@DarkKnight,
You go to the used car lot and see a car you like. The sales guy approaches and you go for a test ride. At first you're somewhat excited. The ride is okay, but not spectacular. At a certain point in the drive, the car makes a weird clunk and the steering gets a little splashy, but then it's back to normal again and all seems fine. You ask the sales guy what that was and he says you hit a pothole, but the guy seems a bit nervous. You get a slightly bad feeling but say nothing more.
Back at the used car lot, the sales guy tries to get you to close today but you start feeling more and more resistance. The sky's begun to cloud up and it feels sort of ominous. You notice a small dent on the front of the car you hadn't seen before. The tread on the tires looks somewhat worn. You realize this sales guy's smile seems a little too forced to you. You reject the sales guy's offer to close today, and he tries to find out why -- was it the pothole? No, it's not that, you say... but really you're not sure. The sales guy noticed you check the tires too and reassures you they'll put new tires on before the car leaves the lot. However, you just don't feel ready to buy today. You tell him you'll think about it and get back to him. Once you're out of there you decide you're just not going back to that lot again.
What was the reason you didn't buy the car?
Was it:
- The unspectacular drive?
- The pothole (or whatever that was)?
- The uncomfortable salesman?
- The ominous cloudy sky?
- The dent on the front of the car?
- The worn tires on the car?
- The salesman's forced smile?
- All those things?
- Some other thing?
That's what semi-conscious resistance looks like.
Often there are a variety of underlying reasons contributing to someone's decision not to do something, but they're difficult to properly vocalize. Some may not even be conscious reasons at all.
There may be one key reason, or it may be a lot of little ones.
I had a conversation with a friend who loved prostitutes once who decided we should get hookers for the two of us and a third friend. He wanted to surprise the third friend with a room full of hookers for the three of us as a kind of team-building exercise. He figured it'd be a really nice surprise. I declined; my friend insisted. Finally I said look, if it's that important to you, I'll attend the mini-party, but I'm not shagging any hookers dude. The friend insisted I had to fuck a hooker because it was necessary for building our camaraderie.
He then started trying to dig into my reasons for not wanting to shag a hooker. I had like eight different reasons at least, and every time he thought he was getting somewhere with one of them, he'd run into another. We must've spent 2 hours talking about "why Chase doesn't want to fuck a bunch of hookers" and got absolutely nowhere. So what's my real reason for not wanting to bang hookers? Honestly today I wouldn't even tell you I know for sure... not after that 2-hour conversation anyway. I know all the reasons I
have, and can list them all out, and to me they feel like excellent reasons to not fuck hookers, but are any of them a really smoking gun reason? I don't know. Is one of them the "real" reason and if you overcame that one all the others would evaporate? I don't know. I just know I don't like hookers, won't pay for them, and normally wouldn't even shag a hooker unless you paid ME a ton of money (with occasional exceptions for really sexy hookers with cool personalities whom you pick up sans payment).
As the man you are usually going to be in the 'sales' position with women, which means you are the one who will be dealing with these objections and trying to overcome them.
A lot of the time, the woman isn't even going to know why she's really objecting to you.
She will have 'reasons', but will any of them be the REAL reason?
You can spend hours clearing through objections yet have her no more ready to proceed with you if the reasons you were getting were not the real root of her resistance.
That's what I mean by 'semi-conscious': she may know her reasons, but she probably doesn't know which of them are 'real' reasons and which are tangential and will be easily cast aside if you overcome the real reason(s); she may not even be consciously aware of the actual reason she's objecting, and all the reasons she thinks are the reason are just constructs used to publicly support her resistance, but not the real points of resistance.
Chase
