Girls turning very cold and rude after I'm unresponsive towards them?

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

I'm very confused about this. This is what happened:

1) Joined a language class to pick up a language. While it would be a bonus to get to know a girl through the class, my main aim is still to learn the language.

2) Initially, the girls were all very friendly, very responsive, smiling faces, eye contact. I usually say hi and bye to them, but it pretty much never go beyond those 2 words (class is all about teacher talking, not a lot of chances for interacting unless one makes an effort to interact after class, which I didn't; I usually pack up and go back straight away as it's late)

3) A few months later, one by one of them slowly started turning colder and colder. It got to this point whereby, tonight, I said bye to one of them while passing her on the way home, she look at me and pretended she never heard anything although I was right next to her. This is the 2nd time this happened. Now I feel like I'm being totally outcast LOL

Is it true that when one doesn't take things to the next level in terms of conversation rather than just saying hi and bye, the girls usually get pissed off or whatever?

Is it too late to fix it now? If it can still be fixed, how do I go about it? :O

 

[NarrowJ]

Nikar,

There's really no point at all in saying "hi" or "bye" if there is never anything in between them. Well, maybe "hi" as it is nice to (at the very least) address someone if they make eye contact with you.

Whether it is for making new friends, finding my next lover or purely for networking purposes- I try to engage others in conversation. Now, if they are people I don't care much to get to know then I might address them with a polite "hello", but I don't do farewells unless there has been some kind of interaction of sorts between us. Saying "bye" to someone that you haven't even talked to other than just saying "hi" is kind of weird and comes off as you wanting something from them, but you're afraid to actually get whatever it is that you do want from them.

Does that make sense? You're just saying "bye" to them and you didn't even speak to one another. You said "hi", then walked into class and said not one word to each other, then you're telling them "bye" as you leave. Instead of this, try actually engaging them in conversation as you are coming or going to class and see how it goes!

- Compliment them on an article of clothing or accessory
- Say something funny about how you don't feel like being in class today
- Ask her what she got out of the lecture, etcetera
- Probe as to why she is taking language courses

This is all completely normal back-and-forth between humans as we attend the same events, our paths cross and our lives intertwine!

Normally when girls start out warm and then go cold we refer to this as auto-rejection, but I'm not even sure if we can call this auto-rejection. They probably just think you are anti-social and are now avoiding you because you don't bring any value, social or otherwise.

Start making simple conversation and see how it goes, and get back to us!


J.J.