Girls saying they aren't easy

[Lucky8ball]

Hey guys,

I was just in need of a refresher on how to get past the bullshit on dates when girls are giving resistance to sex? saying stuff like "I'm not a slut" or "I'm not that easy". I've just been getting stumped by it lately and haven't been able to get by it yet.

Any advice or articles to re-read is appreciated, thanks

 

[Richard]

2 things could be going on here.

1) You're slotting yourself into the boyfriend zone too fast and this is just an excuse girls are making to avoid sleeping with you and potentially ruining their chance to get involved in a relationship with you.

2) You're not portraying yourself as a sexy man correctly/ not handling the seduction smoothly. This girl should instinctively know that you're trying to bed her, but it shouldn't be so obvious that she is fully aware of it. It's like saying "Let's go to my place and fuck" vs. "This venue is closing soon but the night is still young, let's grab a nightcap." Both of these sentences are saying the same thing: one is obvious, and one is implied.

Women only say things like this when you make her feel like she's being easy or being a slut and it's your job as a seducer to control her emotions. Anyway, I have no other information to go on so I can't really offer you any other advice.

 

[Lucky8ball]

Thanks for the reply Richard, I'll give my most recent experience.
(Congrats on your 1,200 reply haha)

So I met this chick at a friends house for a high school graduation party and she was giving me some subtle hints and I assumed attraction, literally she sat next to me for a few hours while we played some xbox with other people. After the room clears I start deep diving her and I find out she's Italian, I kiss her, eventually grab her number, set up a date for the next day, and then I end up driving her home because she couldn't find her friend and didn't have a car. In the car before she left we kissed a little and she kind of cuddled with me.

On the date we ate for an hour and i was deep diving her, touching her leg and holding her hand, I didn't really create a lover vibe, definetly more of a boyfriend role. I got us out of the restaurant and drove her over to a secluded mountain where we made out for a few hours, and she completely refused to let me take her pants off saying she wasn't easy, wasn't a slut, etc.

This has happened to me the past few dates and has stumped me when they say things like it because I don't know how to really get past it,

So how do i do a better job of securing her emotions?
I know im not going to win by arguing with just logic, but I really don't know what to say, besides prevent myself from slotting as a boyfriend earlier in the interaction.
Also, how exactly do i keep myself as a lover, and not a boyfriend?

Thanks for any help, I will can give way more details if needed i was trying to be concise here

 

[Richard]

So I met this chick at a friends house for a high school graduation party and she was giving me some subtle hints and I assumed attraction, literally she sat next to me for a few hours while we played some xbox with other people. After the room clears I start deep diving her and I find out she's Italian, I kiss her, eventually grab her number, set up a date for the next day, and then I end up driving her home because she couldn't find her friend and didn't have a car. In the car before she left we kissed a little and she kind of cuddled with me.

On the date we ate for an hour and i was deep diving her, touching her leg and holding her hand, I didn't really create a lover vibe, definetly more of a boyfriend role. I got us out of the restaurant and drove her over to a secluded mountain where we made out for a few hours, and she completely refused to let me take her pants off saying she wasn't easy, wasn't a slut, etc.

This right here. The easiest way to get past this is to move faster.

When you drove her home in the car, there's no reason you couldn't have tried to escalate.

What's going on here is that you have slotted yourself into the boyfriend zone and she's withholding sex not because she thinks you'll hit it and quit but because she doesn't want you to think less of her as a girlfriend candidate.

If this is recent, keep us updated on what's going on with her.

 

[Lucky8ball]

Richard, thank you a ton for your insight, it's honestly like damn I should have gave more effort haha.

Anyway I drove her home on Sunday, we went out on Monday. I tried to set up another date for Thursday, but she said she couldn't do it because she left for Texas for the weekend to visit a university.

We've been texting a little bit, the most recent thing I said was 'Have fun in Texas " and she replied with "Thank you! I will "

I'm trying to learn from this experience as much as I can, and also not fuck up lol.

Also i should mention in the car i did try to escalate, but she had a sports bra on so I didn't really know what to do, kinda just was like alright, she said she only had 10 minutes

If I'm escalating with her in the future, would saying something similar to "look, I realize you want to wait because you think it will damage how I think of you..." (not sure how to finish that) work?
Thanks again for any advice

 

[Chase]

Lucky-

Also remember that if you fumbled the ball on setting proper expectations earlier, you can still handle resistance when you run into it much of the time.

e.g., "I'm not easy" "I'm not a slut" when you're trying to take her pants off just means you need to make it clear to her she's reading you improperly. Her frame is "Women who have sex fast are sluts you don't respect, and I want your respect." Yours should be "Women who have sex fast are people true to themselves I respect."

Example:

• 
  [Lucky goes for pants]
  
  Her: [stops Lucky] I'm not a slut.
  
  You: Why would taking your pants off make you a slut?
  
  Her: It's too soon. I'm not easy.
  
  You: Acting on what you want doesn't make you easy. It makes you respectable and real.
  
  Her: It's too fast for me.
  
  You: No, it isn't. You know, maybe some guys would lose respect for you for doing what you want instead of what Cosmo tells you you're supposed to do. Me, personally? I find it impossible to respect the follower. The woman I respect is the one who follows her own heart and does what she truly desires to do, because fuck anyone who disrespects her for that. If you want it, take what you want, and if some guy doesn't respect you, screw him.

Just make it really clear that you think the opposite of what she's afraid you think. Done sincerely, this'll frequently dislodge this objection on the spot.

One nice extra tip, included in the final example paragraph, is to insult other guys here as "not getting it" or "out of the loop" to clearly separate yourself here; the end of that paragraph was about this. Basically, you're saying hey, I know other guys have pulled some lame stuff, but screw those guys, they're losers. Let's bond (sexually) together over how awesome we are together and what lonely outcast zeroes they are.

Chase