Girls taking Compliments as Insults?

[Doctor]

So this is a sign of auto-rejection right?

I have a past time which requires me to have a few different female partners each year (think dancing). Long story short I tried to compliment my new partner on her having a good posture and she somehow turned this round to claiming I thought she had small breasts (she really doesn't! Far from it!)?!

I am pretty new to all this, I have my fundamentals down and am just starting to work on my conversation skills, so this totally threw me! I didn't know what to say...

Thing is she has done this a few times since and I am now totally confused.

I this auto-rejection? Could it just be a challenge to see how I handle it?

She is quite young so maybe she just completely misunderstood but I felt I was pretty clear with what I said and it did happen a couple more times throughout the interaction so it wasn't a one off.

Anybody else experienced this? I wanted to ask her out for coffee next time I see her but she seems to be going more and more cold, any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated

Cheers
- Doctor

 

[Nova]

its hard to say for definite without actually witnessing the situation and all the subtleties etc that come with it.

could be auto rejection but equally it could be how you came across when you gave her the compliment ie not delivering it with enough sincerity etc etc.
she could also just be a very insecure girl, who isn't used to hearing compliments or who doesn't believe in herself and so when she hears them she automatically rejects.

and of course if she's a good bit younger than you/young in general it could just be a general lack of social tact if you like

hard to say, consider the above and reevaluate the situation according to how everything took place up to that point, giving you the most likely reason.

regardless, its not really important, just brush it off, ask her for a coffee, keep things moving forward. that's always your best decider as to whether she digs you. girls say some funny things.

 

[Doctor]

Thanks Nova, appreciate the reply

Yeah looking back at this I guess it was a combination of all those things. Probably mostly my delivery and her not knowing how to react well to compliments yet.

It's just things like this really throw me as I am very new to all this so I find it hard to power on through and keep things flowing. I guess that will come with just practice?

I will ask her for a drink next time I see her but I had a few questions regarding that too!

I Read the article on How to Ask a Girl Out and it says one of the most important things is to do it on a high note. Problem is we are in a pretty stressful crunch period right now (last minute competition training and we are struggling with the difficulty of our routine) so how important is it that I ask on a high? Is it worth waiting for or should I just get the asking out of the way as I feel I am teetering on the edge of the attractions expiration date and by the time we get to normal, happy, laughing training she might have gone full on auto-rejection.

Also there are A LOT of other people (mostly women) who train with us and I find it hard to get her alone. How important is it that I ask her away from earshot of other, rather 'chatty', women? If I phrased it as a "friendly coffee" or something would that take a lot of the social pressure away and allow her to accept with other women around? Or might it cause her to get the wrong idea about the purpose of the meeting?

Sorry for all the questions but I feel I can learn a lot from how I handle this situation and use that knowledge going forward with other interactions.

Thanks.
-Doctor

 

[Thedoctor]

Doctor (Hopefully, this doesn't lead to confusion with our names ),

To answer some of you other questions, asking a girl out on a high note is far more effective and makes the whole thing easier. When you're having fun, say something such as: "Wow, I really enjoy talking to you, we should do it again, what's your contact info?" I've never had this received poorly myself. Then you can return to what you were talking about before so it flows nicely.

Getting a girl alone is important since it shows some investment on her part. If you ask something like: "Hey, let's go over here (where you can be more alone) and chat for a bit. It's a bit too loud over here." She will follow if she's interested. I have done it in the past where I asked a girl out in front of others. You can do it, but it's not always ideal because she may say no just because everyone is watching. If you're new, it may also make you more nervous, especially if rejection is still a big fear.

If you frame yourself as a sexual man, you need not worry about asking her out for coffee and her getting the wrong idea. Chase has great articles on all the points I've mentioned here. Should be easy to find if you search them. I'm in a bit of a hurry here or I would.

Regards,
-Doc

 

[Doctor]

Thanks for the reply TheDoctor and yeah, hopefully the names won't get confusing!

What you said is extremely helpful. I think framing myself as a sexual/powerful man is one of the few things I actually did right (thanks to the articles on fundamentals) so it's good to hear that this should allow me to be a bit more coy with my question when I ask her out, as we will both know what I really mean.

Thanks to the responses here I think I have got everything sorted that I need to do. The only problem I foresee now is a logistical one, or one of timing.

When we are training, and it goes well, it's very hard to pull her away from it and get her somewhere to get into conversation (she is on a role and wants to carry on). The only time we seem to take a break is when we are both exhausted or we are getting so frustrated with the difficulty of the routine we need 5 minutes to refresh ourselves. I have been struggling to make a 'high point' during these times due to the aforementioned exhaustion/frustration we are both feeling. I suppose when I improve my social skills it will become easier but I guess for now I am going to struggle?

So are there any tips for turning a low mood into a high? I was trying before to compliment her during these times to make her smile then ask her out but, as per OP, she always seemed to take this the wrong way.

I guess if worse comes to worse I will just have to ask her while she/we are exhausted and a bit frustrated? It's got to be better than wondering 'what if' for the rest of the year because I let the attraction expire right?

-Doctor