Girls unaccustomed to "moving fast"

[Marty]

The principle of "moving faster" is clearly an important enough element of the Girls Chase doctrine to be repeated, alluded to or cross-referenced in almost every article as well as a sizable proportion of this forum's posts.

That said, I can imagine how it might work extremely well with that relatively rare, sexually uninhibited woman who has attended what Americans refer to as "party school" and has participated in any number of "hot tub"–type activities as described in alluring detail in contemporary US literature and on the Hollywood screen. Anything less would presumably cause her to doubt the masculinity of her suitor.

For more "normal" girls, who seem to make up the majority of those I meet, however, it seems to be a little different. Not to put too fine a point upon it, "moving fast" appears to drive them up the wall. I have actually been explicitly called out by girls for moving too fast on numerous occasions, including in the following two field reports:

• FR: SweetRepose
• FR: WillowyCutie

In the second case, it caused her to never contact me again. The jury is still out on the first one.

Can anyone more experienced suggest an appropriate pace for interactions with the "regular", non-party-school-graduate female?

Thanks!
-Marty

 

[Richard]

Marty,

I know as long as I've been on the site, a couple people have had this problem, and I think it stems from a misconception.

"Moving fast" means doing as much as you can with a girl at a speed that she feels comfortable with. That doesn't mean asking her how fast she normally moves with a guy, it means you make moves and gauge her responses on how fast to proceed.

If you kiss a girl, make-out, and she starts to use her tongue, then it's a clear sign that she's comfortable moving faster.
If you kiss a girl, make-out, and she gets fidgety, it's not the best idea to push farther at that point.

Also, "moving fast" comes with causing girls to feel "safe." They've got to know that they're "safe" with you, and you might think you know you're a safe person, and you know she has nothing to worry about. But your fundamentals, vibe, and a plethora of other factors create atmospheres of safety, as well as mystery/intrigue.

I've seen guys get too focused on causing a girl to feel safe, that they lose their alpha male-ness, or they lose that sexual intrigue and mystery.

It's all about balance my friend

-Richard

 

[Franco]

That said, I can imagine how it might work extremely well with that relatively rare, sexually uninhibited woman who has attended what Americans refer to as "party school" and has participated in any number of "hot tub"–type activities as described in alluring detail in contemporary US literature and on the Hollywood screen. Anything less would presumably cause her to doubt the masculinity of her suitor.

For more "normal" girls, who seem to make up the majority of those I meet, however, it seems to be a little different. Not to put too fine a point upon it, "moving fast" appears to drive them up the wall. I have actually been explicitly called out by girls for moving too fast on numerous occasions, including in the following two field reports:

I know as long as I've been on the site, a couple people have had this problem, and I think it stems from a misconception.

"Moving fast" means doing as much as you can with a girl at a speed that she feels comfortable with. That doesn't mean asking her how fast she normally moves with a guy, it means you make moves and gauge her responses on how fast to proceed.

Marty,

I haven't read all of your FRs, but from the majority of your interactions that I have read on the forums, you still might be lacking the "aggressiveness" that you need to move things forward with women. Richard is right here that there is a misconception that lurks around the forums, and that misconception is that the majority of women are "normal women who don't want to move fast." As you get better with women, you realize that this is actually a minority, and you realize how to "unlock" those uninhibited feelings that every woman actually stows away -- some deeper than others.

Without going into any detailed analysis of your interactions, I want you to practice being more aggressive with women and over-stepping some boundaries if possible. It sounds like you've worked on your "charm" a lot, but you seem to still be slightly fearful of hitting escalation windows when they appear -- if this isn't the case, then I apologize. But if you feel like what I'm saying might resonate with you at all, then I think you know what I'm talking about. You might still be playing things too "safely" and playing "not to lose" rather than "to win."

Try reaching outside your own box and doing things that are uncomfortable for you (at first), and try to be less "charming" and more "sexual." Make more sexual innuendos, give more sexy eye contact, and probably even get more "touchy" if you feel like you are still being too passive.

Women go bananas over men who are extremely eager to take what they want, and it's her job to set the bar, for you to reach right up to it, and then have her lower it a bit. And then rinse and repeat until the bar is no longer between you two and she lets you go all the way.

Anyway, this was a general observation, Marty, based on some of your posts, but give it some thought and see if you feel like you do need to be more sexually aggressive. And maybe re-read an LR or two of Richard's or JJ's if you need some encouraging reinforcement.

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Franco:

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to look through some of my FRs as they appeared in the forum, and putting in the thought to form a holistic impression like this. Your coaching is invaluable to me. This response of yours has taken me some time to absorb and digest... it's very pithy, concentrated advice and there's a lot in there to think through, though it be concisely expressed.

I am going to try exactly what you say. I believe you are correct and I want to keep an open mind; I respect your experience and teaching ability and I trust your guidance.

There's one small element I'd question, if I may:

you seem to still be slightly fearful of hitting escalation windows when they appear

I don't think I'm fearful as such. Yes, like others I have battled through approach anxiety, but I love talking to women and once it gets to the point where I'm actually on a date with a girl, I've never actually been nervous. In the past I have suffered from nervousness prior to the date, but not once I've met the girl and started chatting. And in my earliest days cold-approaching, the same pattern seemed to hold: I had a strong pre-approach anxiety but once the words were out of my mouth, I kind of settled down as the conversation began. These days, I truly believe I do not suffer from any anxiety at all, at least not in a girl's presence—I do have a bad habit of ruminating when I'm alone without her, which I need to conquer, of course.

I think the issue with escalation windows is that I simply don't recognize them. I mean, I think I can identify them accurately down on paper in others' FRs, and when I watch a movie or read a novel, I notice them too, but I have a bit of a blind spot in my own interactions... either that or my thought processes are too slow!

give it some thought and see if you feel like you do need to be more sexually aggressive.

As for aggression, you're quite right, it's a very unfamiliar feeling to me. I'm not naturally competitive and my reason for being here on GC is not sexual aggressiveness as such, but rather the fact that I just love women. What I can do, however, is try to "fake it till I make it", in a habit-forming sense; I believe if I put trust in your guidance and "try it on for size" until it becomes natural, just as I have for all the other elements of seduction Chase and you have taught me, it will eventually form part of my standard repertoire—just as correct opening body language, vocal tonality, eye contact, deep-diving, spotlight on the woman and a host of other elements already have.

Thanks again and I hope to be able to report success in this next step on my journey soon!

-Marty