hard push they tell me that I'm pressuring them to come over to my place. Sometimes they even leave disgusted. I don't get this. I could move them with ease and they certainly seemed to like/want me. (I'm not very good at judging if someone likes me, they didn't make it obvious.) In fact I usually move them to the park, next to my place so the logistics are already done.

I'm having problems answering anything constructive to some of their objections:

• They repeatedly say that they don't know/trust me (they even may say that I might that kind of guy who beats them).
• They may repeatedly say that they have bad experiences of going to a man's house when they don't know him (even if I made it obvious that I want sex).
• They mention that asking a girl home at a first date isn't a normal or usual thing to do.

Eventually I try to hug them and then kiss them but they don't go for the kiss. I don't really think they are afraid of getting beaten or killed, are they? I think they might still think I'm boyfriend material or then I just didn't manage to build any emotional connection.

 

[Franco]

DD,

It sounds like you've probably answered your own question, here.

They repeatedly say that they don't know/trust me (they even may say that I might that kind of guy who beats them).
They may repeatedly say that they have bad experiences of going to a man's house when they don't know him (even if I made it obvious that I want sex).

These sound like responses girls give when they feel like they haven't built an emotional connection with you, so it sounds like deep diving is an area you should really focus your efforts on. Learn to start asking girls about what they do, and why they started doing it. And then you can ask them if that's what they've always wanted to do when they were young, or do they have other dreams that they haven't told people about? What are they?

When she begins to talk about it, feel free to relate your experiences to her. For example, maybe she said she's always wanted to be a veterinarian and take care of animals and has a strong passion for them. You can either tell her about the pet that you have that you really care about, or you can tell her how you feel the same way about something similar (as in maybe not a veterinarian but a pediatrician instead).

Just attempt to learn things about her that she probably doesn't discuss with people on a regular basis, and as she talks about it, look for things that you can relate to and tell her about your own experiences that reflects how SHE feels about these things. That's how you build emotional connections.

I think if you can fix your deep-diving issue and have women feel more like they really know you, then they'll be much more comfortable going home with you.

- Franco

 

[Dirty dagger]

These sound like responses girls give when they feel like they haven't built an emotional connection with you, so it sounds like deep diving is an area you should really focus your efforts on. Learn to start asking girls about what they do, and why they started doing it. And then you can ask them if that's what they've always wanted to do when they were young, or do they have other dreams that they haven't told people about? What are they?

I always try to ask them why they started to study what they do. But I'm failing hard in extracting anything constructive from them. Most girls I meet are practical nurses or, well, then they picked something even more dull just to study something. When I try to ask them about their dreams it seems they have none.

Maybe I should push a little harder to get something useful. But I run out of lines or fear they think I'm forcing connection. I wish I was better in communicating with people. I usually try to deep dive their work, studies, travels and hobbies.

How do you ask about dreams that they don't tell people about? Do you just blatantly ask it? Do you ask "what if" questions?

Sometimes I find a golden topic and raise up from the dive to lighten the mood. Only to forget to return to the topic

When she begins to talk about it, feel free to relate your experiences to her. For example, maybe she said she's always wanted to be a veterinarian and take care of animals and has a strong passion for them. You can either tell her about the pet that you have that you really care about, or you can tell her how you feel the same way about something similar (as in maybe not a veterinarian but a pediatrician instead).

Just attempt to learn things about her that she probably doesn't discuss with people on a regular basis, and as she talks about it, look for things that you can relate to and tell her about your own experiences that reflects how SHE feels about these things. That's how you build emotional connections.

The problem is that I can't relate to nearly anything. I have lived last 10 years of my life as a nerd person and girls hardly find that exciting. I don't even know how to portray my profession to women, should I act as if I like it or hate it?

Nerds experiences don't translate to girls experiences this easily. I really, really was a nerd. My life revolved around computers and I believed that was my life's destination and meaning. (I realize this may sound sad to you but I used to loved it.)

I don't have many attractive experiences and I don't have many friends who can help me build attractive experiences. Building experience base is something I have intended to start doing. Honestly, I think I'll start that when I finish my education half a year from now. Currently I'm focusing on silencing my approach anxiety.

Also I don't really care about animals emotionally. And I never empathize with anyone. I know Chase wrote how to learn it but it's hard. I think there might be something wrong with my emotions

 

[Chase]

Dagger-

This is 100% attainability - most likely related to the lack of deep diving and emotional connection Franco pointed out.

When you go for sex with a girl, the question she must be able to answer in her mind is not, "Does this guy want to stab me in the neck and stuff me in a body bag?" but rather, "Does it make sense that he is trying to sleep with me - do I feel like I have impressed him and there is a REASON he wants me?"

If the only reason she can come up with is, "I guess he just tries to shag every girl he talks to for 60 minutes or more," she will auto-reject and decline your escalation.

You don't necessarily need to deep dive to answer this question for girls - you can start with more basic qualifications, like:

• Are you a good cook?
• Are you adventurous?
• Are you spontaneous?
• What do you like to do?

Etc., and compliment her as she mentions things you find genuinely interesting.

Focus on getting to the point where she feels, "Wow, I have really earned Dagger's respect and attraction as a woman. In fact, at this point, I'd feel cheated and insulted if he DIDN'T want to sleep with me! I'd feel totally invalidated!"

The dichotomy is thus:

• If she doesn't feel impressive, and you escalate, it feels like you just do this with any girl, and she feels cheap
• If she feels like she's been super impressive with you, then you HAVE to escalate or she's going to feel unwanted

Obviously, you want to be in the second bullet - make her impress you, and then escalate on her after to show your interest, attraction, and appreciation of the sexy person that is her.

But that starts with finding ways to allow her to show you what's impressive about her, the most straightforward of which include qualifying and deep diving (getting loads of investment from her is another way - qualifying and deep diving are both investment on her part, since she is working to share with and impress you; there's plenty of other ways you can get investment from women as well, however. The more invested she becomes, the more she begins to feel like she DESERVES a reward from you - at which point, escalation becomes increasingly easier, expected, and natural).

Chase

 

[Dirty dagger]

Now that I think of it I have been told "go find women that this works on". All I could think is "wow, at least I got my sexual value up" but I missed that she was also feeling pretty cheap. Actually how could I not see that, I guess I hadn't analyzed that date thoroughly yet.

I'm very bad at giving compliments to people. That is definitely a problem but apparently more so than I have realized. (Adding to the process )

On my attainability I have focused too much on looking "hard to get" more directly, as in "I get girls all the time.. tits or gtfo". I guess I was lost on the topic. That's something to revisit.

You don't necessarily need to deep dive to answer this question for girls - you can start with more basic qualifications, like:

• Are you a good cook?
• Are you adventurous?
• Are you spontaneous?
• What do you like to do?

Etc., and compliment her as she mentions things you find genuinely interesting.

I see, I haven't been asking questions like this very often. Also I can see how a good answer to any of these questions can lead to deep diving. More sadly I'm not very good at coming up with these so I guess I'll have to go with remembering them.

Well I guess this is a boring thread of a guy who haven''t learned to get girls investing Although I couldn't find any light to the very unnerving but real response I keep getting "I don't want to be cut into pieces and thrown to the sea". I was thinking that maybe I just look like that (I have been told so, but it was based on a bad picture).

Thanks Franco and Chase, this has been helpful.